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User Topic: Ask the menz...
JanaGreen
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Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'd be annoyed as hell. what, the show is more important than me? record the show.

Oh hey, no. I asked him if he was ready to go to bed . . . he was watching a different show on TV and wanted to finish that, so I sat down next to him and watched my show on the iPad with my headphones in and fell asleep.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6936 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?

The shirtless one, maybe. Especially if I was dieting/working out.

The tan line one...not in a million years.

I would be very concerned


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind


Posts: 239 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@changed forever

My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?

Yep. What you said. Frothing nonsense. I wouldn't take selfies of myself in an effort to feel good about myself. The self-esteem thing IS, IMO, is as you said a big steaming pile of baloney. If you're not together, why would he lie to you about it?


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
RyeBread
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Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to know if the self-esteem thing is as big a steaming pile of baloney as I assume it is

That is a baloney sandwich with extra baloney, using baloney as bread and a tangy baloney spread for some zing. Basically he is lying.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
changed forever
♀ Member
Member # 6995
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@YOP25

If you're not together, why would he lie to you about it?

I dunno. Mostly because he is a conflict avoider, I expect. He has also been telling me for twoish years now that he quit smoking. Problem with that is, I can smell the smoke on him. It's not subtle, either. Oh, and I found a couple of receipts for cigs. And yet he blatantly lies to my face about it. Yeesh.

With the selfies, like I said, I assume he's probably posting them to AFF or Craigslist or something. I just wanted to ask you gentlemen about that nonsense explanation of his as a kind of gut check - just wanted to make sure my internal bullshit detector is still working, ya know?


Mad hatters.
Him: 51
Me: 50
Married 23 years.

My DDay No. 1: April 2, '04
DDay No. 2: June 23, '04
DDay No. 3: July '04

We don't live together, but we haven't actually divorced yet.


Posts: 541 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Far from home
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?

Nope. If I wanted to see what I look like naked, I'd look in the mirror. He's bullshitting you.


Posts: 1811 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say your bullshit detector is working just fine changed forever.

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 6:24 PM, July 14th (Monday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, July 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?

No. And I wouldn't do it even for that reason. Then again, we didn't have "selfies" the last time I was on the dating scene (20 years ago), so maybe I'm just not with the times. This more modern form of courtship strikes me as narcissistic and a bit bizarre. And when nude pics are involved...seriously?

Sorry you are going through this. My concern would be that the pics are being used to promote himself on a site like AM or Craigslist. His explanation sounds strained at best. Whatever the motivation, he needs to grow up.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1488 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Playing catch up.

I can't really answer the you've been around the block and your wife hasn't question. Take my age and divide by ten and that's the number of women I have been with sexually.

I think I am going to have a hard time trusting someone enough to develop a serious relationship with them. I believe it could happen, but she is going to have to be a wonderfully understanding woman.

Skin is what hold you together and as long as it doesn't feel like sandpaper I don't see blemishes as an issue. Remember in the end I am going to love you for who you are. Looks may catch my eye in the beginning, but that's not why I stay.

I seriously doubt anyone is going to suffocate from big boobs, but like others have said as long as we're not turning blue we are likely having a great time.

Often nothing is wrong is the correct interpretation and sometimes it is I have not finished thinking about what is bothering me so I can't give a complete answer or sometimes it was just a trigger that I know she doesn't want to know about, etc. One of the worst things for me is when I'm trying to figure something out is to get into a conversation with my STBXWW about it because the conversation usually ends up being about her instead of her being understanding and trying to help me figure out the nuances of the issue.

If I say I'm going to call I will call unless there is an emergency that prevents me from making the call and even then I will try my best and feel bad that I was not living up to my word.

I'm not certain if the white vs color is for us or you, but either way both is acceptable though a good mix is preferred.

A shower before is preferred if you haven't showered in days, but in general it is a don't care for me unless we are both showering and it's part of the prelude.

For the most part I only get what is on the grocery list, but I have been know to impulse buy things I know the family likes if I know we are out.

Yes I see dust and I know how to get rid of it on my own if needed.

I certainly understand none of us appreciate or look forward to your PMS time.

In general I don't spit in private so certainly would not do it in public. Yes sometimes something nasty gets in your mouth and spitting is appropriate, but I have never understood why some people have to spit so much.

