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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: BS Questions for WS's - Part 9
ThatGuyNoMore
♂ Member
Member # 42899
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yakamishi, It was a couple of weeks after DDay before I fully admitted the depth of my infidelities. My BW discovered me with my LTAP, but it was communication between the two of them afterwards that outted my multiple ONS from many years before my LTA. Then I came clean on all of those, the multiple online EAs, and my use of pornography, all of which I was much more ashamed of than my LTA, yet my BW was far more forgiving of those. It felt liberating to let all that go. TT after that came with revealing details that I didn't remember or think to mention at the time of confession. I didn't view revealing those details as TT--I wasn't deliberately concealing them, I was just recalling them once prompted, and even those recollections were unclear--but BW certainly saw them as TT. I can see her point of view, and I saw how much those details hurt her. We had a discussion this past weekend about me volunteering info. I don't want to poison locations for her or give her mind movies, but it's important that she knows stuff, especially if there's something that might trigger a memory in me. That way she can decide whether it's best to avoid X or reclaim X as ours.


me 48
BS 47
Married 22 years, 4 kids
D-Day 3/5/14
I lied to everyone, including myself.

Posts: 165 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: US
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RawDeal (and maybe this will help waywards as well, I should have said it earlier. . ) AP was a friend, so I am having problems with the distance you describe, and not taking it personally.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1960 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
RawDeal75
♂ Member
Member # 42495
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ouch! So sorry to hear that bionic!
I don´t think it changes my general feeling about contacting/discussing with AP, but when there is that extra layer of complexity I guess you have to consider the potential outfall from that too.


Me: BH, 39. Her: WW, 39. Two kids: 3&5
Together 21 yrs. Married 13 yrs.

D-day #2 Jan 18, 2014: 12 month EA/PA (AP#3)+ admission of 5 month EA/PA in 1994 (AP#1).
D-day #1 May 2001: 2 month EA/PA (AP#2)


Posts: 54 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Europe
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what will keep a wayward from being in that place where they are invaded by "body snatchers" and not thinking in a rational way? How does this NOT happen again?

This really is THE question, isn't it.

For me, my motivation starts internally. I realize that I was unhappy before and during my As. I realize that the As made it worse. I was lying and deceiving the people around me, not caring about any consequences of my actions, being depressed and withdrawn. I know that I had a hole in me. And I know that the As and all my behavior made that hole bigger, not smaller. I would literally stand in my house with my keys in my hand, wondering if I could just run away from everything and start fresh.

My motivation is that I never, ever want to go back there. I don't want to be that unhappy and depressed ever again. I have remembered what is important to me, and I never want to jeopardize that again. It is a huge motivation for me. I feel like a kid who put his hand on the hot stove.

There are lots of thoughts that go with my internal motivation. These deal with my M. Like I said, I realize what makes me happy and fulfilled, and what does not. Now that I have a clearer picture of that, I know that my BW and my family fulfills me. BW is exactly the person I need to balance me out. I completely realized this 20 years ago when we got married, but somewhere along the way I convinced myself it had changed. I know now that it has not changed.

So I am motivated to make myself happy, and I know that my safe BW and my improved M will get me there. Keep me there. From there, it is a matter of practicing the behaviors that will give me that desired result. I will take my ADs. I will make sure that I do not withdraw. I will share my thoughts with BW. I will be transparent. I will constantly avoid situations where I could eventually get in trouble. My actions are going to work for the things that make me happy.

I used to think that I was a sensitive, complex, misunderstood person. I know now that I am the mouse in a maze. I need to hit the button to get the food pellet. I know now what kinds of actions and thoughts and relationships are my "button."


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 538 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
familyfirst
♀ Member
Member # 42651
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bionicgal

