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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: cheater "handbook"
dana47
♀ Member
Member # 43711
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please tell me the most common moves or lines cheating men use on their AP to keep them in the fantasy spot they so desire. Thx.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2014
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't see why this matters much if your A is over. Your focus is in the wrong place.

The cheaters handbook is an SI joke about the common and ridiculous things waywards say to justify their A's. It's not usually used in reference to what APs say to each other.

Every single thing your AP told you was to get you to give him what he needed. Every single word was lie, none of it was real.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every single thing your AP told you was to get you to give him what he needed. Every single word was lie, none of it was real.

^^^^^This^^^^^

Dana, why does it matter?


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38064 | Registered: Sep 2007
dana47
♀ Member
Member # 43711
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't matter. Thanks for the wake up call. I need to remind myself he is a liar. In fact when we first met he lied about a fundamental part of his life. He's a liar. Big and little lies.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2014
BeingNaive
♀ Member
Member # 30652
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dana47, I just wanted to ask why you spend so much time focusing on your AP. I've seen your posts and 10 of them all about the AP, 2 that involve him, only 3 all about you, and only 2 all about your BH.

I'm not saying that it's so easy to get over your AP because based on what I've read, it isn't. However, you focus should be on your BH, not why AP said this or did that.

Perhaps taking some time to think of ways to help your BH heal and how to prove you're wanting your marriage 100% would be a good start.

[This message edited by BeingNaive at 7:08 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 173 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Michigan
Joanh
♀ Member
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok your DDay is obviously new,

However, are you reading what people are responding to you. Are you waiting for someone to say- yes your AP was special.?

What are you looking for, that he didn't use you himself? Well I know that's another big piece a person has to swollaw, that really REALLY was all BS fantasy. It was a rose colored Harliquine romance story book.

I know it hurts. To face yourself with these truths, we all have been there. You look in the mirror and hope its more then you can justify it.

Sorry, its just not the truth. You allowed yourself to believe it to be true, that the words AP said are true and real. Forget them, if want to save your marriage or say have a chance to save your marriage it is your BH and yourself you need to focus on.

Through this process , my thought my beliefs have changed quite drastically.

My BH , when he dated would do a girl even though he new she had a boyfriend /or spouse , but doesn't see the wrong in that, cause it was the guys problem not is.WEll that has changed somewhat for him too. Just think what your BH thinks of your AP , I know my BH thinks my AP Is a huge POS. Now I believe anyone partaking in an affair is a POS for doing so, each person is as bad as the other.

So to keep thinking your AP was special really, chances are he doesn't have any respect for you, nor care that your family has been destroyed.

I too have been watching your posts, and I know the thoughts can get to you, perhaps some daily intense IC may be required???

Good luck


BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....

Posts: 437 | Registered: Apr 2013
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to remind myself he is a liar. In fact when we first met he lied about a fundamental part of his life. He's a liar. Big and little lies.

Gently, so are you. You lied too.

All the lies told in an A are currency.
He said/gave 'A' and 'B' to get 'C'.
You said/gave 'C' to get 'A' and 'B'.

It doesn't matter what he said or did during the A. It doesn't matter what he's saying or doing now. Focus on your role in the A, work on yourself. Focus on your BH and support him.

You are doing really well at physical NC, it's hard not to slip back into old coping mechanisms and contact the AP for that ego boost. But try to get a handle on the mental NC now.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1253 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God Help Us All. There actually is something called The Cheaters Handbook. I'm not allowed to post links, but if you add .com to those words run together.....

Looks predictably sleazy.

And, of course, there are "testimonials" by Al A., Bruce B., Chris C., etc., there who I am 100% sure are real, live satisfied customers.

I'm surprised it doesn't come in a plain brown wrapper as it would be VERY difficult to explain possession of that book to a spouse or significant other.

Does it NEVER end?


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 8

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