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User Topic: Ask the menz...
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H tells me he doesn't feel a difference in pre-baby to post-baby sex. But come on, the biggest thing in there before was rather small (not trying to insult, just relative), and then I got a 10lb baby through there. Is he lying?

Ooh yes I want to know this too. Surely you must be able to tell the difference?


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:07 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@silverhopes
Video games… How much is considered a good amount of time to play, and how much is too much? And do you like it when your partner joins in, or do you prefer video games as solo, unwind time?

Very limited amount of time these days so I don't play video games anymore. When I did, it was mostly solo to unwind, only because my wife is not into shooter games. Though on rare occasions we did some of the Wii sport games together and as a family.


@TheIrishGirl/BBT

This post is fabulous. And gave me the courage to ask a bit of a doozie (to my mind anyway). I have two kids, vaginal deliveries. My H tells me he doesn't feel a difference in pre-baby to post-baby sex. But come on, the biggest thing in there before was rather small (not trying to insult, just relative), and then I got a 10lb baby through there. Is he lying?

I think this varies from woman to woman, but in my wife's case, nope, he's not lying. No difference between before and afterwards. Her vagina returned to normal after delivering my 10lbs son vaginally. She had an episiotomy during as well which just made sex sore for her for a while afterwards but even that returned to normal. Her vagina made a full recovery as far as I can tell afterwards. If you feel you are not quite the same afterwards, yo can do kegel exercises to help with that.

ETA - our other 2 children were cesarean due to complications.

@evephoebe1

Do men ever fall head over heels in love?

Yes. I have fallen head over heels twice in my life. First was with a long term ex girlfriend that didn't work out in the end. Second was my wife. Call me crazy, but I knew I was going to marry her the very first time I saw her and I can describe that moment in great detail. Once I got to know her I was even more convinced and fell madly in love with her. I still am to this day 16 years later. Even through the "room mates" dark time of your marriage I was helplessly in love with her. We have since worked on our M together which has only served to strengthen my love for her that much more.

Do you think silver-gray hair on a woman is unattractive?

I think it can be very attractive. Just like anything else on a woman. Not that I really look that closely, but to give an example, there is a woman who works in my building (no interest in who she is) that has some silver in her bangs while the rest of her hair is a long chestnut brown. She looks very attractive.

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 6:14 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you to those men answering my question on ménage a trois, and thank you to everyone else for making me LMAO!

A follow up question to those whom have had the fantasy...in your fantasy did you see yourself as the recipent of the 'loving' or did you see yourself as the one that needed to please the two females? I see that several men felt that they would have to 'please' both women, but my assumption had always been that most men would have imagined themselves to have just been the passive recipient.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 6:38 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@PPGA - I'm very much a pleaser so for me it would have been about pleasing them.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2054 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a fabulous thread! Love it!

The guy fighting stuff? I have sons. When we moved into a new home, I looked outside to see my son rolling around on the ground with the boy next door. This is how they said "hello." After the fight, they became good friends. So different from my daughters, who go up to the little girls and say "Hi! Wanna be my friend?" There IS a difference between boys and girls!!!!

Two guys I dated have had threesomes (way before me in their younger/experimental years). They both told me that it was disappointing and they ended up losing the fantasy because the reality was that they spent too much time trying to please both women and one is difficult enough, so I believe what the guys are saying here in that regard.

And my SO loved WWE and I watched it with him and actually learned to enjoy it also, so it isn't just for the guys.

My question....if you are self-conscious about an aspect of your appearance, will you believe your SO if she tells you she loves that about you? My SO is a bit hairy and he is so self-conscious he has actually thought of waxing, but I find it irresistibly sexy and he seems to have a hard time believing it. (I would actually be mad if he waxed it, because I love playing with his hair!)


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15223 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now my question is, don't you think that fantasy is equally strong that women fantasize about two men??

Ugh.

