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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Separating the Account
last.chance65
♀ Member
Member # 15989
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn’t want to fight about money. But, I guess I don’t have a choice. So, this morning, I’m getting MAJOR issues with how I split the account from my WH.

This is what I did:
- I moved out in the middle of June. Since the bills for the month of June were paid as of this morning, I stopped allowing my check to be deposited into the account for July 1st. I’m working on my codependency, but I still left all of the remaining money (checking and savings) in the joint account and just started my own account. He said he would live in our (rented) home, as I could not afford it by myself (but it is rather expensive). I told him that I would pay toward the joint debt we incurred. I also left all the furniture in the home, and just took my clothes, as there was some emotional and physical abuse, and I wanted a fast, clean break.

So now…
He’s livid, for one. Some of that is due to control, because he was checking the account every second of every day to see what I was doing. He’s also comparing expenses, saying that I’m having to pay much less for my lifestyle now while he stresses about money and it’s not fair. He also says that I spent money in the month of June that he needs to be reimbursed for (for example, like fixing my car). Uh, we both spent money in the month of June, I’m not asking for reimbursement. But, I need to know if what I did was ok. He’s using terms like “abandonment” and “suing” and “lawyers”… and I just don’t want anything coming back to bite me in the rear.

[This message edited by last.chance65 at 11:23 AM, June 27th (Friday)]


M 8 years, 2.5 kids
Many Ddays, Over 15 PAs, S, headed for D

Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
~ Ok, Done
Did it break?
~ Yes
Now, say “Sorry” to it.
~ “Sorry”
Did it go back to the way it was before?
~ No
Now, do you understand?!


Posts: 598 | Registered: Aug 2007
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have an attorney yet?

Whopps. ETA: you are allowed to have an account and do what you want with your money. Does he work- have income?

You may end up being responsible for some joint debt, but make sure you have the date of separation solid.

[This message edited by PurpleRose at 11:25 AM, June 27th (Friday)]


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3580 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
last.chance65
♀ Member
Member # 15989
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I “have” an attorney, but haven’t formally retained him yet (due to the amount of money he charges). Yes, he works and has income, he makes a little more than me. We agreed on joint custody, so aside from splitting the children’s school and healthcare, I’m not asking for child support either. I’ve told him more than once I’m fine with paying for my share of the joint debt.


M 8 years, 2.5 kids
Many Ddays, Over 15 PAs, S, headed for D

Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
~ Ok, Done
Did it break?
~ Yes
Now, say “Sorry” to it.
~ “Sorry”
Did it go back to the way it was before?
~ No
Now, do you understand?!


Posts: 598 | Registered: Aug 2007
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Only issue I can think of is if you are on the lease for the house. To be on the safeside, I'd notify your landlord that you are no longer residing in the house.

Otherwise, it's his own damn fault for wanting to stay in the expensive house. He's more than able to find a cheaper place if he wants.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1748 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
last.chance65
♀ Member
Member # 15989
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am on the lease, but the lease just ended this month and it is now on a month to month basis.

I understand wanting to provide stability for the kids, but it's too much house. I'm finding that he's definitely more interested in what I will be spending and saving as opposed to anything else, through his comments during the day. But, I just wanted to make sure he couldn't do anything legally about me separating my finances.


M 8 years, 2.5 kids
Many Ddays, Over 15 PAs, S, headed for D

Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
~ Ok, Done
Did it break?
~ Yes
Now, say “Sorry” to it.
~ “Sorry”
Did it go back to the way it was before?
~ No
Now, do you understand?!


Posts: 598 | Registered: Aug 2007
NoMorDeceit
♀ Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait...he is tantruming because you ended up better off by leaving him and he didn't end up the "winner"? Ignore that NPD-ism. Seriously it is DOA. It is fine that you stopped your check from the joint account, in fact I'd get my name off all joint accounts right away. Cancel any joint credit cards too. Who gets what debts and who gets reimbursed for what and when is a matter for negotiations between attorneys and perhaps ultimately a judge if no agreements can be made between the two of you. Divorce is the termination of a contract, it will work its way through the process and he no longer gets to abuse you about it. Worry not and feel free to put him on the cricket diet effective immediately. He is livid because he has lost control over you and you are really leaving him and really standing up for yourself and how dare you leave him? and blah blah blah.

Until you are served with something, no wait until you are court ordered to pay him anything, there is no fight over money and nothing to worry about. Right now it is just him blustering and bitching. This isn't about the money, this is about you leaving him and being better off for doing so, he can't handle it so he is puking his own shit all over you with a bunch of empty useless threats. Retain an attorney and get the divorce filed so you get all of this in writing. Be prepared he is absolutley livid that you want away from him so bad that you'll leave with the clothes on your back, no CS, and pay joint debts. He will likely keep ramping up the noise and threats, that is why it is best to be as NC as possible and do not engage him. I went through the exact same thing. Literally walked away from everything, gave him everything just to get away.

Congrats on the new place, may it be filled with peace.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 518 | Registered: Apr 2009
Topic Posts: 6

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