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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 21
FrmrBH80124
♂ Member
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PM's welcome here too. Little late to that party but wanted to let everyone know that I'm glad to help in any way that I can.


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 163 | Registered: Apr 2014
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

few more days of mind fuckery under one roof and one of us may cave.

Develop some minor but irritating habits...go through the house and put all the toilet seats up. Brush your teeth in the kitchen sink. Leave your dirty clothes on the floor near the shower with a note saying "I'll get these later". If she like it cool, up the thermostat - reverse if necessary. Several times per day. Be creative. It's the little things that count.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3917 | Registered: Dec 2011
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's the little things that count.

^^^^

Absolutely. Shrimp in the curtain rods anyone?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2813 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL - he doesn't need to go that far yet! I'm sure everyone has some "advice" on how to help...Menz?


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3917 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two words: Pubic hair.

Everywhere.

Just walk through the house randomly shaving your junk with an electric trimmer.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Clip your toe nails in bed and don't clean them up.

Leave pee on the toilet seat.

Start using chewing tobacco and leave a spit cup on the coffee table. Accidently knock said spit cup over on carpet. Grab a couple paper towels and dab clean. Then get a couple more paper towels to set and leave over stain. You know; so no one will step on it.

Come down with a sudden acute case of Tourettes, Deuce Bigalow style.

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 11:03 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)]


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 534 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guys, I just wish I had the common sense NOT to be taking a swig of coffee before reading responses!

Ascendant - You MUST seek out a psychiatric intervention. IMMEDIATELY


You all just hit on every one of HER bad habits (minus the peeing on seat / floor, which my kids already take care of for me, and chewing tobacco, which I gave up when we got Married, I stick to Marlboros) that have me in a shitty mood every day living under the same roof for 9 years.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 11:17 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 970 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just walk through the house randomly shaving your junk with an electric trimmer.

What, that's not a common thing?


Who knew?


Me: BH (43) Her WW 41

R'ing going,going..gone!!
Divorcing!

She no more will have that power over me. I can make, and will make, my own happiness. We we're a good team at one point, but I am great as an individual!!


Posts: 218 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ascendant - You MUST seek out a psychiatric intervention. IMMEDIATELY
I wish I could say I came up with that...but alas, I did not.

It happened to me. True story.

Back when I was wrestling, a guy of some not-insignificant level of fame stripped down to nothing but his fanny pack ("cuz, you know, my painkillers and cash are in there") and used an electric trimmer to give his entire body the once-over whilst we worked on our match.

His entire body. Fanny packs were shifted...but never removed.

That guy was a fuckin' pro.

[This message edited by Ascendant at 11:29 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)]


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
cvs2kkids
♂ Member
Member # 41298
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure everyone has some "advice" on how to help...Menz?

Nothing says a new beginning like a newly acquired big, bad, slobbery dog!

Any type of boxer would do.


Me: BH (43) Her WW 41

R'ing going,going..gone!!
Divorcing!

She no more will have that power over me. I can make, and will make, my own happiness. We we're a good team at one point, but I am great as an individual!!


Posts: 218 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: NB Canada
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doubleboggy, we have similar issues. In my case I believe she's not doing the hard work because she doesn't/can't see herself as the problem and when I started standing up and firmly requesting she take responsibility for her dysfunction it became HFOH is the problem, he's never going to heal, I want a divorce. I have had a couple hellacious weeks as this has been unfolding. Of course she wants the moon and the stars and why wouldn't she? Unfortunately that's what I have always done for her in the past. I think things are going to turn out a bit different this time! I'm still going to get royally screwed, but that's the marriage tax I get to pay. Strength! We can get through this no matter which way it ultimately turns out.

Well said MOS! We are all facing our individual storms, but the support from our anonymous brothers on the menz thread gives us strength and perspectives that few in real life could provide. For that I am truly grateful!

Welcome mhca and Baltimore!

H&L, I understand swearing marriage off. At times I fall into that same line of thinking. I planned to only be married once in my life (you know, till death do us part) so how do I reconcile that. To me it's similar to how did I reconcile saying I would give STBXWW a second chance after D-day. I'm trying to be open and not use absolutes and am also actively working on learning and healing. In the end I will become a better/healed person who in all likelihood will find someone significantly better. Do I still wish STBXWW would fix her issue so we could keep our family united? A definite yes, but in the end it appears she would rather divorce then fix herself and I can't control that.

I personally think we have a nice and health men-only group right here.

WTH, sounds like you handled your struggles well. Triggers are the worst. Strength!

Nitro, glad to here your birthday turned out well. I'm glad you were able to take back the day. Good job!


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 139 | Registered: Mar 2014
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HFOH -

she's not doing the hard work because she doesn't/can't see herself as the problem and when I started standing up and firmly requesting she take responsibility for her dysfunction it became HFOH is the problem, he's never going to heal, I want a divorce. I have had a couple hellacious weeks as this has been unfolding. Of course she wants the moon and the stars and why wouldn't she? Unfortunately that's what I have always done for her in the past.

Do I still wish STBXWW would fix her issue so we could keep our family united? A definite yes, but in the end it appears she would rather divorce then fix herself and I can't control that.

Damn, are we married to the same woman?


[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 12:01 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 970 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sure hope not! I think that particular model must come at a discount because there seems to be a lot of them running around.


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 139 | Registered: Mar 2014
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Moral of the story - No more blue light specials in the womenz dept!

If I ever meet a woman who shoves herself into bed with me in less than a week, I'll toss her out the window! Seriously, 3 dates one week and slam bam thank you Ma'am, with her pulling the strings and pushing the buttons.

These days, the button's broke and the strings are frayed apart.

That slobbering boxer sounds like an ideal companion from here on out!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 970 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
Montreal
♂ Member
Member # 40627
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are such assholes.

Don't give up on the marriage, man. Do nice things for her, so you can win her back. Like, gather up all her laundry, especially the really expensive stuff, and wash it for her so she doesn't have to do it. Use really hot water and lots of bleach so that it comes out nice and clean. Buy a pet snake or rat, so that "it can eat all the spiders you've been seeing under her bed lately". Cook for her. I'm sure she'll be so grateful that she'll clean the pots afterwards, even the ones you accidentally burnt stuff in. Clean her car with industrial strength carpet cleaner, so that it has that new factory smell. Start renovating her bathroom - removing the toilet is usually the first thing you do, so that it doesn't get in your way when you work on the walls. She'll thank you later for the temporary inconvenience. Get her a membership at Weight Watchers, because… well, "you know", and buy her makeup so that she "doesn't look so tired." Help her out man! Kill her with kindness man! She deserves it!


DDay: July 6, 2013
"not divorcing"

Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Montreal - I like the way you think!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 970 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Montreal wins the coveted "Asshole of the Month" award....given each month on the 30th....except February. Fuck February.

Here ya go.



I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes this thread is exactly what you need. Then other times, it exceeds that.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3917 | Registered: Dec 2011
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wish me luck guys. Going home, gonna have "the talk" with the kids and STBX. Root canal would be better.

Nothing like watching the destruction of a family in slow motion.


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 576 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck, mhca. I remember my parents having that talk when I was almost 17 really vividly. It wasn't a whole lot of fun.

Posts: 1677 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
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