Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: conflictedcolleg (44943)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: the lies just keep coming and now this
betraid
♀ New Member
Member # 43915
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, June 29th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First post though I have been reading for several weeks.
Together for 27 years; 1st D day 6/8. I was devastated. Found out about EA & one instance of PA. We talked a lot 1st few weeks and WS kept saying I'm sorry, loves only me, wants to save marriage, regrets hurting me, will do anything to fix it. Not sure what I should do but knew I was just to upset to make any decisions. WS wanted to go to MC and I agreed; attended 3 sessions and continued to talk a lot. Without being asked WS sent NC email and I believed WS was on the path of identifying why did this and working toward R of some kind. I did no double checking and wanted to believe what i was hearing though still had doubts. 2nd D day came a week ago when I finally listened to my instincts and double checked. Found out this had been going on for 8 years both EA & PA; meeting several times each year in various cities for several nights together; talking, sexting, phone calls and pics/webcams every day for years. Confronted WS who admitted to what I had found. Again, so sorry, never wanted to hurt you, didn't come clean first time because didn't want to hurt me, wants to fix this. Then I find out they have still been talking even after NC was sent. I realized the only things admitted to are the things I found. Asked for honesty, asked for full disclosure; WS says absolutely. So I ask for all email accounts and WS says why? Wont give them to me. WS says ashamed and I shouldn't care because I deserve better but in the next breath says wants to R. The TT is killing me and I want the full story, all details; just want the truth. Have talked with OS who has heard same things I have; appears they are still coordinating stories. For the past week WS has been saying I love you and I'm so sorry I did this; appearing to show regret. Now this morning is acting self righteous and angry. I called it out and WS runs away.
How can WS possibly be acting like this??? Has anyone seen this behavior; is this expected behavior? I don't know what the truth is. I don't know what to believe. I don't know who WS is. Please help me understand.


Me:BS Him: WS-LTA 7+ yrs
Married: 19 years; together 28
DDay #1: 6/9/14 found evidence of 1nt PA
3 wks of lies and 3 sessions of MC
DDay #2 6/26/14 I found proof of 7 years of PA/ EA & it continued past DDay #1
Separated & living thru new normal

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, June 29th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome betraid. (((Hugs)))

I'm sorry you're here, but glad you've found us.

How can WS possibly be acting like this??? Has anyone seen this behavior; is this expected behavior? I don't know what the truth is. I don't know what to believe. I don't know who WS is. Please help me understand.

What you have on your hands is an un remorseful wayward.
Regret = I'm so sorry I got caught because it's fucking up my affair. Things were going along just the way I like them.

Remorse = I'm so sorry I hurt you. I was so wrong. What I can I do the help YOU get through this? How can I make it better? I will do anything.

8 years? And now TT? You need to 180 this guy and FAST.

Kick his ass out, find an attorney, and file for D. You can always change your mind if he comes around.

You cannot reconcile with an unremorseful WH. Everything you described in his behavior is typical and predictable for an unremorseful wayward. Scores and score of us here on SI have been through the exact same things. IT SUCKS. It only gets better when you start to detach.

I also suggest you check out the I Can Relate forums. There's a thread there for long term affairs. Please start reading in the healing library, upper left hand corner of the page in the yellow box.

We are here to help.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, June 29th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with nekorb.. Sounds like he is more sorry you found out than that he did something wrong because he is showing he intends on continuing on in the affair. If he keeps contact after the NC has been sent it shows he has no real remorse and doesn't plan on changing..

180 and see a lawyer. If anything this will show him that you mean business. Might shock him into realizing you mean business.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 1:01 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, betraid, welcome to SI.

Are you taking time to take care of yourself? Right now you are the #1 priority here, your WS is a cheater and a liar and at this point has no intention of going NC with OW.

What consequences had he had to face as a result? If his life is going on like nothing happened, he will not change. He needs to FEEL and UNDERSTAND the devastation he has caused.

Be strong. There's no room for three in a marriage. Either he dumps her now (and you will have to continue to check for YEARS) or I'd make an appt. with an atty asap. Knowledge is power, and you need to protect yourself right now.