Thanks for the pass RawDeal75, and I agree APs are not inherently bad people. Mine wasn’t. I could have conceivably married him had our lives not taken different paths 20 years ago. But even with this "good guy", even if I believed he loved me and we were star crossed lovers, when you are paying for hotels in cash under fake names, having s#x in the back of cars and throwing away used condoms in a park public trash can there are no other words better to describe your feelings except dirty and cheap. so

how did you deal with those feelings during the affair

My coping changed with the duration of the A. In the beginning I justified the sleaziness by saying it was all fun! I talked myself into thinking I was in a now or never type situation to do that in my life and it was time for a leap of faith. I dwelled on all the words of love and affirmation AP gave and tried to forget the rest. But there are some things he said to me that ripped apart my soul. Background - I went to college with AP. I was one of the few females in a very technical program. AP and his bf, (let's call him Greg) were my friends but I knew they were both attracted to me. I was interested in AP but our timing was always off. (tmi alert) Fast forward 20 years, we reconnect, AP tells me he's always been in love with me, he’s still carrying a torch for me, etc. After 4 months of this kind of attention I agreed to meet him at a hotel. The first time we had s#x I told him I loved him, during. Immediately after he said "you have no idea how much I want to call Greg and tell him I just f*cked FamilyFirst". I could have crawled into a ball of shame at that moment. I thought we were making love, but no, he was f*cking me. How do I make peace with that? I'll keep you posted because I'm still trying.

As the months went by he also told me in various ways that he was happy with his W but just couldn't resist me. I dealt with these ego blows by telling myself that his actions didn't match his words, and that his actions were more important. I also thought he would change his mind. I would periodically break up with him so he would realize how important I was to him. It was a pathetic attempt to reclaim some power and self-worth. It didn't work. Funny thing was I didn't even have plans to leave my H, I just wanted AP to want me that much. I became desperate for his approval. Every time I went back to him it ate away at my self-worth. It was incredibly self-destructive. In the end I was feeling like crap at home, and with AP. I started drinking a lot. The writing on the wall turned from “we were meant to be” to “you’re being used”. Things came to a head and AP basically told me he was never going to leave his W. I found the strength to say goodbye and now almost 6 months later I'm still dealing with repairing the internal damage.

My story is not everyone's, and I don't expect any BW to feel compassion for the AP. But I do. An affair leaves no one unscathed.


Posts: 201 | Registered: Mar 2014
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FF:
I so appreciate your perspective and your candor.

You said-

I could have crawled into a ball of shame at that moment. I thought we were making love, but no, he was f*cking me. How do I make peace with that? I'll keep you posted because I'm still trying.

I can actually hurt for you on that one -- ouch.

There is something called the prejudice model, which says that we will remember and attribute meaning to things that tend to support what we want to believe. Likely in the affair, you wanted to believe you were doing a good thing, and something that had meaning. You didn't want to believe you could be a 'bad person.' So, like most waywards, you discarded most information that didn't jive with "star crossed lovers," and therefore couldn't see you were being used. Except sometimes, when something happened you couldn't quite rationalize away - like the moment you describe. All waywards have those moments -- I know my H does.

But it is a good thing, right? Because if you didn't have those seeds of reality (the moments in the affair when you saw beyond the self- deception, and saw it for what it was) then you'd be a sociopath or something. It is that part of you that didn't get off track. It is that part of you that can help you reconcile - it is likely, the "real" you, unaffected by ego, selfishness and need for external validation.

So, kudos to you for getting healthy, and coming here and trying to help others. Blessings to you and your OBS.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 11:53 AM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1960 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
notanavrageangel
♀ Member
Member # 44154
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

QUESTION:

My WH TTd for 2 weeks before he really broke down and says he has given me the whole truth. I feel by his emotional state when he confessed that he has told me all of it, and his story since has not changed at all. He has been very open with answering all of my questions. I know a lot of BS say to prepare for more TT but I am wondering from WS...are there any of you that couldn't TT for long and the remorse you felt was so overwhelming that you finally came clean with everything shortly after? Or should I really expect more? My WH has been in IC and has been uncovering his "why" (low self esteem, feeling he wasn't worthy of my love, making himself fail before he could even try and fail, long standing FOO issues he has kept inside for 20 years). He has been more open with me about his emotions these last few weeks then ever before, I feel like I am getting to know who he is deep inside. Is there a possibility that he really had a break this quickly and that the "worst" is over as far as discovering more details?


Me: BW, 28
Him: WH, 28
DDAY 7/4/14 TT till 7/18/14

"Reconciliation means working together to correct the legacy of past injustice." - Nelson Mandela


Posts: 196 | Registered: Jul 2014
GoodAsICanBe
♂ Member
Member # 44359
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What mad you finally confess all and stop taking your frustration out on your BS?


Carpe diem.. I refuse the shackles of unhappiness!

