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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need help, helping kids cope
kamster
♂ New Member
Member # 41979
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Married 23yrs. DD Christmas night 2013. WS been on the fence for six months. Works with OP. Served me the killer blow last night. Does not wish to R, wants OP.
Three kids. 14 yr daughter who knows something is going on. 10 yr old boy girl twins, totally unaware.
I am heartbroken for this situation and for what my kids are about to face.
Any advice on the child perspective and how best to help them would be greatly appreciated.


What doesn't kill you. Feels like its killing you.
Me BS.Husband. D-day Christmas night 2013.
WS 3 mth or more physical affair. Over 1yr emotional affair
OP Long time work friend and work mentor.
23yr marriage that turned stale in the past co

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Kamster)))

I'm so sorry you're here. It is such a devastating blow.

My kids are a bit older than yours. I told them the truth. Oldest (19) said she was getting ready to ask if there was an A. They had no clue.

It's been hard. They've all taken it differently. Two are in counseling. The other one went briefly and was determined to be handling everything really well.

Someone will be along with kids closer in age to yours with more pertinent advice, I'm sure.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a 14 and an 11 also.

They were 8 and 11 on dday.

I have been the constant for the kids- the Doosh left and I stayed. They know that I will answer questions honestly. I will tell them age appropriate information. They can count on that from me.

I also let them know ALL the time that I can take care of us, and we are going to be fine. They don't need to worry about where we will live, school, food, safety, etc. those were the major concerns my kids had.

I spent a lot of time sad, and let them see that I was sad. The were sad too. But also made sure we had fun together making new things happen.

All of my kids know the truth now about the affair.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DD17 knows most of it. There was no getting around it because her counselor and I had to ask her if Dipshit had ever been 'inappropriate' with her.

DS12 Didn't really want to talk about it at all, so I just gave him the "When people get married they make promises to each other. Daddy/Mommy broke those promises and thinks we'll be happier apart." I suspect he has heard most of the story from DD17. Someday I'll have to sit him down for a serious talk. But until then, he just seems to be going with the flow.

DS8 wasn't even sure what a D was. He got the same speech as DS12. He was really worried about practical things like "Who will teach me how to use a printer?" At his age he just wants things the way they always have been, but he is adjusting. DS8 is much more likely to ask questions and bring things up out of the blue. I just answer him the best I can and reassure him that I love him and that will never change.

I firmly believe that kids know when something is wrong. If you do not give them the truth, or an age appropriate version of it, they will imagine it's something even worse.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1764 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Topic Posts: 4

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