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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need Help Understanding or moving on!
crosby33
♂ New Member
Member # 42655
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS said everything we have discussed is the truth. Whenever I have a question WS answers it. But what I have read does not match what she tells me, but she explains why she did it. But something still just does not add up to me. Is it because of the deception and lies she told before hand and now I am suppose to believe everything she says now? MC & IC have gone great for us, also we have been having great days. But this is still something that haunts me. I have already told her I do not believe everything or I think she has not told me everything and her response is that she isnt hiding anything and everything is the truth. I So want to believe it but I dont see how I am able to yet.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Mar 2014
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But what I have read does not match what she tells me,
What do you mean what you have?

You could have her write you out a timeline of everything that happened, when, what and where.


Posts: 4270 | Registered: Jun 2002
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well if everything she has said is true..and if you know everything...then she wouldn't have any problem taking a polygraph....right?


Tell he'd you wAnt her to take one...an follow through. Many WS'S will give a parking lot confession right before the test. Follow through anyway.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
molly5
♀ Member
Member # 43147
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You and I are on the same boat ride! Only I have WH, I have got some truth but it doesn't add up to everything I read. I think they think by leaving some out they are sparing feels, as if that is a option once on this awful experince!
Wish I had wise words, I hope you know that others care and you are not alone!


Me:37
WH:42
married 17 years
I will not let the anger change me, I am going to raise myself up and keep growing. To let the anger change me would be like they won!

Posts: 62 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: PA
crosby33
♂ New Member
Member # 42655
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read the text messages. What she tells me about them and my view are 2 different things. If I never read the text messages and just heard what she has to say I think things would be different. But Since I read them I come to my own conclusion. As far as the poly I have asked her that long before and she said she doesnt want to move backwards but move forwards. Again I take this as a sign she is lying. The only thing is she is doing work in IC that if she is lying she is doing alot of lying and going through some hell in IC. I mean this Woman is a completely changed person, even from the first day we met. She is more loving supportive attentive, just everything positive. So it is very confusing.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Mar 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe everything she has said in answering your questions is accurate, but have you asked the right questions? If you're asking her about event X, how do you know there wasn't event Y or or both? Your post is somewhat cryptic, Crosby, so I can't offer a more concrete example.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Badhurt
♂ Member
Member # 41947
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Confused,

You said IC and MC was going great, but if you still do not believe you have or know everything than it is not going so great. I do not think you can really R or forgive unless you actually believe you have the total truth, and you obviously do not.

i wold bring that up in sessions with both IC and MC and see what they say, and no, a polygraph in NOT out of the question if that is what you need. She is the one who messed up here, not you.

Just the requisition may force the truth to come out because if she says no that is not a good sign and if she says yes and is withholding information then it will also come out.


Posts: 1097 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Eastern USA
crosby33
♂ New Member
Member # 42655
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have asked every question detail by detail. Comming from Generations of cops I was taught early on how to read people and knew right away she cheated on me. I asked questions from time a-z. No stone has been unturned. I have phone records seen the texts. The timeline matches up, never had an issue with the timeline. I have an issue with how she was feeling at the time and if the feelings she is telling me is the truth.

Posts: 31 | Registered: Mar 2014
craig2001
♂ Member
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So you are talking about emotional questions and answers, not actual factual questions and answers.

Emotional answers are very hard to get an answer for.

For one thing, the emotions at the time of the affair, or more accurately at the exact time something was said, could be very different today looking back at that time.

If she loved the OM back then, today she might look back in disgust at him and the entire thing.

She might realize that the love was fake, phony and sickening and a lie.

Maybe the only emotional type answer that should make sense is the WHY. Even asking how could you might be very hard for a WS to answer since they are not thinking today like they did back then...thankfully or there would be no R.

If you have the facts and maybe some emotional type answers, I think you should be thankful she has changed like this.

What exactly are you worried about that you have not gotten an honest answer to.


Posts: 4270 | Registered: Jun 2002
Topic Posts: 9

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