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User Topic: Ask the menz...
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does he really find my 20 lbs heavier body attractive or is he just trying to be nice?

I do. Can't imagine most guys even notice 20 pounds more or less.

My wife lost 35 lbs from colitis before it regestered to me she looked any different. She was "comfy" when I married her. I fell in love with her that way. She just looked like the woman I love.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 658 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^ Thank you RyeBread!

ETA: Just saw your response Dr. Jekyll. I meant in terms of when we have questions for our husbands or want to talk about something together. I've grown up with it pounded into my head that "can we talk?" is the worst most horrrrrrible thing a woman can say, so was looking for alternatives. "I understand if you're busy" sounds like a perfect caveat and a way to make it less stressful.

[This message edited by silverhopes at 12:26 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3920 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pain killers, muscle relaxers, and steroids. This seems to be a potent aphrodisiac. Is this just me? Or does this happen to you too?

I am not a guy, but it is probably the combo of the pain killer and steroid that is doing it.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5155 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a question from menz to menz.
I have back problems, and when my back goes out i get a week worth of pill cocktail including. Pain killers, muscle relaxers, and steroids. This seems to be a potent aphrodisiac. Is this just me? Or does this happen to you too?

I am willing to bet that the physical stress relief from the pill cocktail allows you to think about other "things" than about how crappy you are feeling. I have intermittant back issues too. The more it hurts the less I want to do anything.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Hey honey. I have something I would like to talk about. Do you have a minute? If you are busy I understand. Let me know when you can talk."

That's just way too long. I find standing in front of the TV while the game/video game is on is a much faster approach. Just kidding.

I also wanted to add, that if (which is rare no matter who I'm with) I ask an "appearance" question it's because I want an honest answer. No the outfit doesn't look good. I liked your hair longer (no it's not too late, it can grow out) etc...

I liked what an above poster said (sorry can't remember who from this screen) about how fast the jeans can come off. That was just funny

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 12:24 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

simplydevastated, too funny

I workout at home. The WW would come downstairs and start jabbering while I had my headphones on and in the middle doing heavy weight. Would drive me nuts! Talk about losing focus.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are the most annoying things that women do?

Apparently it's asking them what they are thinking about

Now you've got it!

No really. FWW always asks me that. Sometimes I answer, sometimes I'm just enjoying a good think.

The other version of that is asking me "are you upset?" more than once. If I say no, it either means... no...or...yes (but I don't want to talk about it). I know my W expects me to pry if something is bothering her, but I expect her to let me be. For me, if I'm bothered by something, I tend to let it marinate and fizzle out. That's not the same thing as burying it, it's just me recognizing it's not that important and trying to let it go. By W badgering me about it, it can't fizzle out because it's boiling over.

Okay, what is the deal about long hair?
IDK. I like it short. Takes her less time to get ready so we aren't always late and I think it's damn sexy. She thinks it makes her look older but I don't see that at all. It looks fun and youthful.

That said, there is something really hot about a well done pony tail.

Another thing my W does that she shouldn't is asking a question she really doesn't want a truthful answer to. Because I'm generally truthful such as...

Does he really find my 20 lbs heavier body attractive or is he just trying to be nice?

There's a saying that women marry men hoping they change and men marry women hoping they won't.

Here's the thing. If W put on 20 pounds it would bother me, but it would be very noticable on her. She's fit and done with kids so I would interpret a weight gain as getting complacent, which is completely unacceptable post-A. Plus I don't want to hear about none of her clothes fitting anymore and how she has to go shopping.

But I'm reasonably observant. If she puts on weight but still eats properly and exercises I can't hold it against her, but it would still be less attractive. I'm sure my answer would be different if she haden't slept with other dudes but she poked a hole in the unconditional love tank.

----

There should be a ask womenz thread. If we promise not to ask about penis size would it be ok? But I guess I don't have any other questions. Never mind.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's the thing. If W put on 20 pounds it would bother me, but it would be very noticable on her. She's fit and done with kids so I would interpret a weight gain as getting complacent, which is completely unacceptable post-A. Plus I don't want to hear about none of her clothes fitting anymore and how she has to go shopping.

But I'm reasonably observant. If she puts on weight but still eats properly and exercises I can't hold it against her, but it would still be less attractive. I'm sure my answer would be different if she haden't slept with other dudes but she poked a hole in the unconditional love tank.

