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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I lost it and had an epic tantrum this morning
houseofpain
♀ Member
Member # 25706
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After long talks this weekend and my WS agreeing to see a psychiatrist, and other heart-felt conversations, I see on his phone that he texted his secretary (who he was on his way to having an EA with before I stopped it). I made it clear to both of them months ago that no more personal texts would be tolerated. And as far as I know (and I'm pretty nosey) they have not texted each other. The text was not overly friendly, but he just HAD to brag to her about something he did and he apparently couldn't contain himself.

So after being lied to, cheated on, gaslighted and treated like crap, this one short text put me over the edge and my 49 year-old self had a 2 year-old tantrum (on the floor of my bedroom). I screamed and cried and pulled my hair out and pounded the floor. I have never done anything like this in my life. My WS was shocked.

What the heck have I turned into? It's ridiculous.


D-Day: 09/19/09
D-Day2: 10/19/13
Me: 49
WS: 45
Blended family with 5 kids

Pain is just fear leaving the body


Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Texas
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's okay, houseofpain, we've all had our melt downs, I imagine.

Our WS's have turned us ALL into people we wouldn't have recognized before our Ddays.

But now that you've had that tantrum, back to the
180, or detachment, or whatever was working for you.

Good Luck!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 442 | Registered: Nov 2013
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs)))

I can see what prompted it! Shame on him for his poor boundaries and disrespect of your wishes. There was extreme frustration on your part, which I hope was well and truly vented and you feel better for it?

Maybe your reaction (very visible as it was) finally had some impact on him?


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5824 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Landoes
♂ Member
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's normal. I feel like that at times. It happens to me when those realization moments hit you, feels like it just happened.
I'm a little over a year out, and things get better; though you'll have the occasional bad days, but they get fewer and fewer with time
Good luck, stay busy!

Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2013
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does he see her every day at work??


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
Bat4583
♀ New Member
Member # 43823
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been there,done that. I keep telling myself to put on my bitch boots but some days I don't even know one foot from the other.

Hugs to you!


DDay 6-21-2014
Married 17 years
Together 28
ME: 44 totally loyal
WS: 44 knocked up his OW. Nice!
2 fabulous kids

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jun 2014
SeeingRed
♀ New Member
Member # 43015
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm more of a lurker than a commenter but I just want to tell you, I MELTED DOWN. Went cray cray CRAY on my final D-day. It's perfectly normal. No one can control such an onslaught of emotions.

Would you criticize a woman for collapsing on the floor and screaming at a funeral if her child had just died?

NO. Same thing. You're marriage is dead as is the person you trusted most in the world. Is he still alive sure, but the person you thought you knew is dead. Grieve and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.


Posts: 42 | Registered: Apr 2014
fortitudo
♀ Member
Member # 43925
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't feel bad--I confronted my husbands Backpage prostitute in the post office parking lot. I knew what kind of vehicle she drove (a hummer naturally--he got blow jobs at 300 a pop) She had texted him a pic of herself in her car-- He had described her as some young (supposedly 25) exotic beauty--he is almost 60 mind you--with daughters the same age. Well i saw her and could not believe how she looked in person. Short, stumpy and buck tooth. When she realized who I was she started screaming at me "FU you, you married him don't blame me. My WS is obsessed with biking and had been trolling Ashley Madison and Backpage for nearly 2 years to find his perfect "dream date" to take biking. He destroyed our family just so he could have his ego pumped by some young (she looked 35) adoring chick--only thing is he had to pay her to do it. He even gave her my daughters bike in lieu of a payment. Leaning towards exposing his rear to everyone in this small valley and getting the heck out.

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jun 2014
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew what kind of vehicle she drove (a hummer naturally--he got blow jobs at 300 a pop

That's scary - how many men are calling her, and others like her?

I'm sorry fortitudo. No one deserves that. And giving your daughter's bike away? are you kidding me???


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1893 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

19 months out and I still have melt downs...the difference is I recognize them...most of the time...and will stop and say lets turn on the Tv...something to distract me...one can only say the same shit so many times....
This road is not for sissy's....


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 522 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
fortitudo
♀ Member
Member # 43925
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep painful it's pretty much a given the Backpage prostitute has seen more penises than a urinal in a bus station. WS was a perfect trick for someone like her--he is not known for endurance. No one knows about his first into the illegal world of sex for money--it would ruin him professionally and the kids would despise him. The pain is worse than anything I ever imagined

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jun 2014
cantgetup
♀ Member
Member # 36146
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be gentle on yourself. This is totally normal.

Posts: 315 | Registered: Jul 2012
houseofpain
♀ Member
Member # 25706
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your replies. I'm better today and am trying to hang in there until my IC appointment on July 8th.

And yes, shiloe, he sees her everyday. His secretary is an attractive 20-something that has a rep for sleeping with married men. I was able to monitor my WS's iMessages and I knew at some point she would send him a message and I watched the whole thing unfold. It's eye opening how these things get started. The first inappropriate text said she noticed he was upset about something and that he could always come talk to her and that she was his friend. It progressed to let's go have a drink after work sometime. At that point I went in for the kill and called her out on her behavior with married men. She made the advances, which makes me sad that there are women out there that purposely invite themselves into the lives of a married couple. She knows me and she also knows that we have a special needs son ...


D-Day: 09/19/09
D-Day2: 10/19/13
Me: 49
WS: 45
Blended family with 5 kids

Pain is just fear leaving the body


Posts: 75 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Texas
redsox13
♂ Member
Member # 43391
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are learning to express your emotions that resulted from the affair.

It took me 5 years to do that.


BS - 45
WW - 43
In R for 5 years, still hurting but finally letting go

Posts: 253 | Registered: May 2014 | From: nh
Trying2LoveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! You have now joined the club of "WHO am I NOW, and WHO STOLD the OLD ME?" That's how I felt the first time I had one of those horrible meltdowns! (And I've had a couple now..Dday was 10 mo. ago). I REALLY thought I was going crazy! I've NEVER been one to scream or throw things, etc. but let me tell you...I've done that all in the past few months! So...don't feel alone and actually, I've read that this is quite normal! Hugs to you...and keep hanging in there!


Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 222 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
Topic Posts: 15

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