Congrats man. Start of a new and better Life.
Fried catfish, that I get..
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind
How your wayward feels anytime you bring up the affair:
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys
I'd rather we have honest sex, where both of us are 100% invested physically and emotionally.
MN that's so damn funny!
I'd rather we have honest sex, where both of us are 100% invested physically and emotionally
^^^^^^^^^^x1000 couldn't have said better if I tried.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are
Fish. In Florida.
I'm going to put it to use this weekend.
D is final Friday. I'll be drinking on a boat. DDay + 1 year is Sunday. See above. It's been a rough week. Lots of reliving the past year. Lots of thinking about the future. Damn it's exhausting.
Hey it's 5:00. Cheers Gentlemen.
ETA: lumps are little cans of Budweiser.
[This message edited by sunsetslost at 9:13 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]
If/when you worked with an IC to deal with your affair-related anger, did your IC want to work through your personal history? 'Cuz that's what mine wants to do, and I keep wanting to bring it back to the affair.
I post on JFO occasionally, and I stick to the SI bible, and I think the right thing to say, generically, is, its not your fault.
I think that helps to balance the idea that it's ALL our fault into something more realistic. That's in JFO.
My real view is a bit more nuanced. The reasoning that WW should have done the honorable thing and either discussed the M issues or file D before having an affair almost never happens, at least in my experience. My best guess is that it's human nature to test the waters first, especially when WW loses hope that they can be happy in the M.
So WW do a 'job shadow' first with AP, to see if there is something out there that's better than what they've got. It's not an exit affair per se, and many, in fact, don't exit. And it isn't completely fair to say that in the same marriage we didn't stray because our needs could have been met. It isn't equal and opposite reactions like in physics. I, for example, was happy. We all like to believe we would behave differently if we were unhappy, but sometimes it's hard to know until you are there.
Just like everyone says they would D if W had an affair, but when it happens, well it's different. We haven't really walked in WWs shoes, and can't.
And if BS is morbidly obese, beats his wife or is a raging alcoholic, the idea that he isn't at fault too is absurd. We don't ask those questions because we don't want to go down the road of anything other than its not your fault. It is quite possible that we did things to create the risk that WW, after all an imperfect human being, like us, would stray. I think we have to honestly look at that part, rather than close our minds repeating its not my fault it's not my fault it's not my fault...except in JFO, until the dust clears.
[This message edited by Nitrobob at 9:34 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]
James Russell Lowell 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'
And if BS is morbidly obese, beats his wife or is a raging alcoholic, the idea that he isn't at fault too is absurd.
He owns his bad choices....all of them. If he exhibits those behaviors, the WW could have left the marriage anytime she wanted. There are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS other doors.
It is quite possible that we did things to create the risk that WW, after all an imperfect human being, like us, would stray.
Do you think, all of us, 40,000 strong here, are all innocent victims? Maybe.
I'm intentionally trying to stimulate discussion here, so please don't be angry at the questioner!
[This message edited by Nitrobob at 10:31 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]