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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 21
FrmrBH80124
♂ Member
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

herkemeyer,

As others have said, your MC is a complete fucking idiot. If my MC ever said that to me, I'd punch them in the face and tell them to F OFF! That is complete and utter crap.

From what I know of your story, you are really 7 months out from your last DD. Your wife TT'd you for 18 months! Even after you caught her at the OM's house!!!! Of course you are angry. You have every right to be!!!! Of course you doubt every fucking thing that she says and does. She has no credibility left! She's lucky that you are still even around. My X cheated on me once and I was gone in less than a year!

So what if you are moody? Who cares? If your wife was that unhappy, then she should have done the honorable thing and filed for D. Not jump up and down on some guy's penis and claim it was the best summer ever.

You need to do what you think is right for you and not her or the M. You need to heal. You need to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your WW and have her help you heal if that is possible. I don't know if you feel that you can get over this. If you can't then it's time to move on. No one would blame you except maybe the MC but fuck the MC! Your wife decided to end the marriage without telling you. It's up to you decide if you want to finish the job.

Best of luck and hope you have a good weekend!


ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are


Posts: 181 | Registered: Apr 2014
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WWs, or ICs, or MCs, bestselling authors, and anyone else can talk all the shit they want about who is to blame when a wife strays in a marriage, but I refuse to accept any responsibility for my wife's behavior.

Fucking another man, posing for nude pics, having unprotected sex without birth control, being seen with him in public, exchanging dick/vag texts, carrying on an affair even after getting busted by your kids...I couldn't orchestrate anything that insane if I tried.

People look at all that and think that the BS must have been extremely difficult to live with if someone went that far off the deep end. All cases are different and I've never claimed to be anything close to a perfect husband, but if anything I was the more aggrieved one in the marriage pre-A. And as we like to say around here - I didn't cheat.

Sorry, but I didn't make her act like a slut and an immature, entitled idiot for almost a year. Don't have that kind of power over women. Kudos to OM, because apparently he does. There's really no excuse for this kind of behavior. Anyone who doesn't get that is really too stupid or misinformed to argue with, whatever their credentials.

Not jump up and down on some guy's penis and claim it was the best summer ever.

Best summer ever ...

Nice to know that one person's worst nightmare can be another's fondest memories. Hopefully Herk's wife will reach a stage when the very thought of that summer and the things she did make her skin crawl. Maybe she is there now, I assume this was unicorn-and-rainbow-era talk. At least I hope it was.

And this mindset hardly makes her unique. My wife had it I'm sure. To be so callous in the face of that much destruction and pain - and come on, at some level they had to know it was coming. The pain train was barreling down the tracks at 100 mph, and they heard the whistle blowing long before it came into sight. They just didn't give a shit because their own selfish desires meant so much more than us at the time.

Hey, on that cheerful note...happy weekend, gents.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 5:37 PM, August 8th (Friday)]


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1451 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear ya Sal. One thing I never understood and had to stop trying to understand for my own sanity is how a cheating spouse can look at their spouse and children one day, and walk out the door and feel entitled to betray those closest to them. It took a long time to sink in with WW#2 how broken and fucked up they must be inside. My ex wife can actually talk about cheating on me with a sick smirk on her face over a decade later. My STBX avoids any discussion of it as it points to her own fuckedup internal void, and shifts blame instead.

Nah, I doubt any one of us on this thread would ever qualify as "Perfect" husbands, but through thick and thin I bet we can say we stood tall by our spouses and kids and tried our best day in and day out. And despite everything, we chose NOT to betray those closest to us. For that, you can certainly look in the mirror and respect the guy staring back at you.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for playing Cheat On Your Husband, and as a lovely parting gift you get....

ass full of canker sores

Now that's what I call top-notch schwag.


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 554 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of this talk is making me and the malamute really thirsty. So thankful it is the weekend. This week deserves a three-parter from Koda. Try not to laugh at the last one. He really wasn't ready for me to snap the shot yet.



Hope you all have a great weekend!

Cheers, gents!


Posts: 7516 | Registered: Dec 2010
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Koda, I laughed


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 554 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
HoldingTogether
♂ Member
Member # 29429
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even my IC, who happens to be WW's IC and our MC,

See, now that is a problem right there. I hear this same situation pretty often and, for the life of me, I do. not. fucking. get it. How is that situation even supposed to work? How is it even remotely possible that there isn't an inherent conflict of interest involved there?