Then I am assuming in your M, you hold yourself to the same standard?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5155 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are the most annoying things that women do?

Apparently it's asking them what they are thinking about

Now you've got it!

Phew! I knew this thread would be good for something!

Ok, another question along the lines of the pill thing..

How does alcohol affect your, uh, performance?

I ask because most guys I've talked have said that they can't get it "up" when drinking.

My ex had the opposite problem. Whenever he'd been drinking, it was almost like he took Viagra. He would be erect forever, and I would be well finished and ready to stop and actually be starting to get sore, and he still won't have "gotten his" yet.

Does this just vary from guy to guy? Or is my ex abnormal this way?


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2639 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There should be a ask womenz thread.

There is now. Go for it!


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3920 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How does alcohol affect your, uh, performance?

It depends on how much a guy has had to drink! Whiskey dick is a very real thing. I can't get it up when I'm sloppy drunk, which is an extremely rare occurrence. A few drinks, on the other hand, can act as liquid courage and strip away any anxiety related performance issues. It's a matter of degrees.


Posts: 1802 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How does alcohol affect your...

Probably depends on the man. It helps me to a certain point. But if I am staggering drunk forget about it.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 12:45 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My problem was that he WAS staggering drunk, and that's when he would go for the longest..

Is it weird that he could get it up, but not finish?

So many times, I finally pushed him off of me, and he would just pass out, still with a hard on..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2639 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No BG not weird. Have had the same issue as well.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5155 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Imissmyhusb
♀ Member
Member # 42734
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In essence my W knows the potential threats to our M and can take an active role in protecting it. The other option is for me to keep that stuff to myself and beast it out alone. Personally I like the backup.

Is mindmonkey an outlier here?
Do menz want/need backup from their women, against potential threats (attractive women)?

I guess i didnt take an active role in protectg our M. I trustd my WH to be able to handle himself esp as a man in a superior work position to several women - many thgs can be construed as harassment these days. I cant be at his office to monitor his interactions w staff.


