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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Thoughts on old and traveling to meet?
She11ybeanz
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Member # 27457
Question  Posted: 7:26 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I'm just curious on everyone's thoughts on OLD and traveling to meet someone you meet online. I've been thinking a lot on this since my local pond is pretty small. I considered looking further outside my town....The pro would be a greater pool of potential matches, however the cons would be finding the time to meet and having to travel to meet for the 1st time... How far away would you consider? 1 hour? 2 hours? 3 hours? Does the greater the distance = more of a chance for a greater failure or an ultimate booty call poofer type?

I've only had one long distance relationship in my life and it didn't work out because he was like 8+ hours away. This is all hypothetical.... I was just curious on your thoughts on this topic?

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 7:27 AM, June 30th (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I live in a small town, and look 50 miles away. I dated one guy that I met on OLD for 2 years that lived fan hour away. The most recent guy also lived an hour away, and we dated for about 4 months. An hour isn't that big of a deal for me. It's still close enough to visit during the week.


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1297 | Registered: Jul 2013
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, because I don't see it as sustainable. When I lived in DC, I even hesitated to message guys who lived in NoVA or MD, unless they were clearly just barely outside the District and easily accessible via transit.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13871 | Registered: Jul 2011
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried a long distance a couple times. Doesn't work for me as it is unsustainable. Kids complicated it tremendously too.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2781 | Registered: Jan 2010
Plinker77
♂ New Member
Member # 43901
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard horror stories. Just be careful. Hopefully, something will pop up a little closer for your sake.

Posts: 27 | Registered: Jun 2014
EvenKeel
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Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I looked outside my area. I live in a small town so there is very limited OLD'ers.

Furtherest guy was about 4 hours. He came here once and the rest of the times we would meet halfways.

Currently one is about 50 mins away.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2249 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally would not go further than an hour.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3491 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Mormegil
♂ Member
Member # 34841
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it depends on your schedule and mutual willingness to travel. The woman I'm dating now lives 1.25 hours away but she runs her own business and can take time to drive and see me quite often. She likes to drive. I meet her halfway during the week sometimes or go to her place on the weekends, but she definitely drives a lot more than me. I'm amazed at the lengths she goes to to see me sometimes


Me: BH 38
DDay 10.18.2011
Divorced.
DD: 11 yrs old
Dating someone new now.

Posts: 52 | Registered: Feb 2012
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You might meet a guy who has time to travel to you. Dating doesn't have to be all even steven 50/50 on every last thing.

Is there a nearby town an hour or two away that you would enjoy driving to once a month to run other kinds of errands?

I live 45 minutes from my guy. It works out fine. We see each other 1-2x a week.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 7:57 PM, June 30th (Monday)]


BS, now age 54, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5902 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Bluebird26
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Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think if you are more then an hour away distance wise it would be very difficult to maintain such a relationship.

I also think if you are in a long distance relationship, you have higher chance of being the unwitting AP. Because you are not in their local area, you have a better chance of being their secret. Not sure if this is the case of course but it would be my concern especially if you are only seeing them maybe once or twice a month. It would be a red flag to me.

[This message edited by Bluebird26 at 4:28 AM, July 1st (Tuesday)]


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1381 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
SBB
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Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:57 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that it depends on how much time you want to spend on a relationship.

If I wanted to see them every other day 30m would be my limit. If twice a week then probably up to an hour. EOW? Probably 2 hours.

I have had FWBs who live a 2 hour flight away, others a 2 hour drive away. It suits me because I don't want to see them every week even when they live 10m away.

But a relationship? I'm not built for LDRs. Once a week wouldn't be enough for me. Everyday would be too much. Sheesh - I sound like Goldilocks.

I don't want to spend all of my kid free time with them. I've reclaimed 'me' time and I won't be giving it up again anytime soon.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5658 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
StoryHour
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Member # 19725
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My honey and I are just short of 2 hours apart. (I think it's 98 miles.) He made the trip up last week, I am hoping to make the trip to see him next week. We just trade off. And when you can't travel, there's always email and texts and phone calls and Skype. If you want it to work, it will work.


