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User Topic: Ask the menz...
JanaGreen
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Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just appalled at the reactions to the gifts. Seriously. Those are truly bitchy responses.


OK, here's my question. If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?

Totally hypothetical of course.

Also, if you are trying to conceive and your wife is way more interested in sex during fertile days, do you feel "used" for sperm or just happy that you're having more sex?

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 8:13 AM, July 11th (Friday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@JanaGreen

OK, here's my question. If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?

Hypothetically speaking, she has only partially redeemed herself. Yes, that may fix the bad news for that night, but I'm greedy so... At some point very soon I would expect my wife and I to have the mutual session scheduled where we were both supposed to do the work or whatever it was we had planned together. Having my world rocked at 3:30 am is pretty fantastic though...so as long as we get the rain check on the postponed session, all is more than well with the world. Hypothetically speaking of course.

In the end the women ultimately run the show though so I would really just be happy getting my world rocked by my wife at 3:30.


"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

Posts: 2484 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
1owner
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Member # 41157
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ trying_2_recover:

I'm 41, so I guess I'm mid-life. If I was on the dating scene at my age, I would consider it a blessing to find someone with only her Ex H for a partner. It would give me the idea that her values of relationships and sex were similar to mine. I have only been with my WW. I'm probably old fashioned and boring by today's standards, but I always kept myself only for her. I would be impressed by others who kept themselves only for their spouse.

Too bad that didn't matter to my WW.


Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2013
JanaGreen
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Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should probably mention that hypothetically this husband works from home and doesn't have to get up to an alarm (lucky bastard) so it's not like I screwed up his sleep TOO much. I mean, the wife. Not like the WIFE screwed up his sleep.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
RyeBread
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Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?

if that were to hypothetically happen to me it would fall in the annoyed and redeemed catagory. I won't pass up the 3:00 am romp, but you still have to make up for the tease from the night before. Win win!!

if you are trying to conceive and your wife is way more interested in sex during fertile days, do you feel "used" for sperm or just happy that you're having more sex?

Personally I would feel used. It would be nice to have my W just as excited to do that any time with me. Not more excited when she is getting something out of it she wants. I am a little jaded in that department so take that with a grain of salt


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
TrulyReconciled
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Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If a man is out with his wife and he notices a young woman sun tanning, and he says to his wife, "Who's that?", like she is somehow supposed to know... and then later when his wife wants to be emotionally honest with her husband and confesses to feeling a tinge of jealousy over that, hoping for maybe a little reassurance of his undying devotion, but the man gets very defensive and acts like the wife is accusing him of something, and he denies up and down that he was checking her out, and then he says, "My eyes are getting bad anyway, remember? I can't see far away."... but you know that his eyes work just FINE looking at far away things, which is why he wears READING glasses.. is he being truthful when he says that he wasn't checking her out? .... Oh, never mind.

Asking "who's that" is definitely a mistake.

Now keep an old expression in mind - "Just because you've ordered doesn't mean you can't keep looking at the menu." Doesn't mean we're going to change our order ...


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21572 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
1owner
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Member # 41157
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@JanaGreen,

That has actually happened a lot. I'm annoyed that she fell asleep in the first place, but that goes away when she wakes me up later. Kind of like "make-up sex".

Our first child was not a result of trying to conceive, but, we sort of "quit trying not to". Our second child, we were trying, there was also a miscarriage ( ) between our first and second, we were trying then too. The trying was equal, both of us totally wanted to. I never felt used as just a sperm donor, and I was also happy that we were having more sex.


Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2013
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It would be nice to have my W just as excited to do that any time with me.

That's one reason why the hypothetical wife feels really guilty for falling asleep! There's definitely, above and beyond the wish to get pregnant, a physical response to ovulation that makes sex more enticing at that time. But I don't want my H to feel used, so I try to maintain the same level the rest of the month, which is difficult! I miss being on the pill. Everything was steady-smooth then.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6972 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
yearsofpain25
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Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@JanaGreen

Missed this one for some reason...

Also, if you are trying to conceive and your wife is way more interested in sex during fertile days, do you feel "used" for sperm or just happy that you're having more sex?

We had to go through fertility treatments and the whole shabang with babies 1 and 3. Never felt "used". I was super happy with all the extra sex. Those were fun times and I remember them fondly.


"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

Posts: 2484 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Sal1995
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Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, here's my question. If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?

Annoyed and placated at the same time. But a minor irritation at worst. No biggie.

Also, if you are trying to conceive and your wife is way more interested in sex during fertile days, do you feel "used" for sperm or just happy that you're having more sex?

Interesting question. Since HB hasn't completely ended for us, sex is much more frequent these days. But I still sense a heightened desire for sex during the period when I think she's ovulating. Even though I've had a V and we're done having kids. It's a natural thing, I don't feel used at all. As long as she's having sex with only me, I'm not going to complain about much in that dept.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 1:12 PM, July 11th (Friday)]


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1498 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
cvs2kkids
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Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, here's my question. If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?

That was typically only when we had sex. Fell asleep for a couple of hours, woke up (and sometimes the wake-up was in a sexy way) then spent an hour or so on a mid-night romp. So for me, 2 thumbs up!!


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your min


Posts: 241 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
silverhopes
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Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, I have another question: Did you fall in love with your SO right away, or did it happen gradually?


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3938 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@silverhopes

OK, I have another question: Did you fall in love with your SO right away, or did it happen gradually?

