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User Topic: Well Crap.
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((t2g))) I'm so sorry.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((t2g)))

Be kind to yourself. Grieve.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for your loss.

(((time2grow)))


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you doing time2grow?

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 3:31 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2154 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
cass
♀ Member
Member # 24261
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So very sorry for your loss.

(((time)))


DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)

Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!


Posts: 4965 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
latebloomer45
♀ Member
Member # 18021
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my cousins committed suicide this past Mother's Day. So I know a tiny bit how you feel.

Have no words of wisdom not already expressed. Just a cyber hug.


Me: BS 52
Him: FWS 54
Married 28 years
Son-22 Daughter-19,
D-Day #1 12/11/2007
D-Day #2 5/23/2008 fucking trickle truth!
Whatever Threnody said, I concur.


Posts: 2093 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Chicago suburbs
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I hope you're OK, time2grow.

Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
time2grow
♂ Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sad12008 - I looked at the site, thank-you.

movingforward777 -

history of mental illness?
Not with him or his family. With my own biological family, boat load of it and I burnt those bridges many years back. I was the foster kid. When he and I went threw our divorces together 5-6 years ago we became best of friends and have been since. (or I thought)

nowiknow23 -

Do you have someone you can talk with IRL?
Not for this.

yearsofpain25 -

let us know the type of person your brother was.
Our last 15 years were identical in so many ways. Great paying jobs. Positions were eliminated about the same time. Divorced together but for different reasons. He had a college degree, Iím still working on mine. We both left the Great Lakes and came to Joplin to help clean up after the tornado. He moved two hours south and I stayed. Both of us still volunteered our time to helping others no matter where we were. Now that I read this, it is a list of accomplishments and not who he was. Fuck . . . Iím avoiding. . . . This is going to take some time.

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
cinnamongurl
♀ Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No words t2g! I am so very sorry for your loss!


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos



Posts: 508 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, June 25th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be kind to yourself time2grow. This is a whole new type of pain that's near impossible to work through sometimes. And accomplishments can say a lot about someone's character. You've painted a good picture. Sounds like he was intelligent, kind, caring, and very giving. Those characteristics make him a very special person.

I'm also originally from the "original mistake on the lake". I swear there is something in the water there.

Seems like I've had a number if discussions regarding suicide around here lately. A lot of deep pain going around. Sounds like your brother falls into the type where it wasn't a cry for help. Please know that it's not your fault and there's nothing you could have done. I know, easier said than done. I should really take my own advice sometime. But it's true. If it was a cry for help he would still be here right now.

Try talking to someone IRL or in a support group if you can. You can always continue to keep posting here to vent and let us know how you're doing. I'm always around if you need to too. Honestly I'm a little worried that you may be isolating yourself and don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want you to end up where I am not being able to deal 20 years later.

I'll check back again later. Let us know how you are doing. Thinking of you.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2154 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry.

(((t2g)))


If life is just a series of ridiculous attempts to be alive, you're a hero. - J. Winger

Posts: 17556 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((t2g))))

There aren't any words...

Emotional pain is unlike any other. The things that cause it are horrible and unfair and in many ways unimaginable unless you have "been there, done that." I am sorry you are in such pain now. And trying to imagine his pain that led to such a decision.

Be kind to yourself, please. Remember the stages of grief. And when you are ready, you'll get back to F&G.

you have my deepest sympathy.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5842 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
movingforward777
♀ Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck . . . Iím avoiding. . . . This is going to take some time.

You couldn't speak words with more truth to them...it is going to take some time. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. It will come and go and catch you off guard, but every one of us does it a little differently. There is no "right" way unless you are allowing it to stop your own life from happening.

Your brother sounds like an intelligent, caring person who for some reason (that you will probably never really know) chose to end his life. As harsh as that sounds it is the reality of it. HE made this choice and carried through. It does leave everyone else wondering "why didn't I see it coming?" but HE didn't want you to.

