I am sending you hugs...
[This message edited by BaseballMom31 at 12:32 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)]
That's because you'll be on sabbatical during the evenings to get some badly deserved 'me' time.
Too bad if he doesn't like it.
Just take it a moment at a time. Stay hydrated. Try to get outside and work in some exercise. Exercise was my "go to" thing that helped me cope. It helped me feel better and release some of the stress. Still does. For example, I'm not a runner, but I do run.... last Thanksgiving weekend, I was so worked up, I figured I would run until I wasn't angry anymore... I ran 8 miles for the first time in my life. I could've kept going, but I thought my family would start to worry.
Coping is hard. Concentrating is hard. Find anything to do that makes you happy or brings you calm. Sometimes just cleaning out a drawer or something was a good distraction that didn't require too much effort.
All I can say is: we all feel your pain. We remember. We are sorry you are in so much pain. But it will get better. I promise! For now, just breathe. Can you see a friend? Do you have any family/friends that can take the kids for a few hours or a few days? Having a good friend to lean on can be such a relief in the early days.
Hang in there, Bat. Just breathe in and out. Drink water. Take the kids out for a walk. Try to distract yourself for a little while. And keep telling yourself: "I will be okay". You will be okay. You will.
I was a complete mess the first week... I'm still a complete mess (2.5 weeks in, so I'm very new).
A few of the things that helped was I took my girls - just us - and we went out and did something fun. I took them out to a breakfast and got special Mickey pancakes. I took them to the zoo. I took them to a park. I brought them on a lot of long walks.
My mind wasn't there, though I tried and struggled and fought it to be present. But I was a total alternating-empty-hollow-shattered mess. My girls, though, at least had something to focus on and do.
I also asked MIL to watch them one night - she took them mini-golfing.
If you have friends or family who can take the kids, that can help give them normalcy while you take a long shower, or cry, or read, or whatever it is that might help you in just this sheer devastated point.
Also, I read - and my husband read - How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair - and that was very legitimating and powerful for me and helped me work through some of those initial devastated feelings. We are now reading NOT Just Friends, and I skipped and jumped around to read about coping mechanisms as well (also reading it cover to cover, but jumping around when I felt in a particularly bad cycle)
For me, reading the BS FAQ and the 180 within that really helped me as well. I didn't implement all of the 180 but did take a few things to help me get through the day.
I'm about 5 weeks in with still no commitment from my WF but I am doing better, don't cry near as much :-) and the days are not nearly as long.
Hang in there, read all the FAQs and articles and start to form a game plan on how you might proceed.
I was "fortunate" in that my WS carried that load and I called in favours from my best friends. I served way too much cereal for dinner and he watched too much TV. But we all survived, I did what I had to do to make it through a day.
I hope you have people in real life that you can call upon for help.
I had a friend who could come over and feed/watch my kids on short notice. A few times used her just so I could take a nap in the middle of the day (because I had been up night after night crying). I got a prescription to help me sleep from a dr and also a short-term prescription for anxiety medication. I read read read materials.
I had (what I still believe) was PTSD. With each discovery of new information my temperature dropped and I started violently shivering...so I took LOTS of hot baths which still comfort me to this day.
A few other things that may be helpful... I lost over 30 pounds. I would forget to eat, had no appetite, and when I did eat I often couldn't keep the food down. So I kept bananas and simple crackers around and set an alarm to remind myself to eat something.
Also, when it got really bad I couldn't work, I got a note from my Dr. Which I provided to HR and took a medical leave of absence from work for 3 weeks. All I told HR was 'my family suffered a very private tragedy'. I would have burned vacation hours or even put in for disability if necessary, but my employer could tell how messed up I was and gratefully enabled me to keep my salary for those three weeks without spending vacation hours.
You are going to survive this. Your kids will be fine. Make your husband do as much as possible around the house so you can sleep and care for yourself.
And whatever you do, do not turn to alcohol. It may provide temporary relief but the pain will still be there when you stop, and you need to go through the grieving process.
DDay 1 - 1/13, False Recovery Discovered more + Broken NC so DDay2= 7/14
9/9/14: filed for divorce
BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)