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User Topic: Well Crap.
time2grow
♂ Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With what little time I have I would normally be living over in F&G. Sadly though, I've had something jolt my life and I've been isolating for the last 12 days because of it. My brother committed suicide.

Finding myself very short with others lately so I do not know how much responding Iíll be doing. I am though searching for any suggestions on how to work my way through this shit should have anyone else been here. Thanks,


Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No suggestions, but I'm so sorry for your loss.

((Time))


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7405 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry. Take care of yourself and if you need to find support through your grief.

Posts: 868 | Registered: Jul 2012
sad12008
♀ Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((time2grow))). I'm so very sorry. I know it's a uniquely awful kind of loss. I think one of the events that most profoundly impacted my life was the suicide of a very fun "honorary uncle" when I was a child. It seemed to be a grieving cycle of sadness, anger, guilt, again & again.

I hope someone comes along whose situation more closely parallels yours and is more contemporary; however, I'd recommend IC if it's possible. Sometimes there are support groups for survivors of suicide...your local paper may have a listing of support groups (ours does once a week). Check here, too: https://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide-loss/find-support/find-a-support-group

Journaling and/or writing letters to your brother may be cathartic.

Just know you're not alone and also that a determined person will find a way, so if you have any feelings of guilt, try to let them go.

Wishing you peace in this time of tumult and grief.


"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment

Posts: 3853 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((time)))

I am so sorry for your loss. Keeping you in my thoughts.


Posts: 33671 | Registered: Mar 2011
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((time2grow)))
I lost a BIL that way. It is so senseless. It devastated the entire family. He had children.

I'm so sorry for your loss.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15081 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
movingforward777
♀ Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((time2grow)) I'm so sorry for your loss. It is overwhelming and hard to try and understand why...unfortunately most times we don't know the answer to that question.
At this point I'm sure your family is reeling and trying to sort a lot of things out. Take your time, cry, share stories and remember him with the people that knew and loved him.
It may be a bit early for a grief support group, but perhaps in a while you could look into a peer driven support group. They usually have someone who facilitates it, but the bulk of the conversation comes from the participants of the group. They are usually a group of people who have suffered a loss through death, maybe even a suicide survivors group.
Suicide can be a tough one to understand. Unless there was a long standing history of mental illness or previous attempts it usually catches us off guard and is devestating for a while. Give yourself time to grieve. Perhaps start a journal. It can be as simple as writing down memories of your brother, but can also include the things you are feeling/experiencing since his death. It is a private, safe place to "unload" those feelings and unless you choose to share it with someone only yours to see. It helps to "get it out"...Perhaps a counselor would be of help to you...if there is someone you have built a relationship with in the past that you feel comfortable talking to....it helps if they have some "grief support" experience.
At this time just go with the flow and give yourself a break.....HUGS


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4815 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((time))) I'm so sorry.

Posts: 11376 | Registered: Mar 2008
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((time2grow))) I'm so sorry. What a devastating loss.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7778 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry.

I cannot begin to imagine the mix of emotions and pain you are feeling.

Please take care of yourself.


ďAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossomĒ
AnaÔs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3755 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, honey. I'm so very sorry. (((((time2grow))))) Do you have someone you can talk with IRL? A therapist or a trusted friend? I understand the self-isolation. It's something I tend toward in times of great stress, too. I worry that given the enormity of your loss, it might be tempting to keep the world at bay.

You reaching out here is good. We're here for you in whatever way you need us to be.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24352 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I second your finding a Survivors of Suicide group. You could try your local 211.org (it may still be known as Information & Referral Services in your area). They should have a listing if there is one nearby. A good friend of mine runs such a group in Tucson, AZ. She's helped a lot of people.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19764 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no, I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you for any reason.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2605 | Registered: Jan 2010
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry for your loss. ((T2G))


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for your loss (((time2grow)))


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1139 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi time2grow. I have already sent you a pm.

I'm very sorry for your loss. My brother also committed suicide. Almost 20 years ago. It was the day after my 21st birthday. Still remember it like it was yesterday. My brother was a very kind, gentle soul. There were many reasons why my brother killed himself. He had excessively bad allergies and asthma which prevented him from doing many things, he suffered abuse from my mother, obviously he was depressed, and a controversial incident happened at school which pushed him over the edge. He was 17 and had it with life. Due to the controversial incident at school, we got to watch it all unfold in the local media (1994 no internet thank God). We had NBC, ABC, and CBS news looking for our story but we never gave it to them. My life has never been the same.

If you feel up to it, and absolutely don't feel you have to, no pressure here, let us know the type of person your brother was. Sometimes it helps to talk about it so we don't end up isolating ourselves so much. Isolating ourselves is a natural reaction to such a traumatic event. However, in isolating ourselves, we end up downward spiraling ourselves.

At one point, roughly 6 weeks after my brother's suicide, I found myself sitting on my bedroom floor. I ended up in a very dark place myself. Some of that came from isolating myself. I previously had been suicidal myself and now, to this day, was left with a tremendous amount of survivors guilt that I still have yet to deal with. It's something I'm absolutely terrified to face. While sitting on my bedroom floor I made the conscious decision that I was going to be alright. I was surrounded by drugs and had easy access to anything I wanted. I thought to myself, I could go that route, or I could be ok. I choose the later. I actually said out loud "I'm going to be ok." I want you to say it too. Out loud.

"I'm going to be ok".

It may help. Even if just for a second.

I will be thinking of you. I'm leaving for vacation with the family today but I will most certainly be around if you want to chat.

I'm very truly sorry for your loss.

yop

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 5:45 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

was left with a tremendous amount of survivors guilt that I still have yet to deal with.
That is horrible to deal with, and the guilt that comes from feeling that we could have/should have done something to stop it. Don't fall into that trap, because there is nothing you could have done - when someone is ready to commit suicide, they are going to do it and there is nothing that we could have done. I hope you aren't dealing with that but I know my other BIL and his family were all feeling that it was their fault and they should have seen it coming (they couldn't have).

Also, the anger can be scary. Can you find a counselor to help you deal with the emotions from this?


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15081 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((time2grow)))))

I am so very sorry for your loss. Know that we are here to lend an ear and provide support. You and your family are in my thoughts.


Posts: 6102 | Registered: Dec 2010
Kodi
♀ Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((time2grow)))

Posts: 1344 | Registered: Sep 2007
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, (((t2g))) I am so very sorry. The loss of a brother is like none other. I am so, so sorry for your pain. And for his. Much love to you and those who love him.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8294 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
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