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Newest Member: si2day (45443)

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User Topic: Ask the menz...
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it frustrating to be asked to snuggle or cuddle without it leading to sex?

Not for me. I quite enjoy it. Morning cuddles prior to showering are a ritual . Hut Hopeless is right - we sometimes can't help being aroused. But we can control our expectations.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4028 | Registered: Dec 2011
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I walk with my head down if I can help it and smile manically (nervously) when I have to make eye contact.
(((((silver))))) that makes me sad :(


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7113 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely look at other men. If I see a tan guy with a six pack jogging shirtless down the road I'm going to look. I appreciate the male form. I really don't even feel bad about it. I know WH looks at other girls he finds attractive. Hell, sometimes I stare at them right along with him.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK - sorry if this has been asked already in some other wording:

How do you feel about a woman being the aggressor in sex? I'm not talking about someone you don't know very well that starts acting like she might eat you after sex , but rather a woman you know and are (or probably will be) intimate with?


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want him to see me noticing him because I feel like a total frump and I don't want him to interpret my looking as somehow ogling him - oh look at the pitiful chubby lady checking out my hotness!
Jannnnnaaaa! I wish you would learn to appreciate your incredible youth and beauty. One day, when you are my age and really are a frump, you are going to look back on your youthful beauty and think, damn, why didn't I appreciate my self and strut my stuff back then when I was a drop dead gorgeous young woman!!!!


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7113 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it frustrating to be asked to snuggle or cuddle without it leading to sex?

I don't think so. What you describe is quite ejoyable to me. We have something I call "naked snuggles". Mostly because I sleep in the buff . I love marveling at how human bodies fit together. I'd say on most occasions it does not lead to sex. However it should be noted that we do routinely have sex outside of naked snuggle time. If we did not, naked snuggles may be sexually frustrating.

I think you have to understand us menz can be like dogs (Pavlov's that is). If snuggling always leads to sex, it becomes expected and a chemical chain reaction can get started. It will take a little effort on his part but work on expectation management.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my reasons for not staring at other men has to do with a shame factor.

one of my reasons for not staring at other men has to do with the being a WW factor. Sorry, that ship sailed. Out of respect for my BS, I don't look, I keep my head down as well. It sometimes annoys the attractive man not getting my attention.

And it really bothers me if he looks, for obvious reasons...

If I see a tan guy with a six pack jogging shirtless down the road I'm going to look

and I'm going to wonder if his exercise and diet routine would work for me to get a six pack. But after 4 babies, that ship also sailed!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5328 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you feel about a woman being the aggressor in sex? I'm not talking about someone you don't know very well that starts acting like she might eat you after sex , but rather a woman you know and are (or probably will be) intimate with?

I mean, I might get confused if it isn't my birthday... I think it would be great as long as you're both on the same page about wanting to be intimate with each other.


Posts: 1754 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
CharachterReveal
Member
Member # 43477
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for being so open & honest!


I think that if all women, including my wife, could figure out how absolutely simple 98% of all men actually are that women would rule the world. All we want is 1) to be loved 2) to feel appreciated and 3) to be respected.

How do I show him respect and love WITHOUT being naked or manipulating with sex?

Posts: 95 | Registered: May 2014
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do men ever just become completely uninterested in all things sexual??? Really uninterested???

This was back a few pages but yes. When my wife was in the middle of her affair years ago, we were not having sex. After several months I gave up on the idea it was ever going to happen again and interest eventually faded completely. I will even admit that I did not masturbate for at least 3 months, though I think it was more realistically close to 6 months. It was

Should we just accept that it's impossible for us to be the one and only apple of our husband's eyes when it comes to other attractive women, no matter how much they love us?

I don't think that it is impossible unless you set the requirements to an impossible standard.

I was just wondering how guys would feel if women were staring at attractive men when they were with their H's?

JFO probably has a lot of plainly stated emotion when it comes to that. Unless you meant "noticed" rather than "full on staring" in which case I expect most guys don't care much.

One of those worryg nights i woke up in bed to WH startg sex. This was a few months after dday and my feelgs were still quite raw. After the sex i askd him what that was all abt, bcuz its confusg my emotions to b intimate w him.

He said he was just tryg to comfort me, with mom going thru the surgery and all.

Are you saying he was trying to have sex with you while you were sleeping?

That's kinda creepy.

Sometimes I want a few minutes of physical touch without having to commit to the whole shebang. Just 10 minutes of face to face, nose to nose, chest to chest, arms entangled moments so I can feel more centered, then lemme go.

Is it frustrating to be asked to snuggle or cuddle without it leading to sex?

No, unless it's implied there's going to be more than that. Sometimes it can get frustrating but that is because of chemistry, not anything relationshipish. Relationshippy. Relatio-thing. Feelings. Whatever.