That's just twice the work.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1751 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is the male obsession with guns about?

My boys can turn anything into a gun. The were 'shooting baddies' with rubber ducks in the bath the other day. I don't get it.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Imissmyhusb
♀ Member
Member # 42734
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey menz!

Is it true that menz priorities are 1. Money 2. Women 3. Anything else he chooses ?


Met '95 - dated '97 - married '03 - dday '13
3 kids 7y and 4y twins, me - sahm since '07, him - idk him any more
~~~~~~~~~
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2014
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

don't you think that fantasy is equally strong that women fantasize about two men??

has never happened to me. I don't get the appeal.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4900 | Registered: Dec 2010
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now my question is, don't you think that fantasy is equally strong that women fantasize about two men??
Not for me. My thing with sex is the heat and passion between two people, the intensiveness of looking each other in the eyes, the connection that happens between two people when they are intimate. Can't have that with two guys, that would be confusing.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15223 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But come on, the biggest thing in there before was rather small (not trying to insult, just relative), and then I got a 10lb baby through there. Is he lying?
Depends on your body I guess. My WW was very "tight". If she didn't have sex for awhile it got tight again. Maybe she was the queen of kegels. After child birth I could NOT tell a difference. I honestly wasn't paying attention back then and didn't really care. It felt good so I never complained about it. If we didn't have sex for a long time though, I had to be careful or it would hurt her. The ONLY time I started noticing a difference was when she was in her A. We weren't having sex but when we we did have sex after a long period it wasn't "tight" anymore. It got gaslit away but that wasn't so much was there a significant difference after child birth as me being gaslit to hell.

Video Games

I used to play alot. Then I had kids and family responsiblilities and stopped playing. Video games are like any other hobby and should be done in moderation or in spare time. If it starts interfering in your everyday life then like anything else it's a problem. I played after the kids were in bed and things were done for the day. Now that I am divorced I play every now and then if my kids ask me to but I don't really game anymore. It's too big of a time suck. I prefer going to the gym.

Do men ever fall head over heels in love?
Yes, I married the person I fell head over boots in love with. Didn't turn out so well though. I am sure I will again at some point in the future.

Do you think silver-gray hair on a woman is unattractive?
IMO, how a woman carries herself and the confidence she has is the number one factor in determining attractiveness. I have dated woman that went natural and cut all their hair off, braids, straight hair, grey hair, it doesn't matter if it styled nice and they are confident about how they wear it. To answer your question though grey hair is attractive. Be confident with what you have that is what is attractive. As for your hubby, if he doesn't look like Captain America then he shouldn't complain. Unless he is perfect then he should be okay with your choice and eve if he is perfect it's still your choice.

Is it true that menz priorities are 1. Money 2. Women 3. Anything else he chooses ?
Not true. It differs from man to man I am sure but for me number 1 was my family. My family was my wife and my kids. Anything and everything else came after that. Everything I did was in support of priority number 1. While married I tried to make it a marriage of equals but i'm here on this site so that didn't work out so well. Now that I am D number 1 is my kids and providing for them. Money isn't an issue for me. I am not in a relationship but when I am she will be a priority. I also put myself up high on the list because it sucks when you forget to take care of yourself. Anything after the kids gets balanced and shifted as needed. If I meet a great person the balance will skew in their favor I am sure but the kids will always be first for me until they are old enough to take care of themselves.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:18 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Imissmyhusb
♀ Member
Member # 42734
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those with children, do they fear you more than their mom? Why do u think that is?

My kids dont respond to me the same as WH and i tell him its bcuz hes a man and they respond to his size and deep voice as well as his style of discipline


Met '95 - dated '97 - married '03 - dday '13
3 kids 7y and 4y twins, me - sahm since '07, him - idk him any more
~~~~~~~~~
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2014
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those with children, do they fear you more than their mom? Why do u think that is?
I have a 9 yr old boy and 7 year old girl. They respond to me better than their Mom. Notice I didn't say fear me. There is a difference. I just don't put up with their foolishness. The kids push their mother, who allows it, more than they try me. I have 50/50 custody week at a time. The weeks go Friday to Friday. I used to spend the entire weekend getting them into "you are in daddy's house now" mode when it's my week. Now it takes a few hours on Friday night when I get them. I can only speak for my situation and what I see. I don't let them get away with the things their Mother does and they know it so they don't "try" me as much. My daughter tries me more than my son. I don't spank my children. I just expect them to behave a certain way when they are with me and hold them to it.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Video games… How much is considered a good amount of time to play, and how much is too much? And do you like it when your partner joins in, or do you prefer video games as solo, unwind time?

