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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: All Is Not Lost...My One Year Dday Antiversary Update!
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is my one year DDAY antiversary.

I wanted to share some stuff with those of you who are new and in pain.

One year ago today, my world fell apart. And to top if off, tomorrow is WBF birthday. So last year on DDAY, I had a huge surprise party planned for him for the next night. Oh what fun that was... (we still attended! And no one had a clue)

I understand everything you are feeling. The one person you trusted your dreams and future with has betrayed you.

In the last year I have felt, anger, pain, depression, sadness, loss, rejection and so much more. In truth, a part of me died that day. My innocence I guess. Before this experience, I never thought this could happen. Not to us. I've seen friends go through it, and strangers...but the thought of it happening to me seemed like the stuff of nightmares, something that my WBF would NEVER DO.

I'll never forget when I told my best friend what had happened, she began to cry. I asked her why was she crying?! She said "Because if he can cheat on you...I literally don't think that there's hope for anyone else". She (and I) thought WBF and I had the perfect relationship. I've since learned that they simply don't exist. And that it's an unrealistic expectation to have in any relationship. I think that's why it hurts so damn much. You have to mourn the actual DEATH of what you thought was real.

I know that you are probably feeling like you cannot possible survive this, but I am here to tell you that you can, and you will.

Do not lose hope. And do not be too hard on yourself. You will have good days, and you will have bad days (I still have bad days!!). Most importantly, It is OK to have bad days! Keep posting on SI, the support here is tremendous! I have leaned on close friends and read the healing library on SI. I got into IC as well.

Most importantly - I leaned how strong I am. Even though there were times I didn't feel strong. But looking back on the last year, I know that I am strong. I have survived. And better than that...I feel alive again.

I am here to tell you that it does get better. The heart heals.

My WBF and I are still a work in progress. I do not for one minute think I am fully healed. But I do not feel the same as I did a year ago, 6 months ago, or even one month ago.

I know everyone's journey is different, and whether you reconcile or not, you will be OK.

I know it's hard to see right now, but I hope you can find some hope in my post, even if it's just a little.

Tonight, WBF and I are going to Atlantic City to ride our jet ski's, roam the beach and gamble a little! I'm really looking forward to it.

Lastly - To SI and all its wonderful members, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I truly mean it. I do not know what I would have done without all of you. My only regret is that I didn't find you sooner!



Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is wonderful to hear, and so encouraging! Thanks for sharing


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 514 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
MissWhoKnew
♀ New Member
Member # 43580
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your post. I am about three months out from dday. I find I have different feelings everyday right now. I am pretty much through the crying stage and in the anger stage.

My WH is remorseful and has really changed for the better. It has been hard to get him to discuss it with me, as that is just not in his upbringing or personality. But we are getting there. Several intense talks. He has promised that he will do anything to prove to me that he really does love me and doesn't want to lose me.

My question to you (and something that is really bothering me lately) is the memory is so fresh and I look at WH and my mind sees them together...I find myself thinking I can never love WH the way I did before. I think I am building up walls to keep my self from ever being so vulnerable again. I find myself thinking if they could cross the line once what is to stop them the next time.

Did you go through something like this and if so how do you deal with it. I am in IC.


Me:BW 51, Him:WH 56
DS 26, DD 24; Dday: 4/19/14
Married: 29 years
Reconcile: A work in progress...
Dday: 4/2014 TT for over a year.
------------------------------------
You're not alone in how you've been, everybody loses we all got bruises

Posts: 36 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Land of Oz
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most importantly - I leaned how strong I am.

Love love love it. Thank you for the wonderful message of hope.


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18322 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
MakingMyFuture
♀ Member
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this post, and so happy for you.

To all new members...At 1 year and 5 months I can also confirm...it does absolutely get better. You are stronger than you think and you will get through it.

Hugs


When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

DDay 1 - 1/13, False Recovery Discovered more + Broken NC so DDay2= 7/14

9/9/14: filed for divorce

BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
DD-10, DS-8


Posts: 109 | Registered: May 2014
4everfaithful83
♀ Member
Member # 41761
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question to you (and something that is really bothering me lately) is the memory is so fresh and I look at WH and my mind sees them together...I find myself thinking I can never love WH the way I did before. I think I am building up walls to keep my self from ever being so vulnerable again. I find myself thinking if they could cross the line once what is to stop them the next time.

Did you go through something like this and if so how do you deal with it. I am in IC.

I did most certainly go through this as well. The truth is I don't know yet if I'll ever love my WBF EXACTLY like I did before the A - But really, how can you? Everything has changed. But that doesn't mean that you can't find a new Love, or dare I say it...a better love.

A lot of people get offended or angry when SI members say that their relationship is actually better AFTER the A - But for me, that is the case. No doubt I went through some unimaginable pain, and I don't think we, as the betrayed, can ever truly understand the WHY. I'm speaking ONLY for my situation. My relationship IS better now. We communicate better now, and more. Of course, not everyone's relationship IS better after the A, so maybe that's why they don't agree.

I know its not the answer you probably want to hear, but the only thing that truly helped with this was time. Work on yourself, and don't settle! Whatever you need from your WH, make sure you get it. I also think having at least ONE good friend who is there for you, who you can call at any hour helps a lot. Some people prefer not to tell anyone, but I think this is just lonely. Also of course, IC is a great way to talk about how you are feeling and how to handle everything.

Is your WH in IC as well?

SI also helped me greatly. When I first joined, I found the words of those already in year one and beyond so comforting! Their advice is so valuable, and I also found comfort in just knowing that I wasn't alone.


Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...

ME: 31
WBF: 27
Together 7 years
1 doggie
DDay: June 24, 2013
IN R...


Posts: 565 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 6

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