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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 21
Sproket
♂ Member
Member # 41262
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DefiledRage,

I been at the Redskins training camp.
Just keeping busy


ME:BS 40
W: WW 40
M: Oct 2009
D.D Nov 2, 2013

Posts: 80 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: VA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sproket,

You had me at Redskins . I bleed Burgundy and Gold.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3910 | Registered: Dec 2011
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I been at the Redskins training camp.

Sounds rough


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 534 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes fellas, its about that time of year again. And after a LOOOOONG off season, I'm at the point where it don't matter which teams are on the tube. Like any junkie, I just need my "fix".

Niners
Broncos
Packers
Chiefs
Texans
Titans
Redskins
Falcons
Seahawks
Saints
Bills
Colts
Yes, even the Dolphins and Buc's

Just gimme some damn football!

Only teams excluded: Bears, The Brady Bunch (pats) and Cowgirls. Then I am most definitely the biggest fan of any opposing team!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 964 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait, so D means I can watch sports on TV anytime I want without getting the evil eye from STBX? Wow....


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 562 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H & L,

Whaaaaat? Sorry bro, DA BEARS! I always enjoy watching the game with someone rooting for the other team though. That way somebody is always buying. Another notable absence from your list was the Steelers(FWW's team, to the point she's got the tat to prove it. My *2nd* 39th B-day present to her).

mhca, if you're ever silly enough to get M'd again, be sure to marry a sports fan. (wait a while though). Won't guarantee she's faithful, but Sundays are more fun!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2791 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
doubleboggy
♂ Member
Member # 40622
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing all this infidelity stuff has done is I don't care as much about a Cowboys loss.


D Day: 3/31/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Sep 2013
doubleboggy
♂ Member
Member # 40622
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now Menz,

Easy with the inevitable Cowboys slurs...I'm fragile right now.


D Day: 3/31/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Sep 2013
Montreal
♂ Member
Member # 40627
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are lucky; My wife cheated AND I'm a Rams fan.


DDay: July 6, 2013
"not divorcing"

Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No worries DoubleB . It's all good fun. I just happened to grow up outside of DC, so I'm a bit of a homer for the local sports teams. I'm used to mediocrity. At least my wife is as big a fan as I am - sports is always, especially football. NFL Sunday ticket is a must, even though last year I spent too much time watching the Red Zone channel.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3910 | Registered: Dec 2011
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Montreal and Doubleboggy -

Sorry fellas, I was referring to professional football teams, not pop warner.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 964 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only teams excluded: Bears, The Brady Bunch (pats) and Cowgirls. Then I am most definitely the biggest fan of any opposing team!
Sooo.....I guess that means we'd only get along 1/3 of the time. H&L.

I'm a Bears/Pats fan to the core. Cannot stand the Cowboys or Broncos, though. 'America's Team', my ass.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2064 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sproket! How's RG lookin?
I will never forgive that last coach for playing him hurt - especially when the backup was good too!

I'm more with doubleboggy - my perspective...changed @ how important it all is, but the good news is I can still enjoy all the excitement, but a loss is just not as bad, yaknow?

Re Da Bears - even though I was born in Chitown, and played HS where Brian Piccolo played, the thing you gotta love about them is Halas. I have the UTMOST respect for that man.
Any football fan should read his autobiography.

My son's mancave is a veritable shrine to the 'skins.
(I raised 'em right! )


Posts: 6569 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JJ-

What's the name of the GSH autobiography?


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2064 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
FrmrBH80124
♂ Member
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred & jjct,

Hail to the Redskins, Hail Victory!!!!

I was born in Texas but am a diehard skins fan!!!

I can't wait for football to start. I'm missing both college and pro football.

August 28th can't get her soon enough!


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 160 | Registered: Apr 2014
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not an NFL fan but I'm really looking forward to college Football this year. My step brother is going into his second year as a wide receiver at Iowa and I have season tickets for Arizona and a house that's close enough to walk (or stumble as the case may be) to the stadium for the games.

Never thought I'd be the worlds biggest Hawkeyes fan but I am for the next three years at least.


Posts: 1675 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Montreal
♂ Member
Member # 40627
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to highjack the football thread, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and trying to focus on me, figure out what I want in life, and all that betrayed spouse mumbo-jumbo. Up until now I've been telling (lying to?) myself that I have a good life, because I have the big house, the easy job with the good income, and a happy family. I don't particularly like my job, but I don't hate it, I get paid way more than I should get paid for the effort I put into it, and it allows me to support the lifestyle that I think is good for my family. I've been telling myself that the job is a means to an end, that you can't define yourself by your career, and that maybe my purpose in life is to be there for my family and to provide them with an easy lifestyle so that they can grow and be the best they can be. The salary, flexible hours, low stress, it all adds up to me being the best damn Dad and husband a person could be. I told myself that would make everyone, including myself, happy.

