OM's words and all evidently swept you away. And I know that you probably still have feelings of "what if" and "but it was special" and "it was so real."
The fact that you are here tells me you are not shallow and you want a better way. Like us.
I think it is easy for selfish, greedy, narcissistic APs to fall in love or in lust or in lurve. Whatevah. The bottom line there is love doesn't mean much when there is no substance behind it.
My question for you and what I think you have to get to the root of is this: why did you, presumably a decent woman of depth of character, fall in love or lust or lurve with such a low class fellow? What is there is your past that makes this type of relationship acceptable and amazing to you?