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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 21
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry WTH, but everyone here can relate I'm sure. Infidelity is definitely one of those gifts that keep on giving.

So now I'm wondering if she's sitting there getting all wistful for Thing1.

Anything's possible, but my guess is that she's sitting there squirming in her seat wishing she could be anyplace else at that moment. Talk about awkward...

When I got out WW was waiting and asked if I was all right, did I want to leave. She was OK to leave and understood if I couldn't watch the rest of the show. I was really kind of surprised. I don't know if it was obvious that I was triggering so hard or if she just realized that it had to be getting to me.

She was probably more than just OK to leave, she was probably desperate to leave. Because things must have gotten pretty uncomfortable for her as well.

Of course by the end of the show WH and BW were back together and happy with no ill effects of the A

So things end on a positive note. As for the two of you, you toughed out the rest of the play, together. It was probably an experience that bonded the two of you together. Shared fear and pain.

All I can do at this point is hope for better dreams and a better tomorrow.

Hang in there brother. Here's to better dreams and better tomorrows.

mcha, welcome! Glad you made your way over here. If you have to be on a infidelity survival thread, you couldn't have picked a better one. I look forward to seeing you around!

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 12:54 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling
PM's w/ male members only please

Posts: 1410 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The Penis Mightier comes to mind.

Thanks a lot SG. Now I have to wipe tea off of my laptop display.


Posts: 7243 | Registered: Dec 2010
HoldingTogether
♂ Member
Member # 29429
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The Penis Mightier

Stillgoing-Destroying keyboards since May 2010.

Of course there actually is an actual show called "Puppetry of The Penis".

Go ahead... Google it if you dare! BUUHWAAAHAAAAHAAAHAAA!

HT

[This message edited by HoldingTogether at 3:10 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]


Me:BH 41
Her:FWW40(Walkinoneggshellz)
2 Beautiful little girls 13&10
Dday: 7/24/10 1yr EA turned 5 monthPA
"I gotta hole in me now... I got a scar I can talk about."

Posts: 407 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: New Life
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now I have to wipe tea off of my laptop display.

You sure that's tea??


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 646 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The Penis Mightier comes to mind.

Well done SG. Reminds me of one of the old "Celebrity Jeopardy" SNL skits. "Suck it Trabeck!"

Feel free to look that up.

HT - I don't think I want "Puppetry of The Penis" in my search history Well, I say that now, just hope I don't end up like this:


“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

Posts: 1152 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I had a good birthday, so maybe some advice for others on painful anniversaries.

Last year my wife took off early on my birthday so she could meet me in the city I work and have a dinner ten friends from work had arranged for me. It was a great night, a roast of sorts, with gag gifts etc.

Except WW had driven a hour in the other direction first, but had made calls which showed where she was. That's how I found out she fucked someone else on my birthday unprotected, and then sloppy seconds for me later. Really a quicky, which I didn't want, but she obviously had been satisfied elsewhere.

So 1st birthday since DD hits over weekend. How to get through it? Well, we planned so much shit that I just couldn't think about it. Had a few older kiddos with us, slept in, breakfast, bowling, lunch, aquarium, bookstore, birthday dinner with WW sibling and family, a movie, a workout and sex and by 11 pm we were both out cold. Distraction, that's what worked for me. If you can afford to pack a day with no pensive "me" time, it could work for you too.


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell — 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 133 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The past few days have been rather enlightening. Reaching indifference and letting go. Grabbing my sack and realizing I am alive, with so many plans for the future that look that much brighter without her toxicity clouding it. My kids will benefit most of all, without this stressed out overworked shadow of a father working non stop to clean up her shit constantly, whether it be a chaotic cluster fuck mess or a financial shit storm she inflicted on a whim. Hell, I even wrote a thank you note to the OM (which of course I will not send, but was a great release. Let him find out the hard way).

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=537159

Hoping you all find that inner peace as well, whether it be through R or D.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1023 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H &L


I remember a scene in The Godfather where Mike (Pacino) says to the owner of a casino that's losing money " you're just not lucky".

That's what I think when I see other men like me on the verge of divorce number two. If half end in divorce, 1 in 4 will have 2 divorces, and that doesn't even account for the fact that second marriages have slightly higher divorce rates. In other words, its not so rare to beat yourself up over it.

You are so young. I hope you try again. Third time could be the charm!

[This message edited by Nitrobob at 7:43 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell — 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 133 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nitro -

I am looking forward to the rest of my life without drama, without bullshit, without some WW with a broken moral compass dictating my life. No third strike required!

