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User Topic: Ask the menz...
Twitchy
♂ Member
Member # 25393
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

'Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home. Whether they do our don't didn't matter but EVERY man desires this and would be lying should they say otherwise'.

Utter crap. Women look at guys as much or more than guys look at women. When you do, do you actually want to have sex with all of them? Neither do we. He said that because he wants to. He's hoping the sweeping generalization that all men are dogs will bail him out of jam.


BH(me)-49, FWW-43,
D-Day #1 - Oct 2007 - On-Line EA leading to a failed rendez-vous
D-Day #2 - Nov 2008 - In person EA caught early.

Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot


Posts: 659 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Ontario - Canada
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah - a firm NO to the dick pics. If that's the best thing about you that you have to draw me in with, I'm not interested.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

'Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home.

1) That simply doesn't apply to every man.

2) Try something new out to prove to oneself how good one already has it? That's really lousy thinking. In fact, it's rank stupidity.

IMO, a man doesn't try out a new woman unless he is dissatisfied by something in his relationship with his current BS/O - that is, he's dissatisfied with himself and blames someone else.

3) In my limited experience, the more sex I've had with my W, the better it is. I think it just takes time to get in sync with each other and to learn what we each like. I don't see how someone new can possibly be a satisfying sexually as my W is.

[This message edited by sisoon at 10:09 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10582 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
TrulyReconciled
♂ Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?

I wouldn't do that at all

And NO ONE said there would be math ...


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21449 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home. Whether they do our don't didn't matter but EVERY man desires this and would be lying should they say otherwise.
Um, no! That seems like wayward thinking/justification to me. I may appreciate seeing someone I consider beautiful, but I most definitely am not thinking if I have sex or develop a relationship with someone else that would make me appreciate me wife more. That line of thinking is wrong on so many levels.


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

'Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home. Whether they do our don't didn't matter but EVERY man desires this and would be lying should they say otherwise'. Anyone willing to please shed some light on statement for me?

Is the context like "This sim is boring now so I'm going to remove the door when he uses the can, destroy the toilet and watch him drown in his own filth before I make another one" because I do that.

Does he mean fucking other people? Maybe in the context of "should the opportunity present in an appropriate way" but I think he's actually fuzzying the line between fantasy and reality here because yeah, being the sex god of my own superplanet would sound as cool as shooting force lightning out of my cock. Cheating to get there is like hooking up a DC line to my dick and spraying sparks around the parking lot. It's dangerous, stupid, potentially very painful and humiliating and has absolutely no connection to Appropriate or How This Went In My Head Fantasy Version.

Alternatively he's not even that deep and just happens to be an asshole.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7580 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question: How can you still love your wife but get aroused and enjoy sex with another woman?

Good question, I wouldn't know.

how much difference does it actually make to the sexual experience for a man if a woman is really young and skinny

I've been exclusive to someone who is now middle-aged and curvy, and can say that I find that very pleasing. At my age, with two teenaged daughters, "young" is starting to seem a little creepy. For me, that's about 30-35 anyway. As for skinny, it's never been my personal preference. Average, or even a little on the plump side is more appealing to me. To each their own.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 11:06 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1488 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH (and I know I have to remember this came from a waywards perspective) told me that 'Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home.

I would call bullshit on this one, but am afraid that I would offend true bullshitters who take more pride in their craft than that. Because true B.S. takes at least some effort, and this is so weak that it doesn't even rise to the level of half-ass.

Dude, you screwed around so you could gain a better appreciation for your wife...really? Complete nonsense. Come up with something better than that. Like the truth - you were weak, your character and integrity are lacking, and you screwed up big time.

Hey, all kidding aside, I'm sorry you are going through this. I really hope he pulls his head out of his butt soon. Hang in there.


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1488 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
olwen
♀ Member
Member # 39759
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would just like to expand on a part of plainpain's question. apologies if it has already been covered but this wonderful thread is too long for me to read all the way through.

How important is the type of vagina a woman has?

AP was dry, tight, small and neat. Apparently he didn't like it, said it was painful.

Ouch, my fault for asking...

I needless to say am not. I am overweight and not at all like a porn star.