Yeah, co-dependent, Nice Guy syndrome, call it what you will. I was okay with my life playing out that way. Even prided myself on it, being the Good Man and all. It's not that I am unhappy in my job, but I'm not challenged, and the idea of doing this until I retire, 25 years from now… well, let's just say I threw up in my mouth a little bit there.

So I've been thinking about myself a lot lately, what would be good for me. Being selfish and all that. And I've hit upon an idea that really kind of appeals to me, though it's got Chevy Chase written all over it; I'd like to own a small campground somewhere by a lake. Be outside, own my own business, live a lifestyle that really kind of appeals to me, and always has.

So I feel like I know where I want my life to go, what I want to do with it, but it would be in direct contrast to what my family wants, needs, and would be happy with. My wife says she would "love to" own a campground with me, but she's lying. The woman is allergic to fresh air; she'd never want to live in a place like that. The kids… well, I know everybody says they would adapt, but two of the three inherited their mother's aversion to the outdoors, and one of them is socially awkward, borderline Asperger's to begin with. He'd really not do well in a setting like that.

So I don't know what to do. You can say that the paragraph I just wrote is a pile of bullshit, and that I'm projecting my own fears onto my family, and you might be right. But they are legitimate fears. I am scared to hurt them, especially the kids. I'm comfortable where I am, I can spend the rest of my life doing this and provide a very comfortable existence for my kids, and my wife should we tough this out. If I disassociate my happiness from "my job" then there is no reason why I can't be happy either. But there is very little doubt in my mind that this would be a huge, divorce-level adjustment for my kids that may end up flopping anyways. Which would lead to a lot of therapy for all concerned. But… it just seems like something I would like to try. It would be huge gamble of course, I'm an office worker who has never owned his own business, never mind a campground. But I like to think that I'm smart enough to spend the next few years learning everything I would need to know and thus be better prepared to make that kind of leap.

But, you know, the kids. Their happiness, blah, blah, blah. How do I get past this? How do I convince myself to try something that may not even make me happy, which could lead to ruin for the very people I care the most about, just because I want my shot at doing something ridiculously selfish? I feel like this is almost akin to having an affair, doing something huge and painful for the family, just because I feel like I'm entitled to think about myself only.

Not really sure where I'm going with this. Just venting I guess.


DDay: July 6, 2013
"not divorcing"

Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
Herkemeyer
♂ Member
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love watching these waywards who have been on the site less then a month give advice like they have all fucking figured out. They have no clue what we as BHs are experiencing.


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 123 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Montreal - Your going down a similar path that I've thought of many times myself. I have a cush career, not overly challenging, with a decent salary to boot. But I hate every single day that I'm still doing this crap. I put up with it becuase I am the breadwinner (by A LOT) and my kids and blah blah blah.

Took this position last November, with the idea of compromise. Working for an agency that represents the great outdoors, buying a property in a semi rural area as far the hell away from a city as I could manage without isolating my kids. My STBXWW pushed me to take the position and when the reality hit that there's no Macy's, Nordstroms, Victorias Secret, etc for her to spend all of my paychecks on shopping EVERY SINGLE DAY she decided to get a boy toy instead. She has vocalized time and again how she hates the outdoors, she hates this place, blah blah blah.

Me? I like the compromise. No more grueling morning or afternoon commutes in bumper to bumper. No clueless college dickheads in line at the store rambling with their mindless entitled drivel(although I still have to listen to my own ), quiet area to live in with my own dock to fish off of whenever I want. Room for the kids to run and ride their bikes without having to worry about some drunk or stoned asshole speeding down the street doing 65 in 25.

Its not selfish to reach for a personal goal or standard. Most of us on this thread have sacrificed A LOT for our WW's, our children, our family, etc. GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE. And at the end of the day, especially when we look at an unremorseful WW, its up to US to look out for number one. I'm not saying drop everything your doing or all of your responsibilities and turn into a selfish prick. Just saying reaching out and doing something for YOU and YOU'RE sanity isn't a bad thing.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 3:50 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 964 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgot to add: I live on small acreage on a lake semi rural, and all three kids are on the spectrum. Son is Aspergers. They LOVE it.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 964 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
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