Posts: 186 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: U.S.
sarahstar
♀ Member
Member # 43889
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thankyou Familyfirst and Thatguynomore
I appreciate your comments.
Trying to get that insight into my WH head is driving me crazy. I have told him about this site so he can read about it all as well. I am hoping it does him good seeing we both decided that we don't want to talk to a stranger about our marriage... ie. MC IC

Posts: 79 | Registered: Jun 2014
devotedfool68
♂ Member
Member # 38047
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Question for wayward wives.

If you were not remorseful immediately after D-Day, why not?

How long did it take you to start feeling remorse?

And why do you think it took so long?

Thanks in advance


Posts: 209 | Registered: Jan 2013
theseseatsRtaken
♂ Member
Member # 43088
Default  Posted: 4:54 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Notanaverageangel:

I came fully clean 2 days after DDay #1. In my case I managed to come to the realisation quite quickly that if I truly loved my wife and my new born son, that I would give them the chance they deserved to move forward, with or without me, based on the truth. And so out it all came.

The snag in my case though was two fold. First, I had been lying and deceitful for 10 years so there were some things, some big deals and some smaller details (every detail is a big deal to a BS) that I simply didnt remember. So they become TT'S. Second, my BW went through a phase of specifically not wanting me to disclose any further details I remembered and when occassion came to unlock that door, boom! More TT.

As far as I can tell, im more of an exception than a rule in this regard. But yes, its possible he has told all. But I wouldnt hold your breath that that means the painful discoveries are over.

Im truly sorry you are here. Best wishes.


Me: WH 29
Her: BW 31 (RomanticInnocenc)
Our son: 6 months
DDay#1 Jan 8, 2014, DDay#2 Jan 10, 2014
Being given the gift of attempted R
I don't PM with female members.
"Your character is who you are when no-one else is watching".

Posts: 112 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

somethingremorse: T
here are lots of thoughts that go with my internal motivation. These deal with my M. Like I said, I realize what makes me happy and fulfilled, and what does not. Now that I have a clearer picture of that, I know that my BW and my family fulfills me. BW is exactly the person I need to balance me out. I completely realized this 20 years ago when we got married, but somewhere along the way I convinced myself it had changed. I know now that it has not changed.

I believe that my husband would say the same about me and us now. This is so perplexing to me about the process. It has not quite been a year, yet such a miraculous about face. And I don't know about your Dday, but from your registration date, it may have been recent as well?
HOW DO WAYWARDS GET SO LOST AS TO HAVE THE AFFAIR YET GAIN SUCH CLARITY AS TO DO A COMPLETE AND UTTER ABOUT FACE IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUT OF TIME?
This behavior feels so untrustworthy just in its unpredictability. Such sweeping changes and realizations after inflicting such major soul crushing damage just to arrive at what could have been seen all along by viewing things differently; Of course this is oversimplified, but the extreme nature in such short order is so scary. How do we (way wards and betrayers) know what is real?


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 572 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
notanavrageangel
♀ Member
Member # 44154
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

theseseatsRtaken
I came fully clean 2 days after DDay #1. In my case I managed to come to the realisation quite quickly that if I truly loved my wife and my new born son, that I would give them the chance they deserved to move forward, with or without me, based on the truth. And so out it all came.

Thank you for your feedback. Considering how open my WH has been the past few weeks, VS when I had partial truths, my gut tells me that he is telling me the truth now. I can see why people told me he would keep lying, because in my original thread I posted here, I started it right before I first confronted him with all the information I had...so I kept adding things to my thread as I learned them, but at the time I felt peoples comments were a little harsh. I guess I was still in denial and not wanting to hear that he could still be keeping more from me.

Based on his actions the past few weeks, I believe he is sincerely remorseful and it seems like he has had breakthroughs in IC (he was in IC before A for anxiety and panic, his IC went on maternity leave right before A and some of his anxiety had become worse because we were struggling financially and he wasn't feeling like a provider among many other things that would take too long to write). His IC believes that he experienced the "perfect storm" where his already low self esteem took a huge nosedive. Not that this excuses what he did by any means. He has opened up about some LONG standing FOO issues to his IC as well as to me the past few weeks, that he had kept inside for over 20 years never telling anyone. I believe that he would have kept living this "fantasy life" where he wasn't a "failure" if he hadn't been caught, but I also believe that getting caught really snapped him back into reality and he has been more open and honest with me then ever.

