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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 21
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I did all I could and she still chose to leave me... Now there ain't nothing for me to do."

For those of us who tried to R we've all given *IT* (marriage) or HER our all. I've noticed though that rarely have I given ME all I could.

Look at it this way jjct, now's your opportunity to give YOU all you can.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 8:47 AM, July 18th (Friday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Friday morning gents.

I'm on an upswing following a bad couple of days. I was REALLY close to giving up on R. Had letter written and everything. Now I'm looking forward to getting some naked time this evening.

Funny how the rollercoaster works, eh? I've got LONG list of the things that make it go down. But what makes it bottom out and start on the upswing? I'd like that recipe. Keep it in a vile on my person at all times.

Maybe I should just start wearing a watch because the only thing that I can think of is time.

I've also noticed after a few days of no sex it starts to become an urgent need and I have to cheer up to do the whole mating ritual thing. I can imagine doing it while angry but not while sad. That's just, well...sad.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
Sproket
♂ Member
Member # 41262
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Friday gents


ME:BS 40
W: WW 40
M: Oct 2009
D.D Nov 2, 2013

Posts: 80 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: VA
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to hear that you are on an upswing, MM! I could never predict when the upswings would happen on the roller coaster, but always enjoyed it when it happened.

LS - The torii gate project sounds cool. We have a big one downtown to match our "sister city" in Japan. I've enjoyed looking at it ever since I was a little kid.


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Dec 2010
nomoreplease
♂ Member
Member # 32755
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You deserve happiness and joy and love and you even deserve to share that with someone who is capable of sharing that with you. Fuck, we all do. Go out and find that for yourself.
My D has been final for a little over a year, and Iíve been S for 20+ months, now. Iím far into finding happiness, joy, and love for myself, but my problem is now that Iím starting to date and get half way serious with someone Iím starting to feel like I am no longer capable of sharing those with someone else (at least not the love portion).


Divorced...and moving on!

Posts: 447 | Registered: Jul 2011
WearingTheHorns
♂ Member
Member # 37916
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WRS - What Razor said. Sometimes I think about WW telling Thing 1 in an email, "I've decided WTH isn't so bad." As I've said before it makes me feel like I wasn't even close to the big prize in this, only the participant ribbon she settled for. But I know that's not true. I'm a man of honor and dignity. I may not be H of the year material, but if those two thing's are all I come out of this with I'm still the winner, because no matter what our M threw at me I've come through it with those two things intact. Honor and dignity can't be taken from you, they have to be surrendered. Our WW's readily surrendered theirs cheaply thus proving themselves to be less than first, or perhaps even second choice material.

[This message edited by WearingTheHorns at 11:19 AM, July 18th (Friday)]


Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months

"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony

2 Cor 12:9-10


Posts: 287 | Registered: Dec 2012
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ask yourself. Considering all the shit your WW did. is she really YOUR first choice?

And that's where I was. I knew my marriage wasn't great, but with 2 kids we persevered and had our own good times periodically.

However, when she had the A (x2) and then justifies it by saying "I wasn't happy", that was all I needed to end this crazy as bat shit ride.

I'm only a couple of months post D-Day #2 and a couple of weeks post S, and I'm already happier.

I am worth #1. She lost the prize, not me!!


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind


Posts: 234 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've also noticed after a few days of no sex it starts to become an urgent need and I have to cheer up to do the whole mating ritual thing. I can imagine doing it while angry but not while sad. That's just, well...sad

I hear where you're coming from, but then wonder if we let ourselves become manipulated because of the promise of sex. Or worse, see situations through rose-coloured glasses because of it.


Philippians 4:6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your mind


Posts: 234 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honor and dignity can't be taken from you, they have to be surrendered.

That is pure gold, WTH. I agree with you 100%.


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Dec 2010
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I've also noticed after a few days of no sex it starts to become an urgent need and I have to cheer up to do the whole mating ritual thing. I can imagine doing it while angry but not while sad. That's just, well...sad"


"I hear where you're coming from, but then wonder if we let ourselves become manipulated because of the promise of sex. Or worse, see situations through rose-coloured glasses because of it"

Don't know about the rest of you, but in my M with rare exception sex was a "tool" to placate me. Same position, same routine, same shit. Her on top, "in control". Which is strange considering before the M it was like going to the carnival and riding EVERY ride every night!

Oh well, she's with a new sucker at the moment probably doing the same routine, hope he handles the disapointment better than I when the ride tickets disappear and he's left sitting in the same position time and again on the tea cup kiddy ride.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
MindMonkey
♂ Member
Member # 41679
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or worse, see situations through rose-coloured glasses because of it.

Yep. So happy to get the shit off the glasses we don't notice the color.

Going on 18 years in the Navy and we have these big cone shaped blocks of wood we can use to shore up different types of flooding. We joke about how when we joined, the Navy stuck this block of wood up our ass, so that when they pulled it out a little, we're like...wow, so much better. But you still have most of the cone in your ass. Eventually you just get used to having a cone in your ass.

R is like a cone in the ass. I'll get used to it.


BH, 35, CoD, Military...sober since 6/17/14
FWW, EA/PA (x2) different OM coworkers
Reconciling since 8/1/13
100% ready to file at next dealbreaker...don't test me.

Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: NoVA
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't pet the drama llama buddy.


This should become a menz thread motto!

Added to the jjct wing of the SI quote thread.


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 570 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whadda ya think JJ
Mascot included.


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 570 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 6674 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That picture should be at the top of the forum! Nicely done Defiled, Nicely done!

Now I just have to find a paper towel to dry my monitor off from the water I spit out.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 12:43 PM, July 18th (Friday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
WearingTheHorns
♂ Member
Member # 37916
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I'd texted WW a little bit ago asking how her day had been knowing she was about to get off work. She just texted me back that the day was crappy followed by another text with a pic of two beers saying "But this helps." I have no doubt she's there with one of the girls from the office but she said nothing to me about going out for a beer after work. I haven't decided yet how to handle this. Just breathe deeply and accept it as building trust, or ask wtf she's doing not letting me know beforehand. Kind of makes me flash back to this last cruise she and her friend planned with almost barely a word to me about it. Feels like she's giving herself a lot of leeway in what she does considering.


Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months

"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony

2 Cor 12:9-10


Posts: 287 | Registered: Dec 2012
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like this would warrant a serious conversation with your wife, WTH, where boundaries are clarified. Your safety and trust should be her primary focus, and it sure doesn't seem that way.

Sorry to hear that, man.


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Dec 2010
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTH, hang in there and Losferwords is right. Time to sit her down and define some boundaries. Good Luck.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 4:58 PM, July 18th (Friday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The cool thing about the Torri Gate it will be tall as my roof. Then after that the Koi pond. After that the bamboo fencing and the cherry tree, and the out door sparring area. And the rice paper walls patio.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
LostSamurai
♂ Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTH,
Be-careful how you approach this subject. Avoid assault and make her give surrender the details willingly. Confrontation, after a "Crappy" day is what will turn this into a Storm.

Start off, sitting her down, listen to how her day went, without interruption and then after she finishes and explain the bar situations. Explain how it made you feel, and stick to it being about you so she understands. See how she responds.

If she turns this into a cry fest, whoa is me then she is seriously not all there.

LS


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
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