Husband and I started MC today.. while the psychologist was nice, pro-marriage, a good listener, and seemed to be well experienced as a counselor... I'm am dubious about his experience in terms of marriage counseling..
I had a few concerns:
- he has dealt with relationships, but marriages with families and affairs is not his area of expertise
- he had not heard of either How to Help Your Spouse Heal or NOT Just friends. He didn't have any works to reference to read except Gottman's research.
- he uses imago as his approach to couple counseling, which I thought sounded good for like individual counseling or even some of marriage counseling... but it didn't really sound like an approach that is meant as the main/only approach for affairs. Maybe I misunderstood.
- he told me that he doesn't feel it is useful for the hurt spouse to cycle through asking questions about the affair and my attention should instead turn to focusing on my feelings and developing communication. This seemed to go against what I have read and so far have felt to be true that working through the details is a way of understanding it, working through it, coping, and allowing to move on and be able to focus on emotions, processing it, communication, and larger marital issues
We get free counseling through my insurance, but most of the counselors are aimed at identity, work/stress, depression, alcoholism, sexuality. There are only two that deal with marriages, and neither seems to be actually experienced in affairs/family counseling but moreso just that they did some extra training so that they could take on the marriage cases.
My husband and I have agreed to stick with him and then reassess if his approach is helping, but I'm feeling a bit dubious. Am I overreacting considering this was day 1?