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User Topic: Could this story be true in any universe?
MakingMyFuture
♀ Member
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 2:43 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, so very few things make me laugh these days...but seriously, someone else above had the right idea...this should go in a Book or Post for 'Stupid Cheater Lies'.

1. Almost all men are tired after they have an orgasm. Its biological. So the chances that a man would have an orgasm to stay away is a joke

2. A Condom takes away a significant amount of the sensitivity. The idea that a man would wear one by choice for anything other than stopping a baby/disease is also a joke (as is evident by SI, many men don't even do that). Growing up with brothers, playing men's sports, having almost all male roommates before getting married and having a man's job I'll say, any guy I have EVER known would grab a napkin or take the sock off his own foot to clean up before putting on a condom to pleasure himself.

Sorry, you were snowed. Don't ever expect the truth from him about this (because you can't prove it and he will lie about anything you can't prove) but add it to your internal list of why you have made the right decision to D.


When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

DDay 1 - 1/13, False Recovery Discovered more + Broken NC so DDay2= 7/14

9/9/14: filed for divorce

BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
DD-10, DS-8


Posts: 109 | Registered: May 2014
Alonelyagain
♂ Member
Member # 32820
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a man, I can confirm MMF's point number 1. Based on that , I found your WH's explanation laughable from the start.

Posts: 134 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New Jersey
hardtimesinlife
♀ Member
Member # 10468
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

20/20 hindsight is a bitch.

Amen.

This just reminded me of a condom incident that I, too, believed. Stupidly


Ddays 2004 & 2007
I cut my losses mid 2013
Feeling happier every day :)

Posts: 6154 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Florida
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is so funny. They sure come up with the most creative excuses, huh? I think a tissue would suffice to clean up the mess. On the flip side, at least he attempted to practice safe sex when he was cheating on you, unlike many other selfish WSs .

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
onceacheater71
♀ New Member
Member # 42864
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wish that were the case betrayedpregnant. Only in that instance. The affair that I know about consisted of unprotected sex and back and forth between the two of us. I have been tested twice at 6 month intervals for stds and fortunately all is ok. Still astonished I believed such a ludicrous story!

Posts: 13 | Registered: Mar 2014
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he’s misunderstanding what’s meant by driving a stick-shift…

Condoms are usually sold in packs of three or ten.
You found one.
So on a 90 minute drive he either jerked off 2 or 9 times.
I guess that would keep anyone awake…


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5567 | Registered: Sep 2005
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last year WH returned from a trip with a guy friend. A couple of days after his return I was looking in his laptop back for the power cord because I needed to charge the computer. Instead, I found a condom. We NEVER use condoms. When he came home later that day I asked him about it. Get ready for this. It's a doozy. He told me that because he had to drive an hour and a half late at night from the airport upon returning from his trip, he might need to jerk off (pardon my bluntness) in the car to stay awake for the drive. He said he had the condom so he wouldn't make a mess in the car. I TOTALLY believed it without question. How could I be so stupid. But I had no proof of anything and I really never thought of it again until weeks after discovering (with video evidence)that he was cheating on me. I do know it wasn't with the OW from this current situation. I just think he had a ONS with someone else or had at least prepared himself should the opportunity present itself.


I am a woman so this sounds like a crock to me. Why not just use a tissue?

I also got this story from my wayward after learning of his affair two years ago.

About 15 years prior I had found a box of condoms in his drawer, and some fell out of his computer bag.

I asked him about them because we never used them, and he claimed he used them to jack off in so there wasn't a mess.

I believed it because I wanted to trust him.

I wish more man would answer.

Maybe the men are embarrassed to admit to whacking off in a condom, but it would really help to hear if some men actually do this.


“If two people truly have feelings for one another then they don’t have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think about it. He's driving at night on an unfamiliar road in an unfamiliar car. He feels sleepy. So, he decides to do what he says he's going to do.

So far, so good

To do this he has to unzip the computer bag in he dark and fish around for the condom

Hen he has to either pull his equipment out first and unwrap he condom (those buggers are notoriously difficult to open one handed if he keeps hat least one hand on the wheel), or vice versa. In any event both items have to be ready.

Then, unless he has remarkable abilities, he has to begin the process so he can put the condom on. Again, one hand on the wheel

Then he has to roll the condom over his equipment.
Then he has to return to the matter at hand.

Once complete, he has to remove the condom, without spilling the um er contents.

Then he has to get rid of the condom

Then he has to reposition his equipment.

Sure, this is exactly what happened, all while driving an up unfamiliar road with an unfamiliar vehicle at night.

Maybe you'll understand better,if you imagine using a diaphragm while driving.

One more question to ask him. Was it a three pack, twelve pack or the giant economy size he bought?