I used to play like 6-7 days a week, multiple hours a day... that was too much.

Now I play a few hours, a couple times a night.

I would love it if my wife played with me... but it's not her thing. I could also use a pocket healer.

I typically like playing with other people, goofing around on VOIP, having a blast joking and kidding and not thinking about the day.


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 399 | Registered: Dec 2013
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question....if you are self-conscious about an aspect of your appearance, will you believe your SO if she tells you she loves that about you? My SO is a bit hairy and he is so self-conscious he has actually thought of waxing, but I find it irresistibly sexy and he seems to have a hard time believing it. (I would actually be mad if he waxed it, because I love playing with his hair!)

I suggest you specifically say just that -

(I would actually be mad if he waxed it, because I love playing with his hair!)
to him. Look him in the eyes when you say it, while running your hands through his hair. Tell him in a serious but loving tone, as if imply that if he does shave it off he is going to deny you one of the things you love about him and that you will NOT be happy if he does.

I can't speak for him, but when my GF said something similar to me about my beard (in the way I described above) I'm thinking how incredibly sexy it is for her to point out something about me she finds absolutely irresistible, and it is something specific only to me. My ego gets a few pumps off that!


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 479 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll chime in with some answers:

Threesome: It's a fantasy only. I wouldn't want to face FWW afterward. I do have a recurring dream where I have FFM, however both of the W are FWW.

Boobs: Based on porn today, there is a legitimate market for all sizes. Small appears to be in now. FWW got smaller after two kids??? She got an augmentation but that was more for her. I stand tall as an ass/leg man.

WWE: I like it for entertainment value. MMA or any sport whose sole purpose is hurting someone is NOT for me. It makes me sad as a human that we pay to watch people beat each other up.

"Tightness" after natural childbirth: FWW had two LARGE babies. I CANNOT tell ANY difference. Maybe it's just me but the penis isn't sensitive in that way. It's pretty simple organ designed to receive pleasure. Sex will feel good regardless of the PSI in your vaginal walls.

Appearence of the "HooHa": IMO it's not much to look at, especially if you haven't trimmed the pubes. However, the smell and texture are the most wonderful sensual combination in the world. I love how I can tell where she is in her cycle by the taste alone.

Aging/saggy boobs/grey hair: I cannot contribute. My W is scared she will not be attractive as she looses her youthful looks and physique. I tell she will always be beautiful but partly I'm trying to convince myself. Maybe if she didn't screw other dudes it would be an easier sell, but that's pretty unattractive overall.

video games: I don't see how MM w/ kids has ANY time for video games. I was a video game addict a few years ago, but I has doing a shitty job as husband/father. The only games I play now are with the kiddos.

Hairy dudes: *raises hand* FWW says she loves it but I find it hard to believe. I've waxed the back (ouch) and trim everything else with clippers. Even naired the chest/stomach before a trip to Jamaica. The bottom line is I know what the concensus is concerning body hair so it almost feels patronizing when she says she loves it. Just let me trim/wax and love the groomed version.

Priorites: For me, a protector/provider, I can't separate money from family. I need money to support the family. It's not like I want a big bank account to by a fishing boat. If it looks like money is the priority, consider where the money goes.

