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User Topic: Ask the menz...
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, July 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Penis size seems to come up a lot in men's worry lists, so I am wondering if that is because men really do care a lot about the 'size and shape' of the lady bits. I know in Porn Land it does, but how much difference does it actually make to the sexual experience for a man if a woman is really young and skinny? After 3 pregnancies, all is not as it once was, and I get that tighter is probably better somehow. I wonder if his AP was a better sexual experience than me because she was young, even though I have 20 years experience on her.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how much difference does it actually make to the sexual experience for a man if a woman is really young and skinny

So I have had exactly one partner in the past twenty years so not much recent experience.

I'd say it matters....some. For me skinny isn't attractive at all, I like curves. And too young is just, I don't know, not very interesting I guess. But that said, a fit, attractive body is a turn on. But so are lots of other things too. It's part of a package.


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 644 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
wk55hn
♂ Member
Member # 44159
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how much difference does it actually make to the sexual experience for a man if a woman is really young and skinny?

To paraphrase a famous old baseball player, half of sex is 90% mental. Meaning, it has a lot to do with enthusiasm. Different guys find different things attractive, so if you are the type that the guy finds attractive, he is going to be more enthusiastic about you. If you are enthusiastic about him, that also plays into it. Someone I know likes to say, it's all the same in the dark. So, young and skinny - the actual sex - no real difference - all other things being equal.


Posts: 324 | Registered: Jul 2014
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would you appreciate boudoir shots from your wife/SO? Or do you think they're trashy?
I like them. My wife had them done... I look at them every so often, they would have meant soooo much more to me if they weren't one of the lies I got when I first discovered her at the hotel room w/AP.
OK, here's my question. If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?
It would redeem it for me. I would love to be woken by the W just for sex.
Would u feel that u couldnt trust your wife anymore if u found out she was invading your privacy?
We are married... I don't need privacy and it's hasn't been long enough since her A to give her any privacy back.
Why would he not be making improvements to try to draw me back to him? Why wouldn't he make the effort to step out of his comfort zone and do the things I need, like opening up emotionally.
It's not easy for me a BS, I try to work on it every day. I never was big before the A, about sharing my deepest and darkest thoughts and feelings. It seems a lot easier for both me and the W to share over a text message or an email.



BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 408 | Registered: Dec 2013
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Penis size seems to come up a lot in men's worry lists, so I am wondering if that is because men really do care a lot about the 'size and shape' of the lady bits.
Those two things never connect in my mind. I don't ever recall even thinking about the 'size and shape' of a woman's lady bits.

how much difference does it actually make to the sexual experience for a man if a woman is really young and skinny
I don't seek "young" women. Not much in common there usually. Skinny? Well I'll try not to hold it against her but I prefer some curves.

Would you appreciate boudoir shots from your wife/SO? Or do you think they're trashy?
If I know they're just for me then I would be way more than appreciative.

OK, here's my question. If you and your wife talk in the evening about how you're going to have sex that night, and your wife then falls asleep on the couch watching Orange is the New Black, wakes up at 3:30 am, and wakes you up for sex (doing all the work while you just lay there), is the wife redeemed or are you annoyed that she fell asleep on the couch?
That's a tough one for me. I might worry that she was trying to have sex with me because she thought she had to. I don't want her thinking "Oh crap! I better do this or he's going to be mad (or upset)." or "I'm kind of tired but he was probably looking forward to this."
I don't need to be placated. I would worry that since she fell asleep there is a chance she wasn't really looking forward to having sex all that much. I would want an honest expression of her desire to have sex.
However, I've also never been one who likes to lie back and let her do all of the work either.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3872 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Young? Smart, curious, enthusiastic about life are all more important to me. I like hearing the perspectives of young people, middle-aged people, and old people. For sex, I think compatible energy levels are more important than age.

Skinny? I guess who a person is trumps how the person looks, but the young Sophia Loren really captured my attention. I would not call her skinny.

W was skinny at the end of her A - she weighed too little to qualify for LT care insurance. She was also very unhealthy, and one of my reqs for R was that she gain weight.

Skinny is over-rated, IMO.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Skinny is relative.

Like, the 13 character on House, I think she is unnaturally skinny and therefore zero sexual attraction factor.

I personally prefer short & curvy but like mhca, I've had one partner for the past 20 years (she is my only partner) so really, what she looks like is my baseline for sexy. The closer to her, the more attractive the woman physically.

That kind of thing really seems like a personal preference though. I understand there is a social pressure for being TFS for women in general but, for the most part, that's not something unattainable as a goal. If some guy wants a bigger dick you can't just go pump some weights for 6 months and add on that length and girth. That isn't an entirely fair comparison, I know.

What I think the answer to this question comes down to is the inaccessibility of a personal experience to judge for oneself. Not the dick size thing necessarily but the option of comparison - for me, my wife fucking a guy with a bigger dick while my sexual experiences lay solely within her purview, for lack of a better word at the moment, generates a certain escalation of the already extant insecurity of Dick Size. I've only got her opinion, and that's all I have to go on.

What I mean by inaccessibility is that without cheating, or some careful and awkward planning on both our part, that comparative opinion is never going to happen. So while it should be irrelevant, it's just one of those things.

I suspect it may be similar to a BW and the whole young & skinny thing. If it doesn't relate at all then I made you read all that shit FOR NOTHING.

Also, I don't get the whole stretch marks issue. It's like a verification that your vagina works great. Are there guys that talk about it being ugly or something? I have never heard a comment about it from a guy.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7451 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question: When men say "curvy" are they mostly thinking of breast size?


