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Newest Member: js01 (45726)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Revenge on OW
♀ Member
Member # 43489
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

steadfast1973… "I want to send her husband all the emails where she made fun of how stupid and worthless he and I were. I also consider going and getting involved with her BH (ultimate RA) But then I'd just be a ww…."

Yes! I have repeated dreams that I go to the OW's house and have an A with her BH. The revenge feels empowering during my dream, and, of course, in my dream the OW sees it and is devastated. But when I wake up I feel awful. I would never in a million years do that in real life and it's horrible to me to even go there. But, my subconscious does. A few months ago, I told my H about my dreams and he was crestfallen. Just the suggestion of it disturbed him. Oh, the irony. The other BS doesn't even know I exist! I never met him, never worked with him, never masturbated with him over the phone or shared my H's most intimate private world and secrets with him. And yet it was still hurtful for my WH to think about. But, that little baby pain doesn't even come close to the horrid nightmare that he smashed into my head.

Posts: 116 | Registered: May 2014
♂ New Member
Member # 43590
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the dubious distinction of actually having done something to the other man. He used his position as a RR conductor to take my WW on trips, so I wrote to the CEO of Amtrak. I was then contacted by the Amtrak police who took my statement. Next thing you know, he's fired. I lose no sleep over it, but it hasn't done a thing to strengthen my now domestic partnership with my ex wife.

M in 2005
D's in 2008
Me BH 51
She WW 41
1st D Day 5-2-2012
2nd D Day 5-4-2013
Separated 6-2012
Divorced 9-11-2012
5 yo son, 15 yo SD
After a year of trying, she finally went NC 6-3-2013
In R and domestic partners since July of 2013.

Posts: 35 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South
♀ Member
Member # 34941
Default  Posted: 4:01 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would like to say - that I think 'outing' the affair is absolutely fine - and often to be recommended.

The minimum consideration is to tell the other BS. (with the proviso of ensuring you and children are safe and ok in this). The other betrayed spouse always has a right to know. And although it is a very personal and difficult choice (and I am very supportive of taking care of yourself first and making sure you are ok).

I don't think it is revenge to also disclose any illegal, unethical or corrupt behavior and actions undertaken in the name of the affair.

Especially if this helps for no contact to be maintained.

A condition of beginning our journey of healing and a part of disclosure was that my spouse had to call his managers and disclose the affair and acknowledge how it had effected his work performance and his less than proper use of work resources. This is what was right for us. Because we needed time off and flexibility to access our therapy appointments and manage my trauma and his depression.

Anyway I digress. Disclosure, transparency are necessary for the healing journey.

It helped to build our trust as well.

Disclosure comes with risks that need to be weighed up by each one of us.

BS / fWS me 41 (@ DDay)
fWS / BS him 39-BlindFreddy (@DDay)
My DD's 13 Jan 2012 / 29 Jan / 27 Feb (Trickle truth for 5 wks)
His DDay Dec 2003 (details 06/12)
3 ch(6 - 16 at discovery)
remembering "Sunshine on my shoulders"

Posts: 669 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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