Some day, down the road a few years, I may / may not find a relationship. Perhaps a happy, committed one. But as God is my witness, you will never see me at the altar again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Let's NOT go for number three!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1023 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
mike7
♂ Member
Member # 38603
Default  Posted: 1:48 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i hear ya H&L....

[This message edited by mike7 at 6:50 AM, July 28th (Monday)]


BH 53
WW 52
Two kids 21, 18

DDay 1/15/2013


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2013
BaltimoreBlues
♂ New Member
Member # 43845
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am meeting with an attorney for the first time tomorrow to discuss my possible divorce.

Can you guys help me with what sorts of questions I need to ask during the consultation?


Me: 40
Her: 38
Married for 15 years
Two kids (4 and 5)
D-Day: June 16, 2014

Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2014
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baltimore,

You might get better answers for your question in the Divorce/Separation thread. I personally haven't been to a lawyer.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3963 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with Tred. I contacted one divorce lawyer after DDAY and they never called me back.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Baltimore, I'll send you a private message shortly.


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling
PM's w/ male members only please

Posts: 1410 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am looking forward to the rest of my life without drama, without bullshit, without some WW with a broken moral compass dictating my life. No third strike required!

I'll second that!!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sure that's tea??

Yep, mhca. That would be my second favorite "brewed" beverage.

Nitro - I think you are absolutely right about distraction being a good healthy way to curb some of the bad things we might feel about certain dates, etc.

This kind of goes along with some of the treatment that I've gotten for my major depression. In Dr. Burn's book, "Feeling Good", he has a section on "the cycle of do-nothingness". He talks about how depression can make a person not have the motivation to get up and do stuff, and then when the person doesn't get up and do stuff, they get more depressed. He said the best way to break this cycle is to essentially "prime the pump" by starting to do some activities, and this will energize a person to want to do more activities.

I know that is going on a little bit of a different tangent than what you were saying about your birthday, but it was really good advice, and your post reminded me of that. Feels a lot better to get out and do stuff. One of the worst things for me was giving myself too much time to sit around and "stew" in my bad feelings.

Thanks for sharing that experience. Glad you had a good birthday.


Posts: 7243 | Registered: Dec 2010
BaltimoreBlues
♂ New Member
Member # 43845
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Sal. I appreciate the PM. I have less than 50 posts so I can't PM you back.

We actually live in the same state now. I'm just from Baltimore originally.

Thanks again.


Me: 40
Her: 38
Married for 15 years
Two kids (4 and 5)
D-Day: June 16, 2014

Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2014
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know. I just can't see the point of a lot of dudes telling me its okay to be a male. I was born with a penis. Why should I feel guilt for that? I'm perfectly comfortable being a male. As for sitting around a fire in the woods naked - that's some shit imagined by a city dude whos got limited knowledge of the woods. Maybe tmi but a tick on the Willie < tick on the corn hole.

On another note I DL a phone recovery program. Hit my WW icloud and iTunes. Good news is nothing there dodgy from well before DDay1. It recovers back to that time so I know nothing scary going on. Bad news is that it is patchy recovery from before. To get more I need to massively update her iPhone 4 - which may not survive the updates (it crashes badly at updates so she stopped over a year ago). This means I either get it all when I update it because it was never overwritten with new crap but just got lost from accessible memory, get nothing due to the catastrophic crashes from a year ago means it is really all gone, or the shit hits the fan when I kill her phone while updating it. Wish me luck


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 546 | Registered: Jan 2014
Nitrobob
♂ Member
Member # 42021
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

William,

I got a free trial of Celebrite, a forensic program, but recovered very few old texts from Android, which I had to "jail break" first using a paid service that walks you through it on the internet. Tried Dr Fone too, recovered very little.

I'm thinking of spending a few hundred bucks and having it done professionally, because WW is using a new phone; I have the one from the period last year I'm interested in. Seems weird to still be obsessed with whether I got the whole truth or not.


Me 50 WW 40, 3PA, 1EA over single summer 7/13-9/13, DDay 10/13
M 9 years,together 12, in R mode

James Russell Lowell — 'Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, that you are dreadfully like other people.'


Posts: 133 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Midwest
william
Member
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah. i understand.

my wife went had two other phones from 2011 onwards, this being the third. i have the other two stashed away. after ive popped this one open i fully intend to do those too.

she says shes okay with it but that there is going to be lots of nasty stuff for me to see.

im with you. i want to know everything AND i want to make sure that i got/am getting the truth.

the trust shes not having an affair and taking her word for what shes doing/done bridge has been burnt badly. now i verify instead of blindly trusting.


me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys


Posts: 546 | Registered: Jan 2014
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