Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
His being defensive is a BIG HUGE red flag.
..and really..unless he’s 5 years old – he’s knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s acting like a dummy. He’s acting like you’re the “mommy” and you’re supposed to tell him what’s wrong and what’s right. Believe me, he KNOWS. My 57 yr old husband tried the dummy act too – he had me doubting myself too.
I don’t care if the woman is 60 or 160 – no golf dates unless you’re included.
It blows me away when a former wayward seems surprised this could be an issue.
Umm, no way. Forget nine holes. If my FWW ever considered any alone time with another guy, she would not like my response. If she doesn't like that, she can file. I wish I made this rule after her first A.
Everything about this scenario appears strategic and planned. And your husband wouldn't be the first one to act incredulous that you could even have a suspicion and your "friend" wouldn't be the first "friend" to get a charge out of her secret "friendship" with said husband. I don't believe your gut would be screaming if there were nothing to worry about here.
The investigators called it "strategic crying."
Exactly. (I think Oscar Pistorius may have been trying the same strategy.)
The next day was strange as he was trying to act like nothing happened, was hovering over me willing to do anything I wanted. I had to go into work for a couple of hours on Sunday and he kept calling me for small little things. He has not talked about it and is probably happy that I seem to not be talking about it. But he can see that this really threw everything out of kilter for us.
When I am on my own I imagine he is the smartest, stealthiest cake eating WS out there. His image at home however is of someone who wants to be here, who comes home early, who will do anything I ask, who seems truly sincere.
I then switch to thinking he is just stupid and truly did not think there was anything wrong with what he did. Except at the end of the day he lied to me, has not fully admitted he lied to me, sort of admitted to some although will not admit that it was planned. Keeps saying "they just decided" to play 9 holes that afternoon.
Quite honestly I have no clue what he did or if he even played golf, how would I know? I don't know what is true or not true. I do know he was outside that day as he came home with his face sunburned, so whatever he did it was outside. Could have been golf, could have gone to the beach for all I know.
So there is where the mind goes..... in all directions.
If I can't feel some baseline of trust when I am away then I don't have relationship, I have a job that I don't want (and would have to quit eventually for my own sanity).
I'm so sorry. I hope his future actions clarify things for you so you don't feeling endlessly off-balance and fearful and suspicious.