3 Strikes you're out pal!
D. 8-10


Posts: 2034 | Registered: May 2008
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO, who I met online, are 30 min apart, with kind traffic. It's a challenge at times - I definitely am not a LDR girl lol.

Just depends on what you can deal with.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4669 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
itainteasy
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Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would start with short distances, like an hour away. That way you could each meet in the town that's 30 min away from both of you.

If you're comfortable with travel, then go for it.

If you meet someone that you could become serious with, you'd need to decide if you would be willing to relocate, or if you would need him to.

Before I met my fiance (whom I did meet online, thanks AOL!), I did OLD and I did travel. The furthest I ever drove for a guy was 4 hrs. We did date for a few months usually meeting halfway. The 4 hr drive was when I went to his town.

Of course....if you know my story you know there was a LD relationship with a creep who turned out to be married with a child (and I didn't know! For a fucking YEAR I didn't know!) He lived in CO and I lived in PA. HE traveled, and if I did, it was on his dime (which pisses me off to this day because that was his BS's money, too!!)

That one blew up spectacularly---as I actually MOVED to CO to be with whom I thought was "The One".

A coffee date with his very gracious BS clued me in to the reality of the situation.

I stayed in CO for 2 yrs after that ( and I told him to EFF OFF immediately after meeting his wife--who also told him to EFF OFF and she got the best settlement ever in her divorce. She's happy now, or least she was in the last communication I got from her 5ish yrs ago. Wonderful lady.)


So..sorry to T/J there.

I guess that's something to watch out for---if you meet someone who is always willing to travel to you, but balks a little at you traveling to HIM--he may be a douchebag looking for a side of strange.

-----

Do what feels right to you, Shelly. If expanding your pond seems like a good idea, go for it.


Posts: 3425 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I live in a medium size city about an hour away from a larger city. I often date men who live an hour or two away from me. I don't want to see a SO every day, once or twice a week with texts and phone calls in between works well for me...and that distance works out just fine.


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3236 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Ashland13
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Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it depends on what develops. I know people who tried and it didn't work and people who tried, much further distance, and are now married and living together.

Long story short, it seems to have many variables. There is a saying, that if the "right" one came along, distance wouldn't matter, nor would any other darn thing!


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2366 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm jumping in here with another viewpoint:

Although I have experienced all the weirdness of OLD as well - the creepies, the stalkers, the "ewww!"s, the endless same old and ready to forget it all stuff that everyone else describes, I'm here to say that it can be successful. And so can long distance, if the person/circumstances are right.

In three weeks I will be marrying the man I wish I'd met forty years ago; 100x the match that XWH ever was. And he is from the USA ( I live in Canada). I was not looking that far afield - I figured on 300 miles maybe. Thank God he did not have those limitations. Saw my profile and was immediately interested, as was I when we finally started talking. We knew that we were headed for marriage before we ever met in person. Now he is leaving his world in the States to make a new life together with me in Canada. Amazing.

It CAN happen!


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j

Congrats, treble!!!


Posts: 36474 | Registered: Mar 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:19 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I already responded, but this keeps bumping up, and I keep thinking about your particular situation, Shelly.

How much time do you have to date? I don't mean how often, I mean, on a night when you are able to go on a date, how much time are you able to secure? 3 hours? 4? If you spend 45 minutes getting to a date, and 45 minutes getting home from a date, that really starts to cut into the amount of quality time you can actually invest into meeting someone.

It might be something that's feasible down the road, when Piper is older or you find a reliable sitter, or you can afford a sitter for longer, etc. but it seems like it would be a logistical nightmare under your current situation.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13871 | Registered: Jul 2011
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In three weeks I will be marrying the man I wish I'd met forty years ago; 100x the match that XWH ever was. And he is from the USA ( I live in Canada). I was not looking that far afield - I figured on 300 miles maybe. Thank God he did not have those limitations. Saw my profile and was immediately interested, as was I when we finally started talking. We knew that we were headed for marriage before we ever met in person. Now he is leaving his world in the States to make a new life together with me in Canada. Amazing.

Great story. I occasionally got messages from people really far away, and I just automatically deleted them. Interesting...


30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1297 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 20

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