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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: This f-ing roller coaster!!!
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As soon as I got home he left. My son left to go stay the night at a friends house. It's just me and my daughter alone. And I can't stop crying. He left to go to her. I'm disposable. After 14 years. I'm disposable.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to be worth fighting for.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
J121
♀ New Member
Member # 43928
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh honey, I am so sorry. You don't deserve this. You are NOT disposable. His head is just up his ass. I wish I could say something to make it better, but there is nothing anyone can say. It's OK to cry. We are here for you.

Posts: 29 | Registered: Jun 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so alone. It's just me and dd. In a dark home. I just feel so alone. I just wish we could have been different. We could have been the ones who are stronger after infidelity. But he's got issues


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
fortitudo
♀ Member
Member # 43925
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry to hear what this unfeeling man has done. Please don't blame yourself--and focus on your DD. She needs you and is more important .

Posts: 70 | Registered: Jun 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm trying so hard to not cry in front of her. It's just so quite and lonely. And knowing he left to be with her. It sickens me. I do hope karma exists.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Numb))
So sorry.

I don't know how new all this is for you, but do some reading in The Healing Library. It's okay to cry....a lot.

Things WILL get better, although it certainly doesn't feel like it right now.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2013
steadychevy
♂ Member
Member # 42608
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know exactly what you mean. I am much older than you. I, apparently, have never been worth fighting for. Not worth fighting for with her family and nor worth fighting for now. At the least insignificant situation my FWW would disappear and abandon me with her family. Mostly her mother and brother. No defense. No support. One of her sisters did support me but not my wife - too traumatic.

Now after my WW has committed adultery for over 3 years with a COW (co-worker) she will fold after any little st back, any little obstacle. Our marriage, me, is not worth fighting for. Nor worth going the extra mile for. She would bail for any reason after 37 years of marriage.

This is what I think. I am worth fighting for. I was and am a good husband - far from perfect - but a good husband. I was always home. My wife and my family (three wonderful daughters) were the most important thing in my life after Jesus Christ, my Lord. I spent time, quality time, with my wife and children. I was active in my community and my church. I was active professionally (President of my professional association). But, most importantly, I was home with my family. They thrived and all three daughters are professionals in their own right and, I am proud to say, strong community members and contributors to society and life.

I think, too, that you are worth fighting for. You are a jewel. You are worth fighting for. The fault does not lie with you. It lies with him as, in my case, it lies with her. He is broken. You are not. 100% of infidelity lies with the wayward. Issues in marriage are shared although not equally, IMO. If one brings undisclosed baggage to the marriage there can not be an equal sharing.

You are worth fighting for. You are not disposable. You are valuable. You are valuable as a mother and a member of society. It is the problem of the wayward when they can not see that.

I am so sorry for your pain and the situation you are in. I wish there was something that I could do to ease your suffering. There is not. Just know that I heard you. Please look after yourself. Your son and your daughter need you. We need you. We need you to be safe and a loving, caring parent to your cildren. God bless.


BH(me)63
WW-57
M 37 years
DDay1-09/1/13;DDay2-10/13;DDay3 12/19/13
LTA-09/02-11/02 EA;12/02-?/06 PA
OM -COW
"dates" w/3 former lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment;years of lies, denial

Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((numb2014))

Sorry. Try to think of it like this. Know you know HE is not worth fighting for. You have a lot of other things in your life that are good. Focus on those.

Give yourself the night to cry and take in the pain. Try to sleep.

Tomorrow. Wake up and take some control back. Set up a preliminary appointment with an attorney. Take that power back.

It sounds silly, but I spent those dark times thinking about how good I was at mowing my lawn. How I can make the best pasta sauce. Everybody has that one thing they do great and know it.

Validating yourself can be scary and uncomfortable. I get that. You keep working at it.

Hold a hand on your chest and speak that " I am going to be OK. I am a good human being. I am worth the love that I can give myself."

Again it sounds corny, but it did seem to help me at times.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2559 | Registered: May 2010
missingmyhubby
♀ Member
Member # 43723
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, June 30th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you sweetie. I went through 3 months of my husband leaving me every weekend (the whole weekend) to hang with his "buddies". I still have no proof that he was actually with her, but who are we kidding?

I spent every one of those nights crying, alone with just my kids (although i held it together until they went to bed) and i was just plain broken. I couldnt sleep, i couldnt eat, i just cried and cried and thought about what they were doing. Up until recently i would text him while he was gone and beg, plead, nag, and pour my heart out. Once i stopped (which was extremely hard) he started texting me, which lead to me getting satisfaction out of it and i got stronger and stopped crying so much. He eventually got the hint and started becoming interested in why i "wasnt hurting" ( i was, trust me ) but it lead to him staying home and eventually to talking and now to NC with the OW.

Cry all you need to, but dont give him the satisfaction of knowing how bad it hurts you. It was my biggest mistake. Do what you need to do to grieve but dont let him know you are bothered. Hopefully he will wake up and see that you are doