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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 21
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd love to meet your son one day - my only Skins jersey I've bought was Taylor's. Best natural safety I've ever seen play the game. He'd still be jacking punters up...and he'll always and only be a Redskin. That was a real tragedy.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You will meet him Uncle Tred.
We'll have to behave though, that's the hard part.

Posts: 6652 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
ProbableIceCream
♂ Member
Member # 37468
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I think I've figured out why this thread exists and (as far as I know?) there's no "betrayed women" thread. SI is overwhelmingly female, at least in post volume. :)


Me, 32. DD, 8. DS, 6 (deceased).

Posts: 842 | Registered: Nov 2012
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a Betrayed Women thread, just not that active. I think they are afraid they'll give away trade secrets or something .

ETA? Behave? That's our middle name! Especially when combined with mis and oh.

[This message edited by Tred at 11:19 AM, August 9th (Saturday)]


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2011
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tried to drop a pic fellas but the path name won't work. Oh wells

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 11:32 AM, August 9th (Saturday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So what are you all doing today? I see a lawnmower in my future. I also need to get some weeds out of my garden. I was sure that the hailstorm we had a month or so ago killed everything off, but most of it is rejuvenating. I got my first tomato blossoms yesterday, and pulled a turnip out the size of my fist. It tasted fantastic.

Probably going to harvest some green beans out of there today. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can still get some peppers. Those plants are still looking pretty rough. This garden has been kind of my "peace project" this year, and a labor of love. Sure beats the crappy area of crabgrass that used to occupy that space.


Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hit the gym at 9:00 then hit the mall to buy some new underwear and dress slacks for work. The hit the grocery store with the ASChild for lunch, now we have a Minecraft date in about an hour. Maybe swimming after that.


I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Taking the kids down to the dock for some panfish mayhem. Perch, Crappie, etc., may save a few for the fryer later!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ASChild

Love that nickname, ASC! Have fun with the Minecraft.

H&L - I love panfish. I did a lot of panfishing when I was a kid, visiting my grandfolks in Nebraska. My grandpa taught me how to filet like a champ by the time I was 10. Your post makes me hungry just thinking about it.

Not doing much with my kid today. He is wiped out from day camp this week, which I am okay with. He woke up with a really bad cough and stuffed up nose, which I am not okay with. I'll probably watch a movie with him later.


Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My roommate fed my dogs expired people food again so I was up all night cleaning up diarrhea. I had to go into work this morning while the carpets were cleaned. I had some chores to do but I think I have earned a nap instead.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuckin' roomates, sometimes, I swear. I have a few stories to share in that department as well...

Your nap was well earned indeed, h0peless.

I need to get out before this rainstorm hits. Keep getting caught up with boring "indoor chores".


Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuckin' roomates, sometimes, I swear. I have a few stories to share in that department as well...
Christ, me too...

Going back to what StillGoing said a page or two back....I have also found that substituting the word 'affair' with any other kind of shitty behavior, i.e., alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic violence, etc., has been a pretty successful tactic, as far as shutting people down when they try to blame cheating on the BS.

I don't even mean talking about my situation really, but just dumb people who brag about their cheating and get all up in arms when I tell them they are a terrible person. I have, to borrow a phrase I heard WAL use, eaten a few people's lunches on the topic.

My MC was never as bad as the one at hand, but I did have to stop her a couple of times and point out that my wife's cheating is her issue....we're not here to figure out how to stop her from cheating. That's her job.

ETA: I think that one of the biggest mistakes us new BHs make is that when we enter into MC, we don't move quickly enough to say "We are not here to figure out why she cheated and how to prevent it from happening again. That's off the table. She can figure it out on her own time and dime."

[This message edited by Ascendant at 1:34 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]


I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Losferwords, my garden has been a therapeutic outlet for me as well. Except for the mosquitoes. Hell hath no furious little bastard mosquitoes like northern Wisconsin. Except Alaska. They swarmed there pretty good after break up too.

Tomatoes have been doing ok, lots of cherry, couple burpee heirlooms, and some warped looking beefsteaks that look like a leper's offspring.

Cucumbers and beans have been doing great, squash are coming along nicely, pumkin, etc. Rhubarb and raspberries galore. But peppers and eggplant were a waste of time. The corn is about 5 feet tall but not producing, so not going to bother with corn next year either. The deer did enjoy the melons though. Ate them roots and all. The rabbits and field mice LOVE the strawberries.

First time gardening since I worked my grandmothers acre garden as a kid. Its been a great diversion through all of this shit. Bow season opens up in a few weeks and should provide another much needed outlet. Oh, and duck season. And fall turkey. Then rifle season for deer. Damn, fall's just gonna suck!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, ASC. That is the one thing that drives me most nuts, is blaming the betrayed spouse.

