I couldn't say it any better than craig2001 just did.
There are (2) huge obstacles that I see right now, and they both need to be addressed as soon as possible:
(1) This therapist is toxic. There is nothing more damaging to an already *broken* person, than someone who is looked upon as an expert....who is wither willingly or unwillingly promoting and supporting bad ideas in the already-screwed-up-mindset. I learned two weeks ago that my WW's IC had not only known of her 3 year LTA(that I had no idea of), but "understood" that affairs could *help* in a troubled marriage.
How many more years of therapy will it take to possible rid your WW of this troubled "advice"?
(2) You are too paralyzed by fear to act appropriately. And again--I get this. I really do.
But you really need to work on your emotional detachment from your WW. She is not a good partner right now, and she may NEVER be again. It is important that you understand this. If you don't work on your own personal recovery, and continue on the path that you are following, you are going to be in increased agony over the long haul. Her behavior and actions will drain the life out of you....guaranteed.
You may or may not have done many things wrong over the years, but I can assure you that standing up for what is right is only going to help you, as you move forward. Your marriage may very well end---and you have to prepare for that. Reconciliation will only come from (2) committed partners, and regretfully, you do not have that. And the harder that you try, and the more disrespect that you take, will only lead to your downfall....because you will eventually look at yourself as a beaten-down man. And you don't have to go this route.
Stick up for what is right. IC has to be changed. OM...and ANY OTHER SECRETS...need to be out in the open. If your WW isn't willing to do these bare minimums for you, then what are you fighting for?BH-47
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D