1) could he 'really' prefer overweight 'bits'? He says it's more fun but I just think - yuk!
2) can a woman really be too tight, so tight that it's painful for a man? I always thought the tighter the better?
3)is wet better than dry?
4)how much does it really matter? Slim vs padded, young vs old, pretty vs not so pretty, porn star vs real life?

I suppose it's all the same question really.

[This message edited by olwen at 4:22 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]


Together 19yrs
me BS 36
him WS 41 (silent lucidity)
ea 1 facebook flirting with an ex 2011
ea/pa - co worker 6wks feb to apr2013 pa for 1 wk with sex one time
too much tt to count = latest tt 30/7/14

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@olwen

How important is the type of vagina a woman has?

Good question. To me this is much in the same vein as the penis question that we men keep asking the womenz over and over again. How important is size to you? Cut vs. uncut? Maybe I could turn that question around about does a penis feel better when it's wetter? etc. The answers to those questions are all relative. In my experience, each vagina is completely unique from the next and there is something beautiful and to be appreciated about every single one.

1) could he 'really' prefer overweight 'bits'? He says it's more fun but I just think - yuk!

If your WH prefers yours, I would believe him. Personally I have been with both. I could care less about skinny vs overweight. Not that much difference between the two. Really.

2) can a woman really be too tight, so tight that it's painful for a man? I always thought the tighter the better?

Only experienced that once when I was 16 and she was close to being a virgin. It was a little uncomfortable but not painful. Pain for either party down there = no go in my book. Tighter does not automatically = better unless you are reading erotica or something.

3)is wet better than dry?

For this one I have to agree that the wetter the better. Chaffing for either party = just no. Dryness can occur for many reasons. If dry, no big deal. Just add lube. Lots and lots of lube can be very fun even if you don't need it!

4)how much does it really matter? Slim vs padded, young vs old, pretty vs not so pretty, porn star vs real life?

First of all, contrary to what anyone else thinks, IMHO they are all very pretty/beautiful. Young vs old? Not sure how that question applies to the vagina other than the person attached to it. There are no "age qualities" that I have ever found with a vagina. Never been with a porn star so can't say. However, not to be crass and hopefully this is more technically speaking, I have been with a small vagina that I would have to take my time warming up before intercourse and I have been with a vagina that was very large. Complete opposite ends of the spectrum. You know what? Didn't matter. I could find something to appreciate from both of them and I learned a lot from both of them. More importantly, I learned what was going on with the person emotionally and mentally attached to the vagina. You'd be surprised at how emotional and mental aspects can be related to the vagina. To me, that's more important that the actual physical features.

Sorry that was long. Bottom line, believe your WH in what he likes about you. Overall, it doesn't really matter and as I said above, it's all relative. More importantly what is going on with the person is much more important than the vagina itself. Set yourself free Olwen and don't worry about it.

yop

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 3:56 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH (and I know I have to remember this came from a waywards perspective) told me that 'Every man wants to to try something (someone) new at least once so they can then appreciate what they have at home.

Umm, not just a pile of bullshit, I'm thinking its stacked so high in that statement that you'll soon hear the perpetrator yelling "look out below!"


My question is, would any of you guys EVER take sexy selfies for any reason except to send to somebody you want to sleep with?

Selfie period. No. Didn't realize we had any high school aged in this club?

how much difference does it actually make to the sexual experience for a man if a woman is really young and skinny

Young = inexperienced
skinny = bony as hell and certain positions are going to be REALLY uncomfortable. Tailbone stabbing you on every push = turn off.

Prefer a little meat on the bones myself. Not fat but curvy / plump will do nicely, thank you very much!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
WabiSabi
♀ Member
Member # 43489
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HurtingandLost and others… thank you for sharing such personal comments. I have an eating disorder based on low self-esteem and my fWH of 20+ years being fixated on me being super fit and thin and criticizing me if I stray outside of it. The ewwww comment about tail bones actually gave me something positive to latch onto with keeping my weight healthier. My H is my one and only since 18, so I assume all men think like he does and see my value through how much I weigh and how thin my face is or isn't. My H used to, anyway, he's starting to understand the damage he's done to me with his constant comments on my body when it slips outside of perfection. Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for helping me gain insight into healthy.