(((theseseatsRtaken)))- Do you believe that is the case for you? Would you have continued if you hadn't been caught? Do you think that being caught was a good thing for you to snap you back into reality and realize who you were really hurting, and do you feel like you are genuinely becoming a better person because of it? Are you and your BW working on R?

I am not going to say that maybe his A is a catalyst for us to improve our M, but I think the remorse and steps WH is taking after may actually help us build something stronger in the future. That is my HOPE of course. My WH keeps reminding me to take it day by day, but I am a fixer. I feel like I keep reading and searching for a "magic pill" that will make this pain go away and bring us back to a happy place. If only that existed.


Me: BW, 28
Him: WH, 28
DDAY 7/4/14 TT till 7/18/14

"Reconciliation means working together to correct the legacy of past injustice." - Nelson Mandela


Posts: 196 | Registered: Jul 2014
ThatGuyNoMore
♂ Member
Member # 42899
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

notanavrageangel, I know I would've continued if I hadn't been caught. I couple of times I tried to break off my A and couldn't. Maybe I could've eventually, I don't know. And I just kept spiraling deeper and deeper into the online world, getting further out of control there. Maybe I could've stepped away from that too. But the reality is that I needed a crisis in order to get off that train. I believe I needed to get caught in order to force me to confront my issues honestly and fully.

The day after DDay, my BW told me she loved me, which blew me away. It's not like she never said that before, but for years I had projected this sort of insincerity on her because I believed I was unlovable and unworthy. That she told me she loved me AFTER discovering my A, well that just jolted me. It was as if the shit-colored glasses I wore when looking at her were lifted and I could see her for who she really is--the kindest person I know.

Yes, I do hope that I'm able to use this cataclysm as a catalyst to become the person I should have been all along. I don't want to be that guy anymore, the liar, the cheat, the fraud. I'm going to IC & MC, reading SI & books, and writing in my journal to work on that. My BW and I are communicating far more authentically and constructively than we have before, so that gives me hope that we can build something stronger out of the ash-heap of this marriage that I burned down.

It's a big 180 from the selfish PoS I was before DDay. I have to keep working on it to ensure that I eliminate "wayward thinking" and develop strategies so I don't take the A train again. My BW recognizes that I'm doing the work, doing the right things, but in the end the damage I did may be too great to save our M, unfortunately. I also wish I could speed this up so my BW wouldn't have so much pain to go through and I could prove my dedication to honesty and fidelity sooner so she could feel safer. The doubts are killing her and may doom what chance we have at R.


me 48
BS 47
Married 22 years, 4 kids
D-Day 3/5/14
I lied to everyone, including myself.

Posts: 165 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: US
DrJekyll
♂ Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

notanavrageangel - it took me 60 days to stop the TT and the story remained. Although I was still hiding feelings and thoughts at times, and remembered a few extra details months out. But my BS has said she could feel the difference after out dday2 when I spilled it all.

goodasicanbe - I was so panicked all of the time, i had to take a leap of faith. I had to get it out. I couldn't breathe until I did

Neverwudaguessed - what choice do we have but to do an about face? if a WS gets it at all in the beginning they quickly realize that what they have been doing and acting is all wrong. and they are about to lose everything that matters


Moving from Jekyll the destroyer to Jekyll the rebuilder.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I do not PM with women


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
notanavrageangel
♀ Member
Member # 44154
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ThatGuyNoMore)))
The day after DDay, my BW told me she loved me, which blew me away. It's not like she never said that before, but for years I had projected this sort of insincerity on her because I believed I was unlovable and unworthy.

Thank you this really resonates with what my WH and I are going through. He had projected his own feelings of being a failure and unlovable onto me as well. In fact, just today we had a text conversation where I was telling him how sometimes I feel like he is listening to me and not hearing me. That I applaud him for working on being more open about his feelings and struggles with me, but occasionally when I am talking he looks distracted or doesn't fully comprehend what I am saying. His response was "Great so I am failing at listening, what else am I doing wrong? I am working hard to change". Immediately I could see what his mind was doing to him, and realizing that there was still a lot of work to be done, and I explained this to him and was able to help him see how he was sabotaging himself. No where in the conversation did I say he was a failure, I was just trying to communicate my feelings. I feel like this was actually a huge breakthrough for us because I can now think back to many arguments we had pre-A, and see this pattern of thinking. It used to be so frustrating for me because we would just go in circles and he would blow something up and I couldn't understand how something so small became bigger. I am happy that I have been able to notice this behavior in him too now, and I feel its a big step for us to understand how we can improve our communication, and how I can remind him that I don't think he is a failure, that he just projects that onto me so he can say "see everyone does think I am a failure". Thanks for sharing your insight. Although our conversation this morning was rough, I feel positive about the way it ended this time, rather than previous arguments.


