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User Topic: The OW was a BS herself
sunvalley
♀ Member
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is this sense that all blind spouses are innocent victims who have better morals and standards than the WS. The reality is there are BS who just didnt cheat because they never got their chance. There are Bs who maybe never considered hurting others until they themselves were hurt and then their low self esteem from their WS actions led them down the wrong path too. I think it becomes too easy to generalize all BS as innocent victims. We are all innocent of the WS crimes against us in that those were the WS choices...but that doesnt make us all good people. I hope that doesnt offend anyone, I think its just too easy to generalize all Bs are selfless and thoughtful of others. The reality is there are many BS out there who will justify doing this to someone else once its been dpne tp them, there are plenty of BS who will feel so insecure and beat down by the As and unable to heal that they choose to be selfish and hurt others as well...ive often wondered if the OW in my case were like this since they were all M as well, they are less likely to be on a support forum trying to heal themselves IMO but they do exist.


Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs, multiple online As

Posts: 702 | Registered: Mar 2014
shygirl07
♀ Member
Member # 42972
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shellyshell,
This girl sounds crazy and psychotic..
she is hurt and nuts so she wants to bring you down
to her lame level and she sees you are handling this with grace so she is probably jealous..

When I told the wayward ex boyfriends ex gf turned gf again all behind my back, that he was a cheater and a liar (which she ALREADY KNEW) i remmebered her years ago telling me that he had lied a lot to her it may not have been about other women like with me but regardless he lied. I couldnt understand how I was sitting there telling her, hey he still hasnt changed not 10 years ago when he dated u not the 7 years when hes been with me , she tells me she knew i deserved better .. YET YOUR DATING THE SAME PERSON THAT YOU SAY I DESERVE BETTER OVER??????? these women sure dont like when it happens to them .. this scroundel even deleted her fb when it happened because she was scared to face me. but she sure wasnt scared to be with him. ok now im ranting but you seem like a woman of eloquence and grace , this loser probably envies your life and you !


me:27
him:30
7 years together
no children

OW was his ex he always convinced was his friend .. moved in her and knocked her up , got together behind my back


Ddays : many in 2009 and 2010
final dday : Sept 2012 after being broken up 3 w


Posts: 73 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: CA
ShellyShell
♀ Member
Member # 42662
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The reality is there are BS who just didnt cheat because they never got their chance. There are Bs who maybe never considered hurting others until they themselves were hurt and then their low self esteem from their WS actions led them down the wrong path too. I think it becomes too easy to generalize all BS as innocent victims. We are all innocent of the WS crimes against us in that those were the WS choices...but that doesnt make us all good people

Thank you! That is great insight and makes perfect sense. I really appreciate your post.

shygirl107:

but you seem like a woman of eloquence and grace

I think in real life I'm probably more a woman of wine and sarcasm, but I'll take any compliments I can get! Thanks LOL!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Mar 2014
Sparkywater
♀ New Member
Member # 41932
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XWH told me his OW was also a BW at one time. I suspect this was a lie to garner "sympathy" for OW.

I found this to be true with the OW in our situation. She 'said' she was betrayed by her XH when he was on his deployment and she was STAHM. Hmmmm so then if that is true why would she do the same thing while I was on my deployment, while my FWH was the stay at home spouse??? One would think that another knowing what that pain was like, wouldn't create pain for another. Oh the lack of empathy!

What we found out to be the truth....OW lied. Gee big surprise! OW did the betrayal on her deployed XH but painted a MUCH different picture. So as for believing them to be formerly betrayed themselves? I believe either they have zero empathy or are seriously damaged. But its my 2 pennies worth.


BW(me)44 / WH 36
DS (13)
Married 15 years
Affair 2 month EA/ 1 week PA
DDay 7/18/12
In R since Aug12; true R for him Oct13.

Posts: 14 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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