Posts: 116 | Registered: May 2014
716dayslost
♂ Member
Member # 11536
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMHO, BH here. I always fantasized about a 3 way with another woman. The point of it for me was a sexual experience we would do together. My WW would have called all the shots and if she said I could not to touch the other woman, I would agree to that also. It was not a sneaky way to have sex with another woman. My WW never agreed because she was not into that. I would have said the same if she wanted another guy. Not my thing.

The reason why I posted is to explain my approach to honesty in the relationship. I wanted us both to be free to express our fantasies and desires openly. I stated my thoughts and she stated hers. Mutually it was not agreeable, therefore it never happened.

Remember I was the BS. But some will chastise me for even thinking of it. I never want to be in a relationship where ones thoughts are controlled. People in general will have sexual thoughts and fantasies. It is their actions that go astray. All the many sexual thoughts I had over the years, none caused me to stop loving WW or to be unfaithful.


You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down

Posts: 1578 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: New York
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Olwen,

Everyone has their own preference. If you believe it's working for him go with it.

I would guess there could be too tight. Though I don't know since I have never experienced that.

For me wet implies I have excited my partner and we are ready for the next step. If dry was a perennial problem I'm sure some lubrication would help/be needed, but I would initially want some reassurance that this was normal and not a lack of desire/excitement.

I'm not sure how to answer your last question other than we all should live in the real world. For me it's the person I'm with that is important, not the exact details of their lady parts.

Wabi Sabi,

Be the best you and be happy with that! Striving for perfection is setting yourself up for guaranteed failure.


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought of one yesterday. When I was in college, my friend had a roommate who was cute and very, very funny. She was one of the funniest people I'd ever met. My brother told me once that he'd love to date her but he'd be WAY too intimidated by her because she was funnier than him. He said he couldn't stand that she was funnier (my brother's somewhat of a clown). Also, he refused to date a girl who was smarter. He didn't want to date a DUMB girl, but he said he always wants to be the smarter one in the relationship.

Is this a typical male ego thing, or a my brother being a weirdo thing?


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

or a my brother being a weirdo thing?

I'd have to choose option B on this one


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37636 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd have to choose option B on this one

My brother IS a bit of a weirdo, so I understand.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll go with option B as well. I can see the desire for not being too far apart on the intelligence scale, but needing to be/feel superior seems like an issue.


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2014
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Vag: Yes, please. I guess all shapes and sizes. I have no frame of reference other than pictures. Never seen an ugly one though. If it's dry, foreplay is probably the problem. Still dry, there's always KY.

Skinny: Never dated anybody who could be called "very skinny". I was a skinny kid and adult and my siblings are all skinny as well. I like curves. It's different. STBXWW was a bit overweight and fluctuated a fair amount, and I never thought it was a bad thing, though she definitely had an insecurity about my family all being skinny (was that a red flag?). My perfect woman shape is the "70s good looking". Apparently that's too big for today.

Smart: Smart is sexy. Big time. I guess it's a self-esteem issue. Cuts both ways, too, I have gotten the "I'm usually the smarter one in my relationships", and it doesn't feel good that they're intimidated by my brains.
Intelligence, btw, is a huge burden of responsibility. It's like being strong and being constantly asked to move furniture, except people ask you about life choices. With long term or permanent consequences.

Funnier than me: That's easy. I'm not unfunny, but I'm cautious with my jokes so I'm not exactly class clown. I'd say more women are funnier than me.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 761 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Skinny: I don't really care. I'm not attracted to morbidly obese, though. My ex bounced around between a size 10 and a size 16 while we were together and she looked just as beautiful to me either way. 16 was a little bit bigger than I liked because (WAY TMI ALERT!!!!!) I really liked to go down on her and when she was that heavy, I had to hold her belly out of the way of my nose so I could breathe.

Smart/funny: I'd love to be with someone who was smarter than me. I think it would be fun. Funny is great too. I love to laugh. Your brother is weird.

[This message edited by h0peless at 7:45 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)]


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