Some talking is nice when making out, though too chatty can be an issue. Making noises during sex usually implies you are having a good time so is good positive feedback. A few short sentences during sex is fine, but I certainly don't want to have a full conversation at that point.

Have any of u been so lucky as to have never had to work for a womans affection/sex? Do men really not know how to seduce, and wait on their W for initiation? If so, how does this affect your M?
I understand intimate interactions involve two people and while I have not always been perfect I have tried my best to do my part. I am probably better at the grander gestures like romantic weekends/dinners etc. than the more subtle gestures. Though I will say it gets very disheartening when ones advances are routinely turned down because you are not in the mood, too tired or had a bad day. At some point we do want to just say well let me know if/when you get in the mood again. And like others have said your husband sounds really entitled. My STBXWW also wanted to act like she was the betrayed person and tried to make it all about her and how everything was my fault. Own your part to the marital dysfunction and no more! Like others have said do not take his abuse and manipulation.

I can't imagine ever getting desensitized to a woman who dressed sexy around the house, but I would sure be willing to see if it was possible. Conceptually I can see how it would happen since dressing sexy would become the new normal and normal has a way of becoming less special over time. For example I own a wonderful house with a massive fireplace and windows on either side that look out into the forest. I still appreciate that view when I see it, but it is probably not as special as it was when I first moved into the house.

Shopping for gifts is hell because there is some many different ways we can screw up. It's too big, it's too small, it's the wrong color or style, it's something I thought you would like, but you really hate it, it's not expensive enough, it's not romantic enough, etc. I always tried my best though there is certainly a lot of anxiety in trying to get a good gift.

I do eat healthy. I splurge on something every once in a while though I often go for a hike or do some other activity to compensate.

I think most men are slightly constipated because of their diet. I eat a well rounded meal and do not need to camp in the bathroom to take care of my business. In a public restroom you can hear guys grunting and groaning all the time.

I'm not certain why anyone would want to have lots of bad sex or no sex at all! Yes a quickie every once in a while might be needed, but for me sex is much more than just a physical release. I want quality as long as the quantity is reasonable and regular good sex would be appreciated.

Yes, once a week is not enough for everyone in the 50+ set. Some of us would still enjoy once a day or even more sometimes. Given my typically busy life a few times a week would be acceptable.

At my age being with someone who has had zero partners would likely be an issue though only having one who was a long term former spouse would not be an issue at all. Insecurity could be an issue depending on how you were able to deal with them long term. I guess what I am trying to say is being concerned/insecure in the beginning is okay, but if it became a long term problem that was not addressed then that would start to be a problem.

Plainpain. The simple answer. Your husband needs to get a clue!

Falling asleep before sex. I'll say that's just sad , but he could have woken you up when he was ready for bed. He choose not to and you tried to redeem yourself. I have to get up and go to work so would have been a bit annoyed being woken up in the middle of the night. Though maybe not. As far as I remember STBXWW never woke me up for sex. Could be a lovely way to start the day. To be safe you may want to add a little something special later for complete redemption.

I never felt used when we were trying to conceive and she had me doing all kinds of things she had read about. If it was going to help bring children into our lives I was game.

I loved my STBXWW long before we got married. It wasn't love at first sight, but it was certainly early in our relationship. That's one of the reasons her betrayal was so painful.

There is a difference between sexy and trashy. Sexy to me is in the tease/subtlety and trashy is more shoving your assets in my face. Sexy photos of someone I care about would be wonderful. I know someone who has full naked paintings of his wife in the common areas of their house. They put Post-it notes over certain areas when guest come over. To me the paintings are a bit over the top.

I can see having a picture of yourself in shorts or just underwear if your are working out and want to track progress, but other than this and especially given the naked and erect one screams something else. Your BS detector appears to be in great working order.


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know someone who has full naked paintings of his wife in the common areas of their house. They put Post-it notes over certain areas when guest come over.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6936 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Guinness23
♀ Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?

t/j for those when selfies weren't around the first time we dated and married....

