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Newest Member: formerlyjoyful (44597)

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User Topic: Ask the womenz.....
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The floor is yours, gents. Have at it.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1230 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Groan, really BBT


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4706 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regarding your boat, unless you are abnormally large or abnormally small (in which case we will get creative), it's the motion of the ocean guys!

Now, anything else?


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 1645 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^ Agreed!

Enthusiasm, attentiveness, being in the moment, not comparing us to another chick, unselfishness > size.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus. Be mindful, compassionate, and responsible… Something valuable I learned on SI. :)

Posts: 3900 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok...

Been looking for an honest answer for a while.

W says she is PERFECTLY okay not orgasming during a sexual encounter as long as I make it otherwise enjoyable. Further she says she CANNOT O via PIV. Ever.

Both seem fishy to me.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say she is probably being honest on the first one.

On the second one, has this always been the case for her, even before you? Or were you guys each others firsts?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4706 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MindMonkey,

Both of those are true for me.


Me: WS, 30s
XH: BS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciled after divorce

"Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible." - Hunter Hayes, "Invisible"


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would fully agree with her Monkey.

We don't get "blue balls." And my ex and I had NUMEROUS encounters where only he got pleasure, and it never bothered me, and I never went looking anywhere else for it. I can "do me" better than anyone else.. But, I'm working on this one, because he was far more selfish in bed than any wife should have to put up with..

And I'm in the population that *cannot* orgasm from PIV only. There has to be friction in the area just north to get me to O..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2060 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
TheIrishGirl
♀ Member
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sex without O: still a good time.


Me: 31, BW Him: 38, WH
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email

Posts: 345 | Registered: May 2014
MissMovingOn
♀ Member
Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been looking for an honest answer for a while.

W says she is PERFECTLY okay not orgasming during a sexual encounter as long as I make it otherwise enjoyable. Further she says she CANNOT O via PIV. Ever.

Both seem fishy to me.

IME, regarding the first point I totally agree with her. I'm fine if I don't O as long as the overall experience is pleasant. I'd rather O, but I'm okay with not.

I can't relate on the second point, but I do know that this is VERY common. There are a lot of women who can't O at all, let alone O from PIV alone.


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!

Posts: 367 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uh, I prefer to O when we have sex. Call me selfish.

As for PIV, many women cannot, and I can't always, or even usually. But sometimes things line up just right. It's generally about arousal level and angles.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6347 | Registered: Jan 2011
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or were you guys each others firsts?

Yes.

But I wasn't her only. OM didn't bring her to O either, but they sucked. And I'm told they have small "boats" and calm seas.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's ok if I don't orgasm every time. But it depends. If we have had sex without me cumming, and the next time we do anything sexual it's me giving him a bj, then, yeah, the next time we have sex I want an orgasm. But, sometimes I am fine with having sex without the big O...as long as it doesn't become a habit.

I agree on the PIV. Many,many, many women can't O that way.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7257 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then it is probably her. And she is being honest.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4706 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never had an O from PIV sex. I need clitoral stimulation. Sex still feels good though.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 98 | Registered: May 2014
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One more in agreement -

W says she is PERFECTLY okay not orgasming during a sexual encounter as long as I make it otherwise enjoyable. Further she says she CANNOT O via PIV. Ever.

I'm fine as long as the experience is pleasurable - no O "needed". Just make me feel sexy, wanted and gorgeous.

I've been with more then a "few" men before WH and NEVER O'd with only PIV. Need additional stimulation

One of the hardest things to work through is that OW did. Makes me feel defective in some way


BS - mid 50's
WH - mid 50's
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2year+ "passionate" EA/PA

Married 30+ years and here I am. Heartbroken.
4/14 Trying to make it thru each day
8/14 - I may be done, we will see


Posts: 209 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
SoCo
♀ Member
Member # 33907
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, as too your wife MM....

I would believe her when she says she finds enjoyment even without a big O ending. I would imagine she enjoys the closeness, the sharing. Pleasing you figures in there too!

Secondly, if she has never reached O via PIV, there could be medical/phyiscal or even emotional issues to be addressed there? Talk with her about it, decide if it is important enough to you both to explore that further?

If she is open too them.... There are lots of magic potions/lotions and gels oh my!!! That can increase the stimulation of PIV.

I do believe it is the same with women as it is with with men? We all enjoy a happy ending!

Zero= enjoyable

One= more enjoyable

Two= oh hell yeah now we're talkin

You get the point? It is about personal preference. It is about the two of you.

just my two cents.


BS (me)
WS (him)
DDay. Jan. 2010
AKA Whydidyou (long story)

Posts: 310 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South Carolina
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

W says she is PERFECTLY okay not orgasming during a sexual encounter as long as I make it otherwise enjoyable. Further she says she CANNOT O via PIV. Ever.

I'm just adding one more "me too" to this one...

ETA:

One of the hardest things to work through is that OW did. Makes me feel defective in some way

I've seen some studies that link this to the distance between the clitoris to the vaginal opening -- that means that for some women PIV actaully, DOES provide "extra" stimulation -- so don't feel defective - I think that a lot of women are in the same boat.

[This message edited by brokeninfl at 1:12 PM, June 26th (Thursday)]


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, atom bomb time. Maybe

How many women use toys with sex to get off reliably?

How old when you started with toys?

Did S O introduce toy into relationship?

if not, when did you let SO know about BOB and you having a relationship?


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
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