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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 21
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTH:

Congrats man. Start of a new and better Life.

Fried catfish, that I get..


Me: BH (43) Her WW 41

R'ing going,going..gone!!
Divorcing!

She no more will have that power over me. I can make, and will make, my own happiness. We we're a good team at one point, but I am great as an individual!!


Posts: 218 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTH,

Wow, congratulations.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2822 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Mercilesslynuked
♂ Member
Member # 42997
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To celebrate my 100th post... a little humor to brighten your day.

How your wayward feels anytime you bring up the affair:


Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.

D-day 1/6/2014-1/23/2014


Posts: 152 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Colorado
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats WTH!
I've always tasted grits as kinda bland - that's why pepperin them all up helps.
You could try hominy AKA "pre-grits" in a salad.
Gives it a nice filling texture (and doesn't "jump" any salad dressing's taste that I'm aware of).

Posts: 6572 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations to you too nuked!
That's pretty funny man...
*sigh*

Posts: 6572 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Placated with sex carries advantages and disadvantages. Its better than no sex but feels manipulative, which I resent.
I've been trying to bury my head in the sand for some weeks. Just too much bleh. I'm taking massive doses of AD medicines. I guess its time to open the can of worms again and move onto the next person in the list of crap she did. Sigh


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 543 | Registered: Jan 2014
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got placated with sex a lot during my wife's A. She used sex to throw me off, obviously. I mean, why would a woman who's into her husband be cheating, right?

I'd rather we have honest sex, where both of us are 100% invested physically and emotionally.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1380 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
FrmrBH80124
♂ Member
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTH congrats!!!

MN that's so damn funny!

I'd rather we have honest sex, where both of us are 100% invested physically and emotionally

^^^^^^^^^^x1000 couldn't have said better if I tried.


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 163 | Registered: Apr 2014
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I now have a license to kill.


Fish. In Florida.

I'm going to put it to use this weekend.
D is final Friday. I'll be drinking on a boat. DDay + 1 year is Sunday. See above. It's been a rough week. Lots of reliving the past year. Lots of thinking about the future. Damn it's exhausting.

Hey it's 5:00. Cheers Gentlemen.



Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you found a good way to put an end to a tough week, Sunsets. Hell, a tough year, to say the least! Cheers, and peace to you, man. Can't beat being out on a boat.

Posts: 7038 | Registered: Dec 2010
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took the day off and killed a few fish myself. Six good sized (for being stocked in a man made lake on a mountain in Southern Arizona) rainbow trout. They're my Mom's favorite so I gave them to her to have for dinner.

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ license to kill.
I used to love night pier fishin down in Lauderdale.
Very peaceful.
Enjoy the peace brother. I'm happy for you.

Posts: 6572 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Lostfer, h0pe and jj. I'm really excited. I haven't wet a line in years. Too many years. I'll probably get sea sick. I used to go to the Atlantic and catch sand fleas, toss em with my 9 foot rod and a shark weight. Got a couple 12" yellows one time. Gave them to some tourists watching from a balcony. I'll post a picture when I land something worth posting.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it isn't the quality of the grits here. My wife grew up down there cooking that stuff, and at least one of our kids, Jersey born and bred, likes it, so it's just got to be an acquired taste.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7444 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grits are easy. Little butter. Little hot sauce. Easy. I like em lumpy.

ETA: lumps are little cans of Budweiser.

[This message edited by sunsetslost at 9:13 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question for y'all:

If/when you worked with an IC to deal with your affair-related anger, did your IC want to work through your personal history? 'Cuz that's what mine wants to do, and I keep wanting to bring it back to the affair.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I was thinking, and I'd like to stir things up just a bit, get a consensus maybe for other readers, and probe the great depth of experience here.

I post on JFO occasionally, and I stick to the SI bible, and I think the right thing to say, generically, is, its not your fault.
I think that helps to balance the idea that it's ALL our fault into something more realistic. That's in JFO.

My real view is a bit more nuanced. The reasoning that WW should have done the honorable thing and either discussed the M issues or file D before having an affair almost never happens, at least in my experience. My best guess is that it's human nature to test the waters first, especially when WW loses hope that they can be happy in the M.

So WW do a 'job shadow' first with AP, to see if there is something out there that's better than what they've got. It's not an exit affair per se, and many, in fact, don't exit. And it isn't completely fair to say that in the same marriage we didn't stray because our needs could have been met. It isn't equal and opposite reactions like in physics. I, for example, was happy. We all like to believe we would behave differently if we were unhappy, but sometimes it's hard to know until you are there.
Just like everyone says they would D if W had an affair, but when it happens, well it's different. We haven't really walked in WWs shoes, and can't.

And if BS is morbidly obese, beats his wife or is a raging alcoholic, the idea that he isn't at fault too is absurd. We don't ask those questions because we don't want to go down the road of anything other than its not your fault. It is quite possible that we did things to create the risk that WW, after all an imperfect human being, like us, would stray. I think we have to honestly look at that part, rather than close our minds repeating its not my fault it's not my fault it's not my fault...except in JFO, until the dust clears.

[This message edited by Nitrobob at 9:34 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell — 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 132 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And if BS is morbidly obese, beats his wife or is a raging alcoholic, the idea that he isn't at fault too is absurd.
If you mean that by exhibiting those behaviors, the BS is responsible for even .00001% of the affair, I'm going to say that you're dead wrong, Bob.

He owns his bad choices....all of them. If he exhibits those behaviors, the WW could have left the marriage anytime she wanted. There are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS other doors.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is quite possible that we did things to create the risk that WW, after all an imperfect human being, like us, would stray.
So, a question then, using your logic: Does that mean that after the initial beating of a man on his wife...that after enough time passes she should examine all the ways that she 'created the risk' of domestic violence?


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well no, I'd have to draw the line at committing a felony. But I get your point.

Do you think, all of us, 40,000 strong here, are all innocent victims? Maybe.

I'm intentionally trying to stimulate discussion here, so please don't be angry at the questioner!

[This message edited by Nitrobob at 10:31 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell — 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 132 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
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