How to turn me on?: Say my name, wear a light perfume that I like, dry your hair before bed, mood lighting, simple panties and t-shirt, random groping/fondling. I could go on.

And my kids (and dogs) respond more positively than my FWW. I'm sure it has to do with tone of voice and my confident nature. They assume since I said something it's the gospel truth and they better listen.

That was a lot. Hope I didn't miss anything. I've been gone for a few days.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no answer to the post-baby sex question because that's outside of the realm of my experience.


Video games… How much is considered a good amount of time to play, and how much is too much?

It depends on the game. When Skyrim came out, I was pretty much useless for a month. I usually prefer the types of games that I can play for half an hour or so and move on to something different.

And do you like it when your partner joins in, or do you prefer video games as solo, unwind time?

I would have loved playing with her but she preferred to do all evening Netflix marathons all evening and I really, really didn't like most of the shows she watched.

Do men ever fall head over heels in love?

Absolutely. I felt that way about my ex. She didn't feel that way about me. Didn't work out very well.

Do you think silver-gray hair on a woman is unattractive?

Nope. Gray hair can be really sexy on a woman, especially if it's longer.

My question....if you are self-conscious about an aspect of your appearance, will you believe your SO if she tells you she loves that about you?

I've come to accept that no matter what I do, I'm going to be a goofy sonofabitch. I have a hard time taking compliments seriously because I own a mirror and can see what I look like in it but I always appreciated the effort.

What is the male obsession with guns about?

When I was a kid, it was all about being an action hero or something like that. Now that I'm a boring guy in his 30s, I don't really see the appeal either.

Is it true that menz priorities are 1. Money 2. Women 3. Anything else he chooses ?

I'm sure it is for some. I don't care that much about money as long as I can pay my bills, do something fun every once in a while and save. Women aren't a priority for me right now either. For me, it's my dogs, my family, my motorcycle and my job in no particular order.


Posts: 1677 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WWE
It's like a male soap opera. I used to watch it back in the 80's and early 90's when the characters were still outlandish. I have no interest in it anymore but my kids love it. I can't lie I do have fun when my kids try to wrestle me. It's hilarious to watch a 6 year old try to put my grown ass in a figure 4 leglock or do some move and pin me. They always follow it up by getting in face and yelling "you can't see me" while waving their hands frantically in front of their face.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Middle-aged men, younger women

For looks, youth has it all over age. For wisdom and experience, age has the advantage.

I can see friendship across generations. Sexual love, not so much. Can an older guy stay with an experienced, eager 30 year old women the way a younger guy in good condition can? Can a younger woman really turn on to a man who's experienced the ravages of age? And since intimate conversation is based in part on shared life experiences, how much would a younger person and an older person have to say to each other? Real life to me is dead history to a 30 year old....

Men falling head over heels in love

I guess I've used that term, but it doesn't really describe me. When W2b & I had been dating for about 6 months, my mother asked if it was serious. I said, 'No.' I felt as if succeeding with W2b a life vs. death issue, which was way beyond serious.

silver gray hair

I like natural. If you're comfortable with your hair - and IMO you should be - I'll like it. Especially if it's long.

pre- vs. post-natal tightness

After the hiatus around childbirth, I was pretty happy to make my W's acquaintance again. If I had noticed any difference - and I don't think I did - I would have chalked it up to the unfamiliarity after several (3? 6?) weeks.

priorities

My behavior says my priorities are W and then everything else. I worry about money, but what I actually do is aimed at being with my W.

sure-fire turn on

Focus on being with me while being open to physical pleasure.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10057 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

About silver-gray hair: My husband loves mine (I started graying at 18) and would probably shoot me if I started dying it. Basically, I don't have the patience for the maintenance that dying it would require, but fortunately, my laziness works to my advantage.

ETA: Love this thread! Thank you, Menz!

[This message edited by SadFlower at 10:07 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


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