Why would ANY of us want to take selfies of our aging bodies? Unless we have had serious lipo and other surgery to make us look like a blowup doll, WTF is this craze???? I can't even IMAGINE being at work when a pic of an aging penis comes popping up in a meeting and I am supposed to be attracted to just IT !!

end t/j


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 687 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
ButterflyGirl
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Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is a baloney sandwich with extra baloney, using baloney as bread and a tangy baloney spread for some zing. Basically he is lying.

I see you've met my ex..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2698 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
mike7
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Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hey, no. I asked him if he was ready to go to bed . . . he was watching a different show on TV and wanted to finish that, so I sat down next to him and watched my show on the iPad with my headphones in and fell asleep.

ok, that makes it different. and to be honest, if it only happened once in a while, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I was probably projecting from my experience, where it used to happen a lot. not fun planning a special night only to have your spouse decide to watch tv then fall asleep. then wake you up at 3 in the morning and ask if you're tired? duh..


I wouldn't be upset about her wanting to have sex with me when she's fertile because she wants to have a baby with me at all. to me, that's about as special as it gets.


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 546 | Registered: Mar 2013
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't be upset about her wanting to have sex with me when she's fertile because she wants to have a baby with me at all. to me, that's about as special as it gets.

That's awesome. That's a really touching statement.

I have to admit though that we're both pretty sick of sex after ovulation day. Doing it four days in a row sounds fun except that a lot of times we're just damn tired. Both of us. Maybe we're prematurely old.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 1:39 PM, July 17th (Thursday)]


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6936 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
sisoon
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Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prematurely old? Nah ... I bet you'll feel a lot more energetic when your kid is 5.

That's based on my memory of our son when he was 4 and my observation of our 4+ year-old GS. Hmmm...I guess that isn't a lot of data. Maybe you won't feel younger until she's 18....


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10580 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
changed forever
♀ Member
Member # 6995
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why would ANY of us want to take selfies of our aging bodies? Unless we have had serious lipo and other surgery to make us look like a blowup doll, WTF is this craze???? I can't even IMAGINE being at work when a pic of an aging penis comes popping up in a meeting and I am supposed to be attracted to just IT !!

Ya know, in all seriousness, I just do not get why so many men think that dick pics are attractive. Young, old, fat, thin, whatever - I'm sorry, most women when confronted by unsolicited dick pics just roll their eyes and think "What a loser."

I know the gentlemen who hang around SI probably don't do this but maybe you know guys who do - so please enlighten us ladies - WHAT IS THE DEAL HERE? Do most men not know that sort of pic will repel far more women than it will attract? Does sending a dick pic EVER work?

SMH...


Mad hatters.
Him: 51
Me: 50
Married 23 years.

My DDay No. 1: April 2, '04
DDay No. 2: June 23, '04
DDay No. 3: July '04

We don't live together, but we haven't actually divorced yet.


Posts: 541 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Far from home
Tickingtock
♀ Member
Member # 41411
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES! What is it with dick pics?!?! Why would any normal woman ever want that?!

I don't care if it's a stranger, my husband, or Channing Tatum. I don't want to glance at my phone thinking I have a text and see a weird fuzzy scrotum!


Me: 31, exBGF, now married

Posts: 226 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: West Coast, USA
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto^^^

And to add to the penis pics and naked selfie craze, VH1 has a new show called Dating Naked. Seriously, like dating isn't awkward enough.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5336 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry. Couldn't help myself. All this talk of dick pics I had to see what all the fuss was about!


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
exsailor66
♂ Member
Member # 6638
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been here in forever, but this caught my "cute old guy" attention.*

It gets better with age. Now, I can get both nipples in my mouth at the same time...and, since they are right in front of my face, she's doing the "heart-attack" preventative, female dominant thing. Hope this isn't TMI....no, forget about...it is the truth, the WHOLE truth, and nothing but the truth.

Don't get me started on complete dentures!

*I claim to be a "cute old guy" because I am 65 and still alive. Before 65, I would be defined as a "pervert"...so, I get the "grey hair waiver" on my filter(s).


Me: BS-60
Her: Gone
D-day Feb 11/05
Met Donna on eHarmony, Oct/05
Married Donna Oct. 9th, 2006
Doesn't hurt a bit.

And in the end...the love you take...is equal to the love you make. Lennon/McCartney


Posts: 4418 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: A Toronto boy, happily exiled in Savannah, GA
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