Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: whathappensnext (45075)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Ask the menz...
CharachterReveal
New Member
Member # 43477
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gentlemen:

What most makes you feel respected?

Other than affairs/infidelity: What makes you feel disrespected by your woman?


Posts: 40 | Registered: May 2014
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope this isn't an offensive question, but I've seen shades of this for years on SI and specifically on this thread.

Are there any men out there who have a SAHM wife who DON'T resent her for staying at home?

My H has talked about me staying at home after(if) we have another baby. I'd like to but honestly worry that he'd start to resent me, based on some of the comments I've seen.

I've worked since I was 16 and actually made more than 50% of our income for most of the marriage (not now) so it's not like I don't understand what having a job is like.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6776 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I've seen shades of this for years on SI and specifically on this thread.

Jana, that's probably because the SAHM mom's of the men on SI didn't stay at home, they strayed at home. I could understand how that would make someone resentful. Prior to the A, I was always proud of my wife. She was a SAHM - I supported that and was quite happy with it. It was a decision we made together when she got pregnant with our son.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3963 | Registered: Dec 2011
WearingTheHorns
♂ Member
Member # 37916
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm late to the party but I wanna play to.

Menage: I think it's a mix of ego and trying to prove stamina/virility. Have I fantasized about it? Yep. Went so far as to encourage WW to finding someone for a MMF, figuring I could then ask for a FFM. Also at the time I pushed for it, I was in a low point. Partly figured it'd be fun, partly wanted to because I knew I wasn't satisfying her enough because of my depression. She sought out an old BF. Said she approached it as a swap since he was M too. I guess they were already, or close to EA at that point. Eventually they decided the full swap was a great idea, they just didn't include me or his BW. I suppose I kind of brought that on myself by pushing for the threesome.

Hoo-ha's. One thought: Yum

Boobs: Love them all. Have always been a boob man and do prefer larger, but have enjoyed smaller just as much. Dated a woman for a time that was flat as a board and still enjoyed them.

Falling head over heels: Absolutely. Fell for WW that way. Still can get that way about her occasionally, but her A's killed a lot of that feeling for her.

Silver/gray hair on a woman: I present into evidence two hot women with silver/gray hair. Jamie Lee Curtis and Diane Keaton.

Guns: Gun go bang loud. For me I don't know that it's an obsession. I just enjoy sharpening my skill as a marksman. Also I enjoy a little hunting now and then.

WWE: I used to love watching Saturday Night Wrestling. My favorite wrestler was Von Erich. Not Kevin. His father, Fritz. That's how long ago it was that I watched wrestling. Pre-WWe days when I was in elementary school.

For a woman to turn on a man, I quote Woody Allen: "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

[This message edited by WearingTheHorns at 11:15 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months

"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony

2 Cor 12:9-10


Posts: 272 | Registered: Dec 2012
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SAHM mom's of the men on SI didn't stay at home, they strayed at home.

Ohh. Good point. And cleverly stated. That's got to be an extra knife in the back when you know that the dollars you earn at work are funding, well, THAT.

I've just never been in the position of not contributing financially and I think part of it would be MY feeling of discomfort to be honest.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6776 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What most makes you feel respected?

Treating me well, recognizing my contributions to the household, not having sex with other men, writing them explicit stories, sending them naked pictures of yourself over the internet...

Other than affairs/infidelity: What makes you feel disrespected by your woman?

The thing that made me feel the most disrespected was her insatiable need to badmouth me to anybody who would listen, whether she had told me about the thing that was bothering her or not. She would complain about me to her sisters, to her friends, to people at work and then come home and act like everything was fine. My soon to be sister in law actually stopped talking to her about a year before the divorce because she apparently said some awful things about me to her but didn't want to talk to me about them.

It also drove me absolutely nuts when she would talk to anybody who would listen about really personal things like our sex life, medical issues, etc. I'm a pretty private person in a lot of regards and I felt like I had none when I was with her.


Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jana,

I want to second what Tred said.

My WW used the guise of SAHM as a reason to do whatever she wanted. She wasn't taking care of the house or the kids, she was taking care of what she thought were her "needs" instead. If I am expected to provide and sacrifice for my family, then I expect my partner/spouse to be equally committed and faithful. So yes, I got resentful. On a purely personal principles position, I feel that if I (or my spouse) am expected to put in an 8hr day(sometimes more) to provide for the family, then that same amount of work should be done by the person staying at home. Anything left over at the end of the day we both tackle together.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I WILL NOW APPARENTLY TALK FOREVER


Video games… How much is considered a good amount of time to play, and how much is too much?

That is unique to the individual, but I think the real indicator is how immersed the player is. An hour or so of total immersion where he doesn't want to be bothered is something to be negotiated, but the game always has to come second to real life. An inability to walk away from it to change a diaper, cook dinner (or just go eat) is a problem. I mean I know the frustration of getting pwned while afk but that shit just is what it is. I probably spend what would be considered an unhealthy amount of time with videogames, but I also have a job that tethers me to a phone half the day. I really miss being done with work at 3 so I could go outside and have a life with the rest of the world.

Do men ever fall head over heels in love?

Yeah. Don't understand where that is coming from honestly.


Do you think silver-gray hair on a woman is unattractive?

I think it is really about the woman and how she wears it. I like the wrinkles developing on my wife, but I think that is because I understand the expressions that made them. I don't think wrinkles are unattractive on other women, I just don't have any investment in it. Same with hair color. Maybe it's all the video games with crazy elf chicks running around with silver gray hair looking normal next to neon blue or bright orange, I dunno. Hair color is hair color.