For me it was "love" at first sight. Not sure how I knew but the first time I saw her I even told a friend I was probably going to marry her and that was before I had even spoken to her!! We got to know each other over 6 weeks at work. Then I asked her out and that first date was 28 hours long. Confirmed! I knew what I had and was desperately in love. I had lived with two other women previously and also had another ltgf that I was with for a few years. Knowing everything I knew, and what I came to know about MrsYop before we got married, I would say yes, it was right away. Wasn't as quick for her. It took that first 28 hour long date we had to make her fall in love with me. We moved in together roughly 2 months later and have been inseparable ever since.


"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

Posts: 2484 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
DefiledRage
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Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Defiled, please know that not all of us are so ungrateful. I'd never buy her another gift again!

I wished I was exagerating. Another horror story you ask, sure why not....

Mothers Day few months after PA dday2. I didn't really want to get her anything seeing as I know the truth as to what a brilliant mother she had been to the kids, dumping them on people to see the boyfriend and all. But I already had this big thing planned and its really about the kids celebrating the day not me, after all its not called Faithful Wives Day. I digress.
We had a wall that was a little blank and needed some help. I got lots of photos of the kids put them in different styled and sized frames, nice expensive ones no less. Then in the middle I put one of those professional photo canvas thingies of us on our wedding day.
I'm up until 4 in the morning (while she's sleeping of course) taking my time to make sure that it looks nice and doesn't look like I just started putting nails in the wall all willy-nilly. So lots of planning, lots of personalization, lots of money (12 frames total plus the canvas), everything she should want right?
Nope, her response, Oh I love it....BUT....that canvas of us is just to big, I don't like it, you should fix that.
I went and got the 5X6 photo of the wedding (same one I put on the canvas, plopped it in a plain silver plastic frame, and replaced the canvas. The canvas sits in the basement, but now we have a beautiful layout of our children accentuated with a 6 inch square gap and the 5X6 in the center.
Guess she got what she wanted in the end, she hasn't been up to fixing it herself anyway, and I'm sure not doing it.

Hence the amazon wish list, done trying.

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 3:10 PM, July 11th (Friday)]


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 580 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Ascendant
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Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, July 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, here's my question. If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?
Me personally, I'd be annoyed as hell. If I'm tired enough to go to sleep, that's what I wanna be doing.


Other people are not medicine.

Posts: 2304 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
ImSorry11
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Member # 43517
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have one. Would you appreciate boudoir shots from your wife/SO? Or do you think they're trashy?

I thought about surprising BH with some sexy shots for his birthday. They're pricey and I was afraid they'd somehow trigger him so I asked him (and removed the element of surprise) if that would be something he'd like.

He said, hell yeah! Then was a tad disappointed that I didn't know him well enough to know that he would love something like that. I just didn't know if they'd be too triggery. Any thoughts menz?


Me: WW 31
Him: BH 34
DDay 5/23/14, 4 month EA/PA
Married 8 years Together 11
3 Beautiful Kiddos under 7

Posts: 51 | Registered: May 2014
sisoon
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Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love at first sight?

Sorta, but not exactly. I met her on the first day of class for our senior year. We exchanged 'hellos' 6 days a week in a very intense course. I saw her as an overly prim grade-grubber.

During one of the drills, a few weeks into the course, a voice hit me with irresistible impact. I felt I had to get that voice into bed.(The whole memory remains very vivid even today, almost 49 years later.)

Then I figured out whose voice it was, and arranged coffee after class. She started answering my first question, and that was basically it for me. That was basically it for her, too, but it took months for either of us to figure that out.

I didn't fall in love at first sight, but I did it on intuition, not facts or solid experience with her.

Boudoir photos?

The A shows you don't know each other as well as you thought. I think asking was the right thing to do.

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:38 PM, July 13th (Sunday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10764 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
simplydevastated
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Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been on this thread in a while. I was just reading through and I can't believe the horror stories about gift giving. I mean seriously! I can't believe it! The word ungrateful doesn't seem to cut it.

Whenever I receive a gift my reaction is always something short of finding a lost city, I don't care what it is, that gift means the world to me, mainly because "he" gave it to me and "he" was thinking of me when he bought it. That's what makes it special.

I'm floored.

Wow!


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
changed forever
♀ Member
Member # 6995
Default  Posted: 12:56 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, I have a question, good sirs.

Couple days ago, I found two selfies on WH's computer.

Pic 1 was him topless, with the waist of his shorts pulled down a little bit so you could see his tan line - and also the line where his pubic hair starts.

Pic 2 was him naked and semi-erect.

He claims he took the pics for himself, as a way of boosting his self esteem. Hub recently lost about 10 pounds, and is in great shape. He's also got a new and amazingly deep tan from being in Florida and Hawaii on business for almost two months now. (Clearly with that much beach time, they're not working him too hard.)

My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?

Me, I think his "self-esteem" explanation is absolute frothing nonsense. But maybe there's some Super Secret Man Thing in which you guys take sexy pics of yourselves just for you?

WH and I don't live together any more (long story about why he's still at my house on occasion) and I assume he's sleeping with whoever will have him, so I don't actually care if he's sending naked selfies to 50 different women - I just want to know if the self-esteem thing is as big a steaming pile of baloney as I assume it is



Mad hatters.
Him: 51
Me: 50
Married 23 years.

My DDay No. 1: April 2, '04
DDay No. 2: June 23, '04
DDay No. 3: July '04

We don't live together, but we haven't actually divorced yet.


Posts: 541 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Far from home
mike7
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Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 2:37 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, here's my question. If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?

i'd be annoyed as hell. what, the show is more important than me? record the show.

this is a hot button for me because my ww has a tendency to do that. I don't like it a bit. I get all excited, anticipate, try to do something special for her, and then she chooses to watch a show, then fall asleep, then wake me up for a quicky. bullshit!


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 571 | Registered: Mar 2013
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