I mean, your IC's first, primary, solitary. sole, only, and principle fucking priority should be getting you healthy. Regardless of what that means for your marriage or your WW, getting you healthy takes precedence. Your WW's IC's first priority should be getting her healthy. Regardless of what that means for the marriage or you. Your MC's first priority is getting your relationship healthy, separate and independent of each of your individual healing.

How in the hell can one individual objectively accomplish all three of those tasks at the same fucking time? Especially seeing as some of those items will, on occasion and in specific instances probably conflict with one another. Are you honestly expected to believe that at some point this three-in-one IC isn't going to perform some sort of mental triage? That they aren't going to, at some point on some subconscious level at least, make the judgement call that one of those of those goals takes precedence of the other?

I think that stretches credulity to the fucking breaking point.

And hey I realize that, in some situations, the availability of counselors is somewhat limited. I get that. But frankly, were I faced with that situation, I think the only answer would be to pick the most urgently fucked up of the three and just take that one first. I know that, for quite some time after Dday, there is no way that I would have be able to completely trust any advice given to me by someone who was also, at the same, time, giving advice to my WW. I needed to know that my IC, at the very least, was completely in my corner. Was looking out for my best interest. Fuck, at that point I wasn't certain that there was anyone else at fucking all that was looking out for my best interest.

Shit, I didn't even trust myself with having my best interest as a priority. Can any of you relate to that feeling? I'm guessing a whole bunch of you guys can.

Seriously, get your own IC if at all possible. But, even if you can't. Under no circumstances, no matter fucking what, do not share an IC with the one person who has demonstrably shown that she is willing to fucking lie about and demonize you to other people to make her look like less of a complete bitch.

Of course that's just my opinion. I am sure someone will be along shortly to talk about the excellent experience that they had doing exactly that.


HT


Me:BH 41
Her:FWW40(Walkinoneggshellz)
2 Beautiful little girls 13&10
Dday: 7/24/10 1yr EA turned 5 monthPA
"I gotta hole in me now... I got a scar I can talk about."

Posts: 433 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: New Life
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just popped in for the Koda pics - awesome! Sand and I look forward to the Friday Night Koda

Oh, and a beer. HT (aka Aggressively Handsome aka AH) has everything else pretty much covered. Back to your regularly scheduled programming


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That looks fantastic Koda!!

Haven't popped in a while. Been off the boards too. Haven't been in the best frame of mind to be reading or posting. Crazy busy at work too. Sending me off to London next week.

This popped up on my whiskey bar so thought I would share some of my 291 American Whiskey. Enjoy Gents.

Off to watch some Tom Cruise movie called Oblivion with the wife. Think I saw a few people kill Tommy a few pages back. Something about being naked and a sword.

Stay strong gents. I'm with ya in spirit.

yop

eta - fixing the pic

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 7:51 PM, August 8th (Friday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2189 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bad news:


Apparently I have to go shark fishing tomorrow night. Just got the text. Poor me


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
Forged1
♂ Member
Member # 43418
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tough duty there, Sunsets. Do your very best to soldier on through it.


Me: BH - 30s
Her: WW - 30s

Married - 2008
PA with boss for at least 5 months in 2013, possibly longer.
DDay - Feb 2014
Separated, heading to D
==================================
At this stage, I'm pretty much bulletproof.


Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: USA
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pics will follow. The ones of me peeing off the side will be on another site.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((sunsets))))


Posts: 7516 | Registered: Dec 2010
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll do my best gents. And ..... (I can't do it....I respect Tred too much.)


Whel, we can always make whale jokes...........

Sailors prayer boys. Say it for me. Ring the bell.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being a Hawkeyes fan is a lot like being a Cubs fan:

If your team wins a game, that's great. If they lose...well, you're pretty used to it by now.

I'll take it! I grew up an Arizona fan (the only team in the old Pac-10 to never make it to the Rose bowl) and save for a few decent seasons in the '90's they've always been awful! At least we have a basketball team to write home about.


Posts: 1733 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hopefully you won't need a bigger boat

Sounds like a blast mate! Davy Jones ain't interested in you yet.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Decided I'm going to start budgeting to build a gaming PC.

Before i met WW I built systems as I had the $. All my PCs until I switched to Mac a few years ago were built by myself. Then I stopped. The M (and WW, and the kids) had needs, after all. Every computer-related expense became something to justify and feel guilty about.

My newest non-work machine dates from 2007. And it's falling apart. Kid still can watch YouTube videos on it, but not much else. I'm good at this stuff so I can extend the life of any hardware by quite a bit. But I've taken it as far as it can go as it is.