How do you feel about a woman being the aggressor in sex? I'm not talking about someone you don't know very well that starts acting like she might eat you after sex , but rather a woman you know and are (or probably will be) intimate with?

Like the person you're married to? I don't understand how that's not fucking awesome in any world unless she's totally inappropriate and disrespectful about it. Like screaming "I WANT YOU TO FUCK MY EAR RIGHT NOW" in the middle of grammas wake or something. That's kinda fucked.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 3:38 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7495 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK... page 18... I'll jump in...

Is it important to you how verbal your partner is? I realize this can mean lots of different things and I'd appreciate answers on all aspects. Loud? Talking "dirty"? Affirmative words after or during?

Thanks, menz, for all your honesty! This has been both enlightening and entertaining!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 721 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like screaming "I WANT YOU TO FUCK MY EAR RIGHT NOW" in the middle of grammas wake or something. That's kinda fucked.

OMG


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5093 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it important to you how verbal your partner is? I realize this can mean lots of different things and I'd appreciate answers on all aspects. Loud? Talking "dirty"? Affirmative words after or during?

Loud actually bothered me sometimes. Like the time I got a written notice when I lived in the dorms in college. I liked hearing what I was doing right or what I could be doing to make it better as long as it wasn't said in a way that made me feel like I was horrible.


Posts: 1754 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just cuddling is fine with and very enjoyable for me since touch is one of my love languages, but it is highly advised to make sure I know it's just cuddling before we get started. Nothing more frustrating then some cuddle time, getting all worked up and then getting sorry got a go.

I am in the no sex before marriage crowd so I will rephrase this a bit. I'm okay if the woman is the aggressor in starting the relationship, making out etc. In marriage I have no problem with and enjoy when my wife initiates sex.

As long as I can tell you are having a good time I don't really care if you make a sound. To me a quivering body is as good as screaming your lungs out.

Silver, Jana, Be the best you can be and be proud of that!


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Affirmation and some verbalization is nice. We like to know your at least enjoying it a little. Loud not so much. Maybe I'm getting old.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.


Posts: 336 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How many men have had bi-curious thoughts?

Noticed this one hasn't gotten many answers. Every straight man will deny this vehemently.

Well, sure, I've had them. Even enjoyed some fantasies. However I have never ever looked at any man and thought, "I'd like to get with that", or even "there's a god-looking guy", and it certainly doesn't happen regularly. I don't know if this is ordinary or not: Obviously never discussed it with any other guys.

[This message edited by Pass at 4:42 PM, June 26th, 2014 (Thursday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2141 | Registered: Jan 2013
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you feel about a woman being the aggressor in sex?

If it's my W with me, or some other woman with someone else, I'm all for it, especially if it comes from authentic desire. I really liked my W getting flowers for me, and I like her initiating.

I think that if all women, including my wife, could figure out how absolutely simple 98% of all men actually are that women would rule the world. All we want is 1) to be loved 2) to feel appreciated and 3) to be respected.

I pretty much like women who want those same things.

Should we just accept that it's impossible for us to be the one and only apple of our husband's eyes when it comes to other attractive women, no matter how much they love us?

I have eyes, and I'm easily distracted. There are LOTS of attractive women around, and I notice them and enjoy what I see. But noticing all the attractive women is a far cry from letting one or more of them replace my W as 'the apple of my eye'.

Is it frustrating to be asked to snuggle or cuddle without it leading to sex?

No, but it took decades for my W to realize this.

I know we are not supposed to generalize but there it is, are very visual creatures.

I really disagree with this. For me touching is way more important than seeing. No comparison. Seeing is nice, but touching is what I want. This is pretty convenient - I keep myself from imagining touching anyone but my W, so I can look all I want.

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:45 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10429 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for answering,Pass.

I made the mistake of looking on craigslist a few months ago...men looking for men...and there were 1500 NEW ads that week. A skimmed through and found that most of them were married but looking. Many took selfies with their wives robes in the background,kids bathtub toys in plain sight.

It's far more common than most people realize.



BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7743 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I want a few minutes of physical touch without having to commit to the whole shebang. Just 10 minutes of face to face, nose to nose, chest to chest, arms entangled moments so I can feel more centered, then lemme go.
Is it frustrating to be asked to snuggle or cuddle without it leading to sex?
No, that's not frustrating. I actually like when a woman is clear about what she wants.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 4007 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
SoSorry17
♀ Member
Member # 43415
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have asked about boobs, the vag, sex and all sorts of topics. I may have missed it and you all have been very forthcoming. Even my BH.

My question is kind of frivolous. But here goes. What do you think is your best physical feature and why?


BH-SWAT70 Me-39
Three kids 11,6 and 3
He did file for divorce, the marriage will be ended 10/23/14.

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