WE havent spoken since. we exchanged a few msgs of liberation and releasing each other from the 'bonds' of this relationship.
but what about the dreams , promises and futures wed built toghetehr? how could he have done all those things when he was unhappy?
im confused. its been a month..hes back in my city. most of our friends arent talking to him. he didnt bother to tell them anyway..he didnt talk to them while he was there..he leaned on that girl and the new friends hed made there. now hes back , crying and alone. heDOESNT WANT TO GET BACK WITH ME. he told a friend..but hes guilty about the way he ended things.
ive only been loyal and faithful thru the realtionship. ive caused trouble, have been very dependent on him..but was this his way of TAKING REVENGE for all the lil things i did wrong? ISNT CHEATING A CHOICE? and how am i supposed to get over this??
I'm very sorry you find yourself here but you did come to the right place. Keep posting even if it's just to vent. We are here for you.
Yes....he is a shit for cheating on you. That hurts and hurts bad.
You two are not married, no children, no financial ties to each other. Consider this a blessing that he showed you who he really was before you two became legally entangled.
Go through the hurt, but realize you were blessed to find out early.
Everything is NOT lost. You've regained your independence, your joy of life. You've learned a valuable life lesson about yourself and about relationships. You will be much smarter when the right person comes into your life.
From my viewpoint......you are the winner in this relationship.
"If you are a side dish, and you become their spouse, just remember, the side dish position is open again" - Foolme1
y'all are saying exactly what my friends and family are saying..and its great that you guys care enough to say it. :))
yes, dignity is what i thought i deserved ..and he chose to end it in such a disrespectful way.
it has been a pattern in his life. hes had a few 'flings' before i came into his life. and in most of them, hes walked away, leaving the girl to GUESS whether theyre togetehr or broken up. and he hasnt confronted those girls yet..they got over him since it wasnt even a relationship...just a few weeks togetehr.
but i thought hed turned around and become a MAN. with me. but hes done the exact same thing to me .'the one he called perfect and with whom it wouldve lasted forever'. i dont understand.
he doesnt have the guts and hes spineless.
and i might see him in college for a few minutes, but even thru that, im sure, knowing him, and his gutless ways, hel walk on by as if nothign has happened.
but im torn. ive loved him deeply. ive been only faithfula nd loyal to him about the littlest things. ive cared for him.
but at the same time, i feel like HE NEEDS TO BE BETRAYED BY SOMEBODY. HE NEEDS TO LOSE SOMEBODY HE REALLY LOVES and go thru the pain hes put me and my family thru.
I DONT WISH BAD UPON SOMEBODY, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS IS NECESSARY ,FOR HIM TO GROW AND NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES AGAIN.
And leave revenge to the Big Guy Upstairs. Be thankful you were shown his true persona before you were married or had kids.
Go through the hurt and have a great life.
The relationship was dying anyways, I was not happy either, and was just dragging it on and not letting go.
Now, I'm free to move on . This was a closure I needed, I couldn't just walk away from this guy who had kant th world to me at some point.
I let him know that what he did was wrong, and I was proud of myself for dealing with it so maturely and responsibly like I have.he realized the bridges he's burnt, and the friends he disregarded. Hel have to make it up to them, that's his issue now. Although he asked if we could give the friendship another chance, and I said il need some time. He said hel need time and space too...and I'm fine now. He's not my priority, I am.
I'm free of him, he's free of me. I can go out, and live my life, achieve what I've dreamt.
I don't need a guy to make me happy...he important thing is to be happy myself..!
Thanks for yhe support you guys,keep in touch .staystrong
Obviously your former WBF has serious issues..At this stage of the game in a relationship, many people prefer to make a clean break vs cheating...
It is after marriage or many years together that people take the coward's way out.. Cheating, lying, hiding their behavior from their partners.. Because breaking up the relationship isn't clean any more it gets complicated...Divorce, custody issues, divided finances, lifelong obligations, etc..
Invest in yourself foremost/always... Sanity, health, intellectual growth, friends,livelihood..
Always be in a position where you will be okay whether living solo or as a part of a couple..