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@JanaGreen

When men say "curvy" are they mostly thinking of breast size?

Nope. Not breast size. All of a woman's curves. When I think curvy I think of the complete package. There are many different types of curvy body types. There is something to be enjoyed in all of them.


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2154 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question: When men say "curvy" are they mostly thinking of breast size?

That's a big part of it of course. But the curve between the hip and waist is an interesting one. And the outer leg tapering to the knee. Also some roundness in the face is something I like.

OK, now I'm getting distracted....


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 644 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question: When men say "curvy" are they mostly thinking of breast size?

Okay, look. Fat = soft. Women are soft, smell nice and have strikingly different dimensions than men. Boobs are just one coordinate in the local definition of Curvy.

Here is math for it:

That is a B6 polytope. There are lots of different kinds of them, just like the bra size.

Sometimes curvy can be attributed more to ass, hips, etc; if I provide all the coordinates then all you'll need is one more sigil to activate the Stargate, so I'm just gonna leave it there.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7451 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's some beautiful math right there.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6764 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if I provide all the coordinates then all you'll need is one more sigil to activate the Stargate,
LMFAO at the Stargate reference! Nice!


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1905 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
PrtyInPink
♀ Member
Member # 44148
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@StillGoing. That looks like a boob.

This thread has got me cracking up!


Me: 30ish Him: 30ish (99% sure he has NPD)
Together 14 yrs, Married 9 yrs
His #1 EA D-day 10/20/09
His #2 PA/EA d-day 7/11/14
My EA Dday 10/21/09
My brain says leave, my heart says stay

Posts: 246 | Registered: Jul 2014
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question: When men say "curvy" are they mostly thinking of breast size?

I sure don't. Women have so many wonderful curves. ETA - breasts are included, of course.

(This question made me realize men, too, have lots of curves, some very similar to women's curves.)

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:49 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When men say "curvy" are they mostly thinking of breast size?
No, I'm referring to her whole body.

Ok, I'm reaching back to answer this one...

Pic 1 was him topless, with the waist of his shorts pulled down a little bit so you could see his tan line - and also the line where his pubic hair starts.
Pic 2 was him naked and semi-erect.
He claims he took the pics for himself, as a way of boosting his self esteem. Hub recently lost about 10 pounds, and is in great shape. He's also got a new and amazingly deep tan from being in Florida and Hawaii on business for almost two months now. (Clearly with that much beach time, they're not working him too hard.)
My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?
No. Just....no.

[This message edited by Brandon808 at 7:00 AM, July 22nd, 2014 (Tuesday)]


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3872 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, July 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't imagine taking a picture of my private parts and using that as part of dating. To be honest I'm just not that self-centered and I doubt I'm interested in a woman who thinks it is part of dating.

For the most part I don't need privacy from my wife. Yes there are probably things she could do that would make me feel like she was invading my privacy, but if there is trust she wouldn't need to do anything drastic and if she had a good reason I would understand. Most of the time privacy is used to coverup things people want to hide and I try to be an honest and truthful man with nothing to hide.

It sounds like your husband is just lazy or doesn't have the capacity to change. Changing oneself is hard work and some people don't seem to have the ability to do it on their own. What consequences does your WH suffer for not changing? Knowing that your love languages are different requires you each to change some to interact better with each other. I'm a BS and cannot answer your second question though I had some of the same fears/feelings.

As a BS I can't even relate to being with another woman while being married. Let alone answer how it could happen. We are heading for divorce and I still wear my ring because we are still married. Though it has certainly lost its specialness.

Brandon, I'm going to say they probably feel regret not remorse. I believe the standard SI definition is regret is about how I feel about what I did wrong and remorse is how I show you I feel about what I did wrong. From what kick wrote I don't see any remorse.

I think most of us don't worry about our size until it becomes an issue because of something you say or do. I think we have already answered the lady bits size question earlier in the thread. For the most part we don't care too much. Too young and too skinny is an issue. In reasonable shape and close to my age is preferred. I can't imagine dating someone who was young enough to be my daughter. Since I'm fairly active my dating age range will probably -10 to +5 years relative to my age.

Curvy to me is certainly breasts though they are certainly not the majority item. Nice curvature around the waist and butt/hips is also very nice as are many other curvacious regions (neck, face, legs, etc.). Nicely balanced curvature is my preference.

Good one StillGoing, but those look like straight lines not curves!


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 157 | Registered: Mar 2014
Shocked2believe
♀ Member
Member # 41010
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay guys, please help. WH and I have been together since high school. He's my only and he's only had one or two other partners besides me. So in a conversation about infidelity, WH (and I know I have to remember this came from a waywards perspective) told me that 'Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home. Whether they do our don't didn't matter but EVERY man desires this and would be lying should they say otherwise'. Anyone willing to please shed some light on statement for me?


Me: BS Married 10 years, together 20
Him:WH - EA with engaged COW.

'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway, you're blocking the traffic'


Posts: 122 | Registered: Oct 2013
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home.

Bullshit. Every man has passing thoughts about other women, but not every man "wants" to try someone new, and especially not to increase his appreciation for his wife!


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 334 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home. Whether they do our don't didn't matter but EVERY man desires this and would be lying should they say otherwise'. Anyone willing to please shed some light on statement for me?
That is wayward thought processes, not a man's. It is clearly intended to justify those actions with a really lame rationalization that does not apply to "every man".


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3872 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
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