My H tells me he doesn't feel a difference in pre-baby to post-baby sex. But come on, the biggest thing in there before was rather small (not trying to insult, just relative), and then I got a 10lb baby through there. Is he lying?

There's been no real difference to me. Not lying IMO.

A follow up question to those whom have had the fantasy...in your fantasy did you see yourself as the recipent of the 'loving' or did you see yourself as the one that needed to please the two females? I see that several men felt that they would have to 'please' both women, but my assumption had always been that most men would have imagined themselves to have just been the passive recipient.

I dunno, I don't really get that detailed, my brain wanders off after other shiny shit, but I have serious insecurity issues about my wife not reaching orgasm that took years to get past. I like taking her through the big O several times and it feels like that everybody has to get their cookies for sex to be done. I understand (or at least remember now) that apparently women can enjoy sex for an hour or so and not necessarily feel frustrating about not reaching orgasm. It's an alien concept to me but not being crazy about getting her there means she doesn't feel all pressured to also. I dunno how that relates other than I guess I just assume everyone has a smiley face and its off to ride bikes and kill mobs.

My question....if you are self-conscious about an aspect of your appearance, will you believe your SO if she tells you she loves that about you? My SO is a bit hairy and he is so self-conscious he has actually thought of waxing, but I find it irresistibly sexy and he seems to have a hard time believing it. (I would actually be mad if he waxed it, because I love playing with his hair!)

No. I think that's about needing to self validate. I am sure there are women out there who don't feel sexy even though their husbands chase them around the house every day, and that isn't about external validation. Same with guys IMO.

What is the male obsession with guns about?

Guns are weapons, weapons are extensions of fighting, fighting is apparently up there with beer, fire and meat.

Is it true that menz priorities are 1. Money 2. Women 3. Anything else he chooses ?

I bet for some guys. I bet for other guys it goes 1. RAID NIGHT FOR WARCRAFTZ 2. CHEETOHS 3. LONELY FOREVER

I won't drop EVERYTHING for sex with my wife but the list is short. Money is just another tool.

For those with children, do they fear you more than their mom? Why do u think that is?

Unfortunately I think this is true because it's easier for me to intimidate them. I don't like that truth very much.

Are there any men out there who have a SAHM wife who DON'T resent her for staying at home?

I didn't. She works now, but she works from home. I have spent enough time taking care of the household and the kids that I'd rather go to the fucking office than wash another sink full of dishes.

Tred is right about the stray-at-home thing. What I resented was her using the time to be with another man. Weekends away to get downtime from the kids - I assumed she was studying in peace, or just taking a long, quiet fucking bath with candles and ice cream and shit and no kids barging in. Think about your H telling you to go take a break and picking up all that shit at home, only to find out you've been off fucking some dude. it's not the staying at home that is resented, it's what was done during that time.

WRT the wrestling thing... I like it because it's fun to watch. If it's fake then those guys are fucking masters of their craft, because it is really easy to hurt someone with an armbar or, I dunno, jumping 15 feet with an elbow drop to the sternum. It's really hard to make it look convincing and NOT hurt someone.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7456 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
MissTrust
♀ Member
Member # 43549
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok I have a question for the guys

When we have sex from behind are you secretly pretending or wishing that we were someone else???


Posts: 75 | Registered: May 2014
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I asked a really dumb, insensitive question considering what forum I'm on. Sorry guys! This is the only place I know of to get honest opinions from a large sampling of men. I appreciate your input!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6776 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we have sex from behind are you secretly pretending or wishing that we were someone else???

Nope! It just feels different and wonderful!


Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not a menz but...

When we have sex from behind are you secretly pretending or wishing that we were someone else???

If this were the case they could wish it from any angle...


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
MissTrust
♀ Member
Member # 43549
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If this were the case they could wish it from any angle...

Haha true, but much easier to do if they are not looking directly at our faces lol


Posts: 75 | Registered: May 2014
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, womens' backs, hips and bottoms are really sexy. It's a great view to have.

Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I asked a really dumb, insensitive question considering what forum I'm on.

Not a bad question at all. Sorry if I came across upset, truly wasn't. I can only speak from my experience. I happen to know other SAHM situations that work. My brother and his wife do a great job from what I can tell.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jana - not at all! It was a great way to clear up that perception. The same might be true for SAHD's...


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3963 | Registered: Dec 2011
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no RyeBread, you didn't. I was just thinking I should have thought about my post a little more before I made it. I greatly appreciate your reply!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6776 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is going to be an embarrassing question for me, but it's something that has always bothered me.

When we had sex it was always me on top. I didn't mind it, but it gets old...quick. The problem I had was my husband would always turn his head and not look at me. Sometimes he would close his eyes. It really made me feel unattractive. When I asked him about it he said he was concentrating. I never really believed it probably because of my insecurities. Anywho...so that's my question. During sex when the woman is on top do men turn their heads and look away because they are "concentrating?"


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During sex when the woman is on top do men turn their heads and look away because they are "concentrating?"

I never did. Sometimes I would close my eyes but I usually liked to see what was going on.

ETA: I hate how I have to talk about sex in the past tense now. How long does it take to be a born again virgin?

[This message edited by h0peless at 12:12 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it was just his thing then. I don't know. It just really bothered me.

ETA: I hate how I have to talk about sex in the past tense now. How long does it take to be a born again virgin?

I don't know, but this coming July will make it four years without sex for me.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Topic Posts: 793
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.