There is the hurt of losing someone who once promised to be there forever, and have kids and make a life together. Yes Ofcourse there is..
I sometimes wake up wondering , what if I lose him, and he finds someone . At one point, he was everything I wanted. I don't know how il cope of he settles down wih someone else.i hate feeling like I'm part of a race...and I'm honestly saying that it does feel like I need to win this. these thoughts DO plague my mind.
But I need to move on now, and the only way through it is forgiveness , of himself and myself. Myself first...for letting me become insecure, clingy and dependent. Now that I look back, I don't like that person. Who would? I stopped him from making friends, hanging out with his pals and stupid things like that. I shall never ever do that again...that's not who I am. I like my space and I respect peoples space. I'm a single child, so I'm pretty independent that way..I need to go back being that.
All said and done, it's wrong the way it happened. I hope people learn from this..and not lose focus of themselves in a relationship ..NEVER ever give up yourself for anybody! It's just not worth it, and it hurts like mad.
[This message edited by Nothingtolose at 11:55 AM, June 28th (Saturday)]
he made it very clear soon after we got our closure, that 'we both need time and space' before we get to talking again. he texted very coldly and rudely saying this, and ever since i havent had the urge to get in touch with him. it hasnt even been two weeks since, and my life seems much much better now. ive moved on . i dont think of him as much(unless someone mentions him) and theres been absolute no contact . but since a couple of days hes been wanting to get me to unblock him. its pathetic. earlier i did sympathize with him, understanding how lost and confused he must feel, losing his friends through all this, but now i dont give a damn!i dont need to speak to him. he needs to know it doesnt work this way..
i wish somebody could make that clear to him on my behalf.
also, nowadays, i dont feel like i want him in my life at all, or that i need to be in his life. i was holding on to scraps and morsels of attention, possibly with the hope that we might get back togetehr someday, but frankly now, i dont want to get back. my life is better, im working on myself my goals and relationships.
i can breathe again!
He's trying to suck you back into his life because you are a known quantity.
Don't do it.
and then there are days like this when it all crashes and comes down to this mass of blackness.
my stepfather spoke to him, since my ex was trying to call me since a couple of days. dad spoke to him on the phone, to ask him why he was calling now, after everything was said and done, and gave him one chance to confess, man to man.
my ex was shaken and started rambling about how I had forced him to go out , and how MY FRIENDS cornered him and threw themselves at him. he also maligned my bestfriend, saying that she had been interested in him. and then he confessed , that he had slept with a girl and and had flings with a few more.
i cannot believe how sick he is. hes already forgiven himself, and is justifying his actions.he admits that he messed up with me, but its okay, it happens.
the girl he slept with is also a cheater. she cheated on her bf, and then my ex supposedly 'fell in love' with her . he became clingy and posessive of her, and that girl lost interest, and went back to her old bf. my ex couldnt take this, and is still 'madly in love ' with her.
all this in a month, after coming out of a serious, 'commited', parent-approved, relationship.
im deeply hurt and saddened. 4 years and 5 months of nothing. all the promises, 'being toegther forever', all the plans, all gone , just like his virginity, that we both had saved for each other.
im shocked at how callous, insensitive and selfish men are. how quickly they replace someone who was once their only priority.i have only wished him well, have only defended him, but i really, really dont now. i wish him the worst life he can get , hes lost loyalty. in return for his 'freedom' and 'fun of being a 20 something', hes lost loyalty and faithfulness.
i have cleared my house of all his gifts.and am fed-exing him a box of his belongings. 4 years of 'buying affection and love'. it didnt mean anything. it never did.
otherwise, he wouldnt have moved on so guilelessly.
[This message edited by Nothingtolose at 4:09 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]
You're young and every young person experiences at least one broken heart, and some experience two or three. It's part of life.
It's this very pain and heartache that helps us grow into the person we'll one day become. It's also a lesson we all learn and hopefully can take away life knowledge from it so we can have better relationships in the future because of it.
Hopefully you've learned never, ever to become completely dependent and smothering and clingy to any man because that will scare him away faster than anything. It's not healthy for either of you and it's inhibiting and will suck the joy right out of a relationship.
So LEARN from this experience.
Good luck to you.