Things are still very tight, darn STBXWW is money manipulative if nothing else, and D is not final yet so I don't know what my final finances will look like, but I can start budgeting for it now out of my cashflow and planning it at pcpartpicker. I'll build a screamer rather than go piecemeal.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 755 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My IC has told my WW, that I'm the moodiest person she's ever met. She has told my WW that my WWs friends and family have validity in believing I did something to cause the affair. At my WW's first appointment, the C told my wife to go do something nice for herself.

I really think that, had a counselor said that to me, I'd stand up and smack her open fucking palm across the face and send her ass sprawling over her chair. Then I'd ask her how she felt about the validity of my beliefs in her causing me to knock her stupid ass out of her Chair of Failure. I say her because it plays on the gender roles and makes people automatically bristle more. In reality, I probably wouldn't, but still.

It really fucking pisses me off to no end to see people who take actual money from other people with the actual professed intent of actual help, and utter that complete fucking garbage. It irks me to read it here, but as it has been pointed out to me by cooler heads in the moment, I remind myself that it is generally uttered by people who are hurting, confused and looking for an explanation.

Someone in a position of professional authority saying that is the same as someone in the position of professional authority stating that you should run your own Exchange server on the public edge with everything wide open, or that eating bacon at every meal past the age of 60 is really GOOD for your heart. It's more than the statement of a complete fucking moron, it is goddamned motherfucking damaging, dangerous and deadly.

Really, when the fuck is the 'abuse' of infidelity going to lose the little floating thingies and join the rest of the world? Where phrases like "She was asking for it dressed like that" are bullet magnets for the firing squad of a united social front, spoken only in serious tone by the same kind of people that insist slavery had nothing to do with the civil war or that Jews weren't rounded up and killed in the mid 20th century by a gang of bad germanic types. The kind of shit where "I'm not saying it's aliens, but... aliens" holds the same headspace as automatically fucking stupid to think.

"Well, before the heroin addiction our relationship was really bad so I own half of that" is fucking STUPID. Really, FUCKING STUPID. "She has told my WW that my WWs friends and family have validity in believing I did something to cause the heroin addiction." or "She has told my WW that my WWs friends and family have validity in believing I did something to cause the psychotic break that resulted in a Dexter-style murder spree" - these are complete fucking absurdities. They're obviously fucking absurd, when they're viewed from a remote position of reason and consideration. Like someone who is supposed to be a fucking professional providing advice and guidance to the emotionally distraught and confused. It's the emotionally distraught and confused that should be reaching to that because they have no guidance.

This fucking moron that said this? This is a person who is an enemy of all that is rational and honorable. This is a person in the same league as that fucking asshole who did that Crossing Over show.

If you're going to pay some mindless twat who is going to whore herself out, you probably find one for 20 bucks that'll tell you lies that make you feel nice while she jerks you off. Fire that overpriced whore.

eta:

GotPlayed, it's way too far away but newegg generally has some pretty awesome PC deals for President's Day sales.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 11:56 PM, August 8th (Friday)]


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7477 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^^^^
Glad its not just me.
Didnt feel it entirely appropriate for me to go off three times in one day on the same subject. Just one of those things that gets my blood boiling. Theres too much at stack for a MC to propagate such utter nonsense.


GotPlayed
If your doing it right, make sure the mobo has either/both m.2 or sata express connections (new z97 chipsets only I believe). Base win7 install, no overclocking, pw button to loaded desktop < 20 seconds. Shit you not, damn impressive. And thats using the older ssd sata III drives (6gb/s) on the 10 gb/s connections. I think the sata express ssds should start showing up to buy soon (wd started doing demos in june) otherwise you can find some m.2 ssd hard drives although fairly pricey to get the full 10 gb/s. OS only on the ssd, spindle HDs for dynamic data. The IT director was so impressed it never made it to its intended purpose and he decided to kept it for himself. The new sata express coupled with 16gb of ram had me giggling like a fat school girl during the benchmarks.

And like SG mentioned, hard to beat newegg prices.


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 554 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Tred - yep, Joe Gibbs. DS1 wears one of those rubber bracelets...his has #21...Sean Taylor's murder hit him hard...and he was pouring water when Gibbs noticed it, thus, the pic. He even gave my son his assistant's private#, and said if he's ever in North Carolina, to give him a call, and he'd let him ride in a race car around the track!
Joe Gibbs = good guy.

Great Koda pic! lol!
& sunsets, do your best to hang in there, we know it's tough

herk))) - I hope you see the unanimity in our opinion of that so-called counselor's damaging as hell! advice. With different voices, you see we're all saying, essentially,
FTN!
Dump tha bich, because, well,,,40,000 people with years of experience don't know what tha fook we're talking about, right?


Posts: 6644 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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