I had a really fantastic therapist, and she helped me through a lot of really difficult shit. One thing I did fault her in, though, was early on she mentioned, "We will need to discuss the part that you played in the affair."

When she said that, I felt like someone hit this huge cosmic pause button, everything went quiet, birds stopped chirping, dogs stopped barking, people on the roads came to a screeching halt, and the earth stopped rotating. I was like, what???

I explained to her that my wife's affair with POSOM started four or five months before my wife even met me. How could I possibly have played any part of her actions in her life before she even knew me?

But yeah, total bullshit when therapists do that. I think it is an "old school" way of thinking. Once I talked very openly and candidly about that with my therapist, we were able to move forward and do a lot of really great work. Therapists are human. They do make mistakes. I would in fact recommend my therapist to anyone, as she was open minded to hearing my concerns, and I felt like she changed her way of thinking by talking to me, her patient.


Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like your garden is kicking ass, H&L!!

When I would go visit the grandfolks in Nebraska, they had a saying there about the corn, "Knee high by the 4th of July." Sounds like yours is right on track this season. I don't have to worry too much about wildlife where I am at. I do have a fence up, though, as I have a malamute that is crazy about any type of vegetables. I've caught him grazing on my sugar snap peas several times this year.

I hear you about the outdoor therapy. There's nothing quite like getting out and playing in the dirt, or casting a line out into a lake. I'm not a hunter, but I can definitely see how that would provide you with some peace, quiet, and space to think.


Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey YOP - I am getting ready to try this beer from Maine called "Baxter Stowaway IPA". Never had it before, but I figure you are closer to that region, and would probably know. Any good?

Good to see you posting out here, man.


Posts: 7555 | Registered: Dec 2010
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But yeah, total bullshit when therapists do that. I think it is an "old school" way of thinking.

Maybe, but personally I think it's just a stupid way of thinking. The only way to look at it like that is to consider the affair a symptom rather than a cause.

Fuck, running up the family CC to buy power tools and build shitty furniture in the shed could be a symptom of a shitty marriage that way, instead of being an irresponsible waste of money.

I'm not a big fan of non-behavioral branches of psychology though, so I have a hard time going into a therapists office feeling like I'm on equal footing. I have to remind myself that this person probably isn't a total douchebag and really is trying to help, so I raise them up a bit as a benefit of the doubt kind of thing.

Which has worked out well. Our MC right after dday was great. Helped a lot. Before dday, that one... she was kind of wacky but, I wouldn't say a waste of time.

In every case I always cringe when I see a framed certificate with the word "hypnosis" on it. I just have to suck that one up though. Even my psychiatrist has one of those. I think they come on the back of corn flakes boxes or something and they make a good conversation piece.

I totally lost what the fuck I was talking about, sorry.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I broke down, since my kid is here and I wanted to get this done before the school year starts again. We woke up before dawn to arrive very early at the local electronics swap meet. Got a 3.3 GHz i3 with Mobo for $50 and a very cool looking, older custom case for $25. Used 8GB RAM for another $35. $25 more got me an NVidia GT9500 with 1GB onboard RAM). About $200 later of new pieces at the local geek store (Windows 7, 1TB Hybrid drive, Wireless card) and some elbow grease and I have a *very* impressive gaming rig, doing 60fps on Minecraft, which was DD8's goal. It feels ridiculously fast. Way faster than work's i7 Mac laptop. Will be putting other games and benchmarking software tomorrow to fully test it, but she's been using it for a while and there hasn't been a crash yet.

And all for about $400.

And DD8 got to see dad work what's essentially magic to her.

So tonight is playing videogames with dd8 night. Have a great one gents.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
BS 42, WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Reformed wife-beater ex-con
D filed 1/14/14 by WW (never warn them, they'll get ahead)
Married a powder keg

Posts: 755 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, August 9th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Lord Well Played! Nice set up. That is, the little I understood .

Grilling, golf and games. Citywide celebration, city golf championship and the grandson spending the night. FWW has been mostly awesome. Things going well.(Loudly knocking on wood)

Gentlemen, good weekend to all.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2995 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Herkemeyer
♂ Member
Member # 36910
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, there is nothing like the antiversary to give you a swift kick in the sac. Actually today hasn't been too bad.
I watched the Broncos first preseason game, since it came on at 4 am where I'm at. Then I went and practiced with my flag football team. Kabobs for dinner and maybe a beer. Finally, finish the last two episodes of SOA season 6. If sleep come quickly without my brain taking off then it will not have turned into a half bad day.


BH-43
(F?)WW-39 (neznayou)
DDay-08/10/12 TT for 18 Months (I think)
Married 19 years

Posts: 134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Colorado
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