Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Flopsy (45056)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 21
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops. duplicate post

[This message edited by Razor at 1:57 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We agree then, I think. I just think that at some point guarding yourself against those behaviors/triggers becomes a part of your nature, and less work.

If you're a WW who likes to hit the bars after work and socialize and gossip, and that led to you conduct an affair....then yeah, for the first few years it might be difficult to avoid those places....the 'tug' is still there....but I'd imagine that after a while those places who hold less allure than previously.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2106 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're a WW who likes to hit the bars after work and socialize and gossip

I just don't get this behavior anyway. What the fuck is up with going out to booze it up without your spouse if you're married? Yes I have a penis and I like to do things that the vagina bearer is not interested in, but there's a significant difference between a Shadow Warrior LAN party with the guys at [insert supervisors name here] house and going out to a place with no other goal than to drink and socialize with subsequent chemically impaired personal judgement.

If you're hitting the bars on your own after work to socialize and gossip while your spouse is at home then there's something really fucked up there anyway IMO.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7451 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stillgoing-

Amen Brother, preach it!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1019 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed, SG.

I got offered to 'go out and grab a beer after work' yesterday and politely told them it's not really my scene. They didn't get it.

I mean, I enjoy alcohol and I enjoy hanging out with friends, but I usually only combine the two when there's some sort of third uniting activity...like cooking meat (at home) or playing games (at home) or watching sports (at home).

I think the few times that I've gone out in situations like that were the rare occasions when my son was out-of-town and my wife was working.

Truth be told, when my wife was affair-ing and would routinely call me a bad husband, I was honestly fucking bewildered.....because I know guys who hang out with their buddies drinking and/or smoking pot like 2-3 days A WEEK playing darts or shooting pool or whatever. A large part of her anger was due to the fact that I fought so vehemently for the one day a month (A MONTH!!!) that was entirely mine. Oh, and that I went to bed at 10:30. Both of these things indicated to her that she was my last priority.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2106 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
doubleboggy
♂ Member
Member # 40622
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK Menz,

Well, I just left IC. I think my marriage is over. The bad thing is that my counselor also said it's over. I really wanted her to say we still had a chance. The kicker is its only indirectly related to her affair.

My hope after d day was that now, she would have the motivation to fix our marriage, that we could make it what it should have always been, but never was. That maybe now, she would devote herself to our marriage like she never felt necessary before.

But, it has only taken 16 months of false R to realize that remorse isn't going to come. That blame shifting doesn't just happen concerning the affair, but a WW can also blame shift reconciliation too. "I'm trying" sometimes means "I am doing all I going to do and if that's not enough that's your problem". It has taken me this long to realize that it doesn't matter how much I want it to work, I can't do it all by myself. I read all of this in the healing library over a year ago, but it's hard to convert knowledge into real life.

My marriage is over, not because she slept with another man, but because I couldn't fix the things wrong with her that let her sleep with another man.

I don't even know if this makes any sense. I'm kind of dying inside right now.


D Day: 3/31/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Sep 2013
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, because *she* couldn't fix the things wrong with her. Don't put it on yourself man.

Strength. Go see us in S/D


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 745 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

doubleboggy,

GotPlayed said exactly what I was about to. It is not your fault. There's enough pain here - don't take on more. I know it's hard, and I'm really sorry. We got you brother.


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1144 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry DB. Hang in there bro.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling
PM's w/ male members only please

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're hurting, Doubleboggy. Things will be OK, eventually.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2106 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are hurting DB. But maybe having this cancer removed from your life will be good in the end.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That blame shifting doesn't just happen concerning the affair, but a WW can also blame shift reconciliation too. "I'm trying" sometimes means "I am doing all I going to do and if that's not enough that's your problem".

You sure you're not married to my STBX? Page out of my M, friend. Sorry to see you going through this shit too.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1019 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just found this, I think it's hilarious. Mods if I'm breaking any rules please let me know and I'll remove it -


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1209 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad they don't have those cards available by me. I keep stamps in my wallet. I could mail it on an impulse.

No message, no sender, just the card. let her think OM or someone else sent it.

I won't do it of course. I'm above that behavior. But this is why I love having a vivid imagination. Just the thought... ah... Delicious!


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 745 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what ya mean GotPlayed.

I hadn't seen this one before but I was quite the prick back in the day with my psycho ex. She and I split (I was in Army overseas, she was stateside), and to justify the random OM she kept bringing home to screw in front of my oldest two she made up off the charts wild shit about me, I beat her, I cheated on her, I was a drunk abusive a-hole, I was everything but HurtingandLost.

Her dad and brothers knew what was up, so they werent too surprised at Christmas when the entire family received post cards made from random pictures my buddy took of her in some rather compromising positions with random OM (should of closed the curtains bitch!). My only regret was being overseas and not being there to see the look on her face when her Dad put that shit under a magnet on the fridge Christmas Day.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1019 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My only regret was being overseas and not being there to see the look on her face when her Dad put that shit under a magnet on the fridge Christmas Day.

I always wondered what daddy issues really looked like.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7451 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
WearingTheHorns
♂ Member
Member # 37916
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DB, so sorry to hear that brother. But as others have said, it's not your fault. If she was in quicksand and you threw her a rope, it's not your fault when she goes under because she wouldn't reach out for the rope because it landed a foot away but she was only willing to reach out 11". Strength to you brother.


Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months

"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony

2 Cor 12:9-10


Posts: 272 | Registered: Dec 2012
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HurtingAndLost

Oh man! So STBXWW is getting off easy, then.

And here I am feeling guilty for not talking to her.

Maybe I'll share that story with D after she signs the D settlement.

"You know what a buddy of mine did?"

Talked to L. We're going to be offering a final settlement soon. I don't think she'll take it, but she won't be able to say I've been uncooperative. And might as well provide a starting point myself, since she doesn't seem to be moving on it.

With any luck, I could be D by September.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 745 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GotPlayed

STBX is most definitely getting off easy. By all means, share with your stbx what the consequences could have been !

This time around I have three kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder / asbergers who require me to be on my best behavior. If the situation were different, who knows?


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1019 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Friday, Gents! Hope everyone has a great weekend lined up.

Cheers!!


Posts: 7213 | Registered: Dec 2010
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.