And was th e condom prelubed? Really messy if it was one of those types. I'd hate to be that cars next renter.

If you feel like living dangerously, ask him to take you on a "demonstration" ride so he can display his talents to you up close and personal.


Or, you could,simply laugh in his face and tell him you know he is lying.

Even more shocking, did he ever watch Brokeback Mountain and feel moved by its love story?


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
theroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 43334
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


This one needs to go in the hall of shame of excuses used by a cheater.


Me: BW(45)
Him: WH (45)
4 kids
Married 22 years

D-Day #1 March 2002- 4 month EA and PA with co -worker
D-Day #2 March 2012 - inappropriate relationship with co-worker

In R


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2014 | From: New England
kima
♀ New Member
Member # 43849
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For 90 minutes there isn't one bathroom to stop at??? Who wants to sit with a dirty dick after jacking off into a condom? That just sounds wrong.


Anything or anybody that does not bring you alive is too small for you -david whyte

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: kima
annanew
♀ Member
Member # 43693
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Agree this story sounds fishy.... BUT I disagree with posters who say guys never use condoms to catch the mess. I've known several who do. Otherwise they have to do laundry. And between the two evils of wearing a condom and doing the laundry, the condom is the lesser. :)


Happy single mom to a sweet little girl.

Posts: 105 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree this story sounds fishy.... BUT I disagree with posters who say guys never use condoms to catch the mess. I've known several who do. Otherwise they have to do laundry. And between the two evils of wearing a condom and doing the laundry, the condom is the lesser. :)

Wrong, sort of. Being intimately familiar with my own anatomy, I can say that a condom may avoid a messy dish towel or sock or whatever, but it still means cleanup. It's not like I take off the condom and my cock and crotch region are magically clean, I wipe off or take a shower. On those occasions I have had to leap into some manner of lower body clothing, those clothes had to go into the wash as soon as I could get somewhere to clean up.

I am sure there are guys out there who use condoms for masturbation but if they are, it's not about convenience factor when it comes to laundry. Honestly the only reason I could think of is to hide that it is going on, so the wife/gf doesn't find spooged up clothes in the dirties. Or if it's just enjoyable.

A napkin or paper towel is far less messy and leaves no dirties, either. I mean I know there must be other guys out there like me who have a release like a shotgun and it will just blow through this other brand of paper towel or napkin, but that's why I use Brawny, the quicker picker upper. When it comes to mopping jizz, nothing gets the job done better.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 3:22 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)]


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7566 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We use a lot of abbreviations here.. What does TMI stand for????

Also, a surprising number of "experts" offering commentary on the topic. Myself included. There's actually two threads on this issue of vital,importance running at the same time posted by two different ladies whose WH's offered masturbation as a reason for otherwise inexplicable condom possession.

As. Otter said in that acclaimed college life documentary film Animal House: ". A new low. I'm so ashamed".


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he might need to jerk off (pardon my bluntness) in the car to stay awake for the drive.
That is one of the strangest lies I have ever heard.

He never heard of coffee?


Posts: 4285 | Registered: Jun 2002
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Usually too hot when applied to the genital,area, Craig. And even the smallest coffee cup at the drive through is way too big for me to use for gratification purposes.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't see how it's possible to jerk off while driving. In my mind it's akin to patting yourself on the head and rubbing your stomach in circle simultaneously. Too much coordination required!

It's possible. Twice I've had men follow me out of a store and then VERY OBVIOUSLY masturbate while driving up next to me. One even tried to block me from taking my exit on the highway! I had to slam my brakes on when we were next to the exit and cross two lanes to get to the exit. He of course missed the exit, but he had been driving right next to me, to my left, to try to keep me from getting off the highway.

BUT - just because the world is filled with perverts does NOT mean that's how guys stay awake while driving. His story is bullshit. And as you mentioned, if he used this technique, why just the one condom? Why was it not in his glove box instead of buried in a bag?

It's bullshit


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG what BS!!!!

Yeah I know the first thing my FWSO does after orgasm is want to paint the house

Most guys can barely roll off you never mind drive for miles & miles


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
onceacheater71
♀ New Member
Member # 42864
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for the replies on this thread and the other one. I have been able to find the humor in such a ridiculous lie. I was a little surprised by my emotional response to the firm realization that though DD was in January for the affair I know about, he was almost certainly unfaithful or at least prepared to be almost a year before that. And who knows how far back it goes beyond that? Reading the responses and having the truth sink in was almost like another DD (without the explicit. videos). One step forward five steps back.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Mar 2014
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The quicker picker upper


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2675 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
allusions
♀ Member
Member # 25376
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now I'll never look at a package of Brawny and not think of this thread.

I'll think of it as the quicker dicker wiper upper.


Posts: 309 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
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