In order to R, he has to be completely transparent giving you access to EVERYTHING!

He is cake-eating and fence-sitting, give him a HUGE push off of that fence. It might just be the jolt he needs for a mega dose of reality.


Posts: 7535 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
amanda123
♀ Member
Member # 43207
Default  Posted: 4:09 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Betraid, The reason your husband is acting so arrogant and righteous is because he is angry! You have caught him out and he is not happy about it, his emotions are all over the place just like yours. My H was exactly the same he was even quite cocky infact I had never seen my husband so assertive during that horrible period, I was an absolute mess, crying, nauseated, unable to eat or sleep and here he was prancing around head held high like a peacock. I think it gave my H power to see me in such a weakened pathetic state. My H never apologised to me, he is the type of person that hardly ever admits when he is wrong, he did admit to perhaps saying the wrong things to the OW, which I know were that he loved her, he never told me what it was, but the OW told me. My H also refused to give me a password to an email acct that I knew the OW was messaging him on. He finally gave it to me, after 4 days he changed it again. I struggled with this, my brain just did not want to give up on this and then I came to the realisation that he can always open up another one and give it to her and I wouldnt even know about it. I have two issues with him that I am still currently dealing with as we are R.
I know it hardly seems like you know them, you just wonder how you could spend so many years with them giving them your all and they can do this to you. Definitely read the 180, you may have already started doing some of the things suggested.
Keep posting the people on this forum are absolutely wonderful.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Apr 2014
betraid
♀ New Member
Member # 43915
Sad  Posted: 11:42 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of you are wonderful and I do sincerely appreciate all the advice and insight.
180 has been fully implemented. I think about him all the time and hope he is taking care of himself but I will NOT ask. He is now out of house and in a hotel as he has no where else to go. I have appt with attorney scheduled.
As for me, I'm trying to eat but more than a few bites and I throw up; still trying to choke down something each day; have lost 19 lbs. Good thing is my beach body is back not the best way to do it but trying to find a positive in this mess. Sleep is not happening; 5 hrs in last 4 days even with melatonin. Bright side - all closets, drawers and bathrooms are sparkling; if only I could do yard work at 3am. Really need to get back to work but really don't like my boss and don't think I'll be any good at "playing nice" right now. Since all summer vacations were planned with WS they are all cancelled so I'm using vacation time; just don't think I'm ready to be around people yet. Keep thinking about all the years I thought were great and knowing I meant nothing to him for all that time; so sad.


Me:BS Him: WS-LTA 7+ yrs
Married: 19 years; together 28
DDay #1: 6/9/14 found evidence of 1nt PA
3 wks of lies and 3 sessions of MC
DDay #2 6/26/14 I found proof of 7 years of PA/ EA & it continued past DDay #1
Separated & living thru new normal

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
betraid
♀ New Member
Member # 43915
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of you are wonderful and I do sincerely appreciate all the advice and insight.
180 has been fully implemented. I think about him all the time and hope he is taking care of himself but I will NOT ask. He is now out of house and in a hotel as he has no where else to go. I have appt with attorney scheduled.
As for me, I'm trying to eat but more than a few bites and I throw up; still trying to choke down something each day; have lost 19 lbs. Good thing is my beach body is back not the best way to do it but trying to find a positive in this mess. Sleep is not happening; 5 hrs in last 4 days even with melatonin. Bright side - all closets, drawers and bathrooms are sparkling; if only I could do yard work at 3am. Really need to get back to work but really don't like my boss and don't think I'll be any good at "playing nice" right now. Since all summer vacations were planned with WS they are all cancelled so I'm using vacation time; just don't think I'm ready to be around people yet. Keep thinking about all the years I thought were great and knowing I meant nothing to him for all that time; so sad.


Me:BS Him: WS-LTA 7+ yrs
Married: 19 years; together 28
DDay #1: 6/9/14 found evidence of 1nt PA
3 wks of lies and 3 sessions of MC
DDay #2 6/26/14 I found proof of 7 years of PA/ EA & it continued past DDay #1
Separated & living thru new normal

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.