Married '03 - DD1 '01, DD2,3 '13, DD4 '14
3 kids 7y and 4y twins
me - sahm since '07, him - idk him any more
~~~~~~~~~
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Posts: 283 | Registered: Mar 2014
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The quickest way to get us menz to run for the hills is attack us, so far you ladies have been most gracious even when we don't verbalize things 100% to your liking. We need mutual trust in this dialog and to me that is telling the truth and accepting someone else may have a different truth than yourself.

Regarding extra weight. If you are both gaining weight or it's is because of a specific condition then to me understanding needs to be given no matter your partners preference. I personally do not prefer an excessively overweight woman, but I find pregnant woman sexy so try to figure that one out. I have a real problem with an overweight man who is bitching that his wife has gained some weight. I also have a problem with a woman who thinks we have to accept them as they are so they stop exercising/taking care of themselves and think cookies are a staple. Again just my preference, some men prefer heavier woman, I prefer a more athletic physique. I hold myself to a higher standard and I look at least ten years younger than I am because of it.

Some more elaboration on why saying nothing is easier than saying work, etc. For me it is easier when I don't want my thought to be interrupted. Part of my work is solving very complicated problems and a method I use is to basically load the problem into my brain and think about it in the background. Sometimes my expression that triggers “What are you thinking?” is because some insight has popped into my brain and I don't want to loose the insight or the focus on it to describe exactly what I am thinking about. The worst thing for me at that point is to have to shift into a conversation about why it isn't nothing or to have to describe details about what I'm thinking. For that moment in time I need my full mental capacity on my thought. It is also sometimes just some random thought that really has nothing to do with the current conversation so why interrupt the flow?

The specific question “Does this outfit make me look fat?” is a no win situation. If we say no you think we are lying because you probably already think you look fat in the outfit. If we say yes we are doomed as well. If instead you ask “How does this outfit look on me?” you may get a better response, but you have to keep the fat part out of it and you cannot interpret what we say as we are calling you fat (e.g. if I say it's a bit tight and you react as if I was calling you fat I'm not going to want to answer truthfully in the future). You may not believe it but we menz learn to avoid pain and often a non answer is less pain than us saying what you think you want to hear. I get the part regarding we need to find something we like about the outfit and compliment you, but you can't flay us when we point out something you may not like.

I prefer someone who can rise to the occasion and who doesn't have to continually prove herself
(confident in herself). So make that #2. That being said never rising to the occasion can be a problem as well. Like I said earlier, please don't make disheveled you style.

I'll have to think on the what and what not to ask questions.

I find talking things to death and using words as weapons very annoying. I'll describe the latter. If I say something or said something in the past please don't twist it into a negative so you can invalidate what I am trying to say. If you need to invalidate everything you disagree with then why would I want to talk to you? Why is my opinion any less valid than yours?

I don't know why, but I like long hair as well. Though depending on the volume of hair it can get a bit out of control.

I'm not really physically intimidated by people in general and even the smallest woman can intimidate anyone with a .45. I guess it's more about attitude. If you go around with an intimidating attitude that could be a problem, but being physically able to take care of yourself is not a problem for me.

If I'm engrossed in something and it's not important that your issue be addressed/discussed right now please leave me be. Nothing annoys me more than being interrupted over some trivial matter. I understand it may not be trivial to you and you may have a higher priority than I do, but please think about it before you just blurt it out.

I only drink in moderation and at that amount it has no noticeable effect on my performance.


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have told y'all everything else, so here goes...

There is no sex in my "marriage". NONE - for years. We are 60ish.

My husband is disabled - spinal cord injury - paralyzed from the armpits down. He has told me that he doesn't initiate sex any more because he doesn't feel welcomed to do so. That wasn't truly how I felt at the time he said it, but it is now.

He is not able to get an erection without a shot directly into his penis - but on the bright side - he can't feel it.

So, my question is this...Do you think he thinks about sex, has sex dreams, etc. Or is he just "asexual" now?

To piggyback on someone else's question, I have gained a lot of weight and literally hate my appearance. (Off topic a bit - when I gained weight, he hates my growth from "B" cup to "D" cup.)

I think it's me that he doesn't want - but maybe he just isn't interested any more an sex at all. (I'm as certain as any of us ever can be that he is not cheating.)

Does that happen? When considering our circumstances?


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does he really find my 20 lbs heavier body attractive or is he just trying to be nice?
That depends. Some men find that equally attractive or even more attractive. For me it was less about whether she was heavier or lighter but her attitude. If she was still affectionate and flirty then I'm all in. If gaining weight changed her attitude then that is a different story.

Wouldn't it be easier just to say "I'm thinking about a project from work" or "how I'm going to change a specific car part" etc...
The question "What are you thinking about?" was not the problem. It was the follow up questions like "Why were you thinking about that?" or "Well what do you think about this?"

Why do men run away (sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally) from the question "Does this outfit make me look fat?"
Because enough other guys have answered this question and experienced the aftermath to warn us.

Two women in a bar/market/shopping
#1 - Make up. Hair done. Nails done. High heels. Fit. Clothes accentuating the goods. Upon closer inspection, not really attractive but eye catching and flashy. Knows how to flatter what is good and minimize what is not.
#2 - No make up. Pony tail. A little sloppy. Upon closer inspection, nice features and the right curves sometimes show up under the loose clothes. Minimizes all features.
What do you think of these two women?
I find women who wear a lot of makeup are attractive but for some reason don't feel quite as approachable.

What are the most annoying things that women do?
Ok, sitting at the computer or tablet wearing earphones. Clearly I was paying attention to something else and probably can't hear anything very well. Stop me and make sure I take out the earphones first so I don't have to ask you to repeat everything you just said.

what are some questions that a lady SHOULD ask her partner?
What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to achieve?


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4082 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it weird that he could get it up, but not finish?

Not really. Alcohol tends to numb the senses. I could see how his mind could get things up but the body couldn't help seal the deal. Similar things happen with some men and antidepressants. Certain parts of the nervous system just aren't functioning like they should.

I also prefer to remember the fun I had the night/day before Sober sex is the best sex IMHO.

Do menz want/need backup from their women, against potential threats (attractive women)?

Not me personally.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do menz want/need backup from their women, against potential threats (attractive women)?

I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself against the scourge of attractive women. Some guys might need that boundary but for me, it was never an issue.


Posts: 1802 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
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