Take care of yourself...eat, sleep, avoid alcohol/drugs to compensate, and when you are ready find someone with some experience in suicide to talk to. Most general counselors are great for general things, but suicide needs someone who has some experience dealing with the survivors.
Keep coming back to your SI "family"...there are so many caring, loving people here who have a wealth of experience in many things...it is a good place to "unload" and gain some support....HUGS


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4841 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
time2grow
♂ Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

movingforward777 -
Take care of yourself...eat, sleep, avoid alcohol/drugs to compensate
As I mentioned in a forgoing post, ďI was the foster kid.Ē Alcohol destroyed my biological home. After my young, dumb and I donít give a crap teen years I realized I was heading down the same path as them. I made the decision to not have any drugs or alcohol in my life. It is not an option for me today. There are times when life sucks, this being one, but I enjoy having clear thoughts. I donít always like or want my feelings but they are mine and I own them, not run from them (Iíve been running lately and Iíve had enough).

counselors
I mean no offence to any that are here but Iím lmao. They have this thing of meeting others where they are at. I know where Iím at, what I want is to think, be challenged and grow. I want a little sandpaper in my life. Meeting me where Iím at is a waste of my time.

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((t2g))

its going to take time. of course you're avoiding...you can only process so much at once.

i'm so terribly sorry for your loss.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

ďMany of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.Ē -foulton oursler


Posts: 8452 | Registered: Apr 2008
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you doing t2g? Still thinking about you...


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2154 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
time2grow
♂ Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yearsofpain25 -
How are you doing t2g?
Today is one of those days where I canít help but feel I am surrounded by blooming idiots. Many have suggested to me that I would benifit talking to someone who has been in the same situation as myself. So just to get people off my back I started looking and making calls. Online, f2f, etc.

I finally got directed to an organization in town that is to have a suicide survivors support group. I called and the office manager answered. I said my name, my brother took his life 3 weeks ago and I am looking for a suicide survivors support group. She responded, ďI am the office manager. I can answer your questions.Ē I said no, I want to talk to someone who has experienced the same thing. She was starting up again with being the OM so I hung up the phone. Not even 20 minutes later I am getting phone calls, 2 of them, from the local police department wanting to know if I intend to kill myself.

The old battle axe heard what she wanted to and NOT what I said. I never said that, I never eluded to it. I am surrounded by blooming idiots.


Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yikes t2g. Sounds like the OM was probably just following protocol and giving canned responses. But there lies the problem right? A canned response.

Very sorry. I have never called one of those numbers myself so not sure what to expect from them. But I am happy to see you reach out. Any thoughts about reaching out again? I know you said counselors didn't work out for you, but surely something should.

Our environments may be different, but I have been in your situation as far as your brother committing suicide. I'm worried about you isolating yourself. I certainly tried to do that but I had a friend who came from a rough background himself and wouldn't let retreat. Do you have any friends IRL that could at least get you out?

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2154 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very sorry.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6772 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
FindMyselfAgain
♀ Member
Member # 36969
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(t2g)

My heart goes out to you. I can relate on some level to the pain, confusion, fear, guilt, etc. that must be hitting you.

My suicide experience was my best friend. I was 15 years old. All these emotions plagued me for years. I never properly grieved...until very recently. I am still grieving her loss. But for over 20...yes, TWENTY, years....I isolated myself, I convinced myself I was unworthy of friendship...after all, my best friend killed herself; I was obviously not a very good friend.

The only real advice I can offer (as I am still figuring out my own grieving process) is this: Find a way that feels right to you to honor the bond you shared with him. Share (in whatever fashion suits you) who he was as a person, what he taught you about yourself, ways that you supported and loved one another...pick what's important to you to remember. And honor him as you see fit. Allow yourself to feel everything that you feel. And as you sit with those feelings see if there are some you need to let go of. Find ways to release them. And hold tightly to the ones that bring you peace.

I'm going to bump a post I made as part of my honoring/grieving process. To give an example of a way I found some peace...though I will warn you, it's pretty raw, the feelings are real, and as you are well aware this process is painful.

(t2g) Reaching out here was a good step. Opening up is so hard. You are doing fine. Keep going. We're here.


DDay: October 7, 2011
R finally started in earnest: April 2014

Posts: 194 | Registered: Sep 2012
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