grits, catfish, and gator tail.
is there no end to the sacrilege on this thread?
Don't they have farm animals in Florida? Where's the pork ribs? Where's the rib-eye? Very disappointing indeed Sal.
And speaking of disappointing, whats this stuff about bacon not being good enough currency to use as payoff for bad wayward behavior. Didn't want to say anything but I don't care if it pan fried or microwaved. She can passive-agressive me all day as long as I'm getting bacon at the end of it; I'm good. I mean, com'mon its bacon. It's like meat manna!
[This message edited by DefiledRage at 11:11 AM, July 11th (Friday)]
Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."
There is so much in your post I could quote as well, but this really stuck out to me.
She harbors a lot of toxic shame. I really think our D is her thinking she will be happy alone...
I have mentioned before she has an undiagnosed physical issues. Basically she gets tired and can't do much of anything for extended periods of time (months to years). She was basically bragging a few weeks ago about how great she was feeling the last month since I was not at home anymore. Less than a week later she started having problems again. It must really suck getting hit/run over by the karma bus. Looks like another one of her issues that's not my fault. Though I'm guessing she's trying to figure out a way to blame it on me anyway.
It appears you may have it easier on the divorce front. Since my STBXWW was a SAHM and we still have under age children it looks like I'm going to be paying over half my income to her. I will also likely get stuck paying CS until the kids are 21 even though I have already put aside $200k for their collage education, etc. Having to double pay will really piss me off so I'm hoping reasonableness will prevail. We'll see how the division of assets goes. I'm expecting it will be okay in the beginning, but once she figures out what her life post divorce is going to look like she's going to push for more than a fair share because she doesn't want to have consequences. She wants to live in unicorn and rainbow land.
Between all the emotional and financial bombs I've had to deal with over the last few years I'm getting a bit shell shocked from it all. I'm really looking forward to so normalcy in my future.
when you guys reference "D-Day 2" are you referring discovery of a subsequent affair, a resumption of the affair with AP 1, or TT?
I think generally it is a resumption. That's my case - DDay #2 was discovery of the resumption (or continuance, more accurately) of the original EA. PA was not resumed to my knowledge.
The reasoning that WW should have done the honorable thing and either discussed the M issues or file D before having an affair almost never happens, at least in my experience. My best guess is that it's human nature to test the waters first, especially when WW loses hope that they can be happy in the M.
I think the real issue is the fact that for our WW cheating was a option that was considered. It was there on the table next to counseling and divorce.
^^^ I like these two quotes put together.
Me, too, MC. I have written a lot of journal entries during this ordeal regarding honor (as well as having some discussions with my friends about the subject). Very aprospos that I have also been reading the excellent series on manly honor at Art of Manliness (http://www.artofmanliness.com/2012/10/01/manly-honor-part-i-what-is-honor/ - highly recommended reading).
There's no honor in sacrificing your vows when shit gets bad; that's the "or worse" part of them. And there is no honor in knowingly engaging in an A, EA or PA, with another's spouse. OM is a cowardly POS, and WW is, too. The only difference there is the fact that we don't really care about OM, but we potentially want R with WW, so forgiveness is an option.
By the way, while in Florida I had a delicious basket of fried gator tail
Delicious! One thing I miss about not being in the South anymore. And definitely with a beer. Or a mint julep... :)
February-ish 2014: Beginning of EA
March-ish 2014: EA morphed into PA
April 16, 2014: DDay
July 7, 2014: 2nd DDay of continued EA (no PA)
Currently: on the roller coaster, headed for R
Just to be clear, when you guys reference "D-Day 2" are you referring discovery of a subsequent affair, a resumption of the affair with AP 1, or TT?
Catfish as a delicacy? Why not just eat a plate of mud and sludge.
I think the more important question for you to find an answer to is can you get to the point of filing it away as a life experience; an artifact of your life; that while not forgotten, doesn't keep you from experiencing the joy and fulfillment that can still exist for you. With your kids; your career; your friends; your hobbies. And if your WW does things correctly and well towards R -- with her and your marriage also. Turning all of the pain and devastation into just another artifact should be your goal. It can happen. And when you get there you will find that happiness will start to return. The truth? No, I haven't forgotten and yes some days something will happen or be said or I will read that brings the memories crashing back for a bit. But it goes away and I have a lot of fulfillment with career and kids and friends and I have great times with my W.
My STBXWW has a huge shame issue as well and I think that is one of the primary reasons she cannot show empathy or remorse regarding her affair since doing that would be admitting exactly how devastating it was.
[This message edited by WearingTheHorns at 2:38 PM, July 11th (Friday)]
"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony
2 Cor 12:9-10
Proof bacon fixes everything:
Nice first AND second posts. However, Mint Julep?
Damn, Guys. Great insights throughout the last couple of pages. I'm not even going to try to add to the conversation but I will offer you all a beer on StrongBeard. Welcome brother, noobs got first round.
Nice first AND second posts. However, Mint Julep?
I just so happen to have several homebrews on tap at any given time, so I'll gladly take the first round. :) And the Julep is a Southern classic! Pretty damned refreshing for what is essentially a glass of iced bourbon.
DR: I bet you could find some farm-raised gator tail. How's that for a farm animal? :)
I just so happen to have several homebrews on tap at any given time
Hello and welcome, StrongBeard! Got my attention pretty quick.
What styles do you like to brew?
Home brewing is a passion of mine that I haven't practiced in awhile, and haven't talked about too much here. I was just out mowing my yard, and noticed my Cascade bines are going nuts this year. I think I will have to make some sort of fresh hop ale.
Really glad you found us, despite the circumstances that got you here.
I bet you could find some farm-raised gator tail. How's that for a farm animal?
Sold, pass the gator tail!
Sadly, she has never accepted that her happiness is within her, and that is what must be changed. Not her address, not her job, not her marital status.
Looks like Koda approves of this one!
My tasting notes:
Single Barrel B-14
Color: Just look at it. It's beautiful.
Nose: Very crisp on the nose. Creamy vanilla and warm molasses. Notes of oak, toffee, hint of green apple.
Palate: Soft, warming and supple.
Finish: Medium length. Notes of sweet vanilla, warm spices, toffee, honey and changes over to pear on the back end.
Overall: Absolutely lovely. A warm summer night in a glass. Has "sessionability" all over it.
Here's to the weekend gents. Slainte!
I'll trade you for a dram of that Jefferson's, maybe for tomorrow night.
That is all.