Me: BW, 28
Him: WH, 28
DDAY 7/4/14 TT till 7/18/14

"Reconciliation means working together to correct the legacy of past injustice." - Nelson Mandela


Posts: 196 | Registered: Jul 2014
Wayflost
♀ Member
Member # 41583
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Devotedfool68

If you ask my BH, I'm not remorseful 10 months out. I can tell you that I feel remorse. I try to express it. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.

What is your WW not doing that you need?


Me: WW
Him: BH (totalheartbreak)
Both: 30s

Appalled by my actions, and the choice to set off several atomic bombs in my life.


Posts: 391 | Registered: Dec 2013
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neverwuddaguessed --

Great question. To be perfectly honest, I worried a lot about this myself. I asked both my MC and IC if it was true. In fact, for months I told my IC I was afraid I was full of shit, just acting the way I needed to save my family.

For me, two things convinced me and my Cs that I am genuine. First is that internal motivation. I know how unhappy I was. I know when I was happy. I want to be happy. So I can evaluate what I need to get me there.

The second thing is, I guess, repetition. When I was unhappy, I went from one thing to another to try to fill the void in me. Nothing worked. Now I keep coming back to really understanding what I NEED and how BW gives that to me. Sure, I wish she'd throw on lingerie once in a while. But what I actually NEED to be happy? That is all right here.

I also think I was kind of ready. Not that I was ending my A. I didn't have any courage or conviction to do that on my own. But I know that I was going along as much out of habit or routine as anything else. I was out of the fog before I was caught. I really felt relief, like now I could start to put things back together.

Sometimes we waywards make comparisons to addicts. Its more of a metaphor than a straight comparison. For me, I figured out pretty quickly that being caught and forced to face myself was an intervention. That is, it was not rock bottom for me. I know I would have been much more destructive than I was. I would have lost everything if I had kept on my path. That is very sobering. I think that realization was when I really started to break through. I remember BW starting to believe at that point. Realizing that is a huge motivator towards discovering the truth in a short time.

Still, even with all that being said, there is a tiny bit of doubt in me about whether I am truthful about everything. I will need to address that the rest of my life. So it is only natural and pertectly correct for my BW to have doubts too. I think she will need to live with those as well.


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 538 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
Lostcat
♀ New Member
Member # 43940
Default  Posted: 4:05 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Neverwudaguessed: I spent a long time after DDay in a fog, not committed to R or to recovering myself. I was confused and lost. When BH threw me out and said it's over, it was like a slap in the face or a bucket of cold water over my head. It literally woke me up. Someone compared it to an intervention and i think it really was like that.

For sure since then it's been gradual progress. I didn't wake up suddenly being the person I should be. I'm making progress on that everyday. But the sudden realisation that I could lose my H and my kids was what I needed to get out of that fog. I understand for a BS it's difficult to comprehend that I didn't realise I could lose my H and kids when I went into the A, but I compartmentalised that somewhere deep in a box inside my head. Unfortunately my only thoughts were about the A. This seems horrible to me now and I feel sick when I think about my thinking at that point.

I think only time will tell if your WS will really fix what needs to be fixed but it's totally possible to do an about face and suddenly realise what's right and true in your life.


Me WW 40
BH 38
2 kids 4 & 7
DDay 06/01/13, false R til 01/06/14
S til 03/23/14, now in hopeful R
So grateful for this chance

Posts: 48 | Registered: Jul 2014
Neverwudaguessed
♀ Member
Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, August 8th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Somethingremorse and Lostcat, thank you for your insight; it has given me a lot to think about. My instincts tell me that the changes in behavior and attitude in my husband are real even though they have been achieved so quickly, but my instincts before knowledge of the affair would have had me staking my children's lives on the fact that my husband would never cheat on me so I am not quick to trust my instincts anymore. To hear from you gives me some sort of confirmation in this world that does not make much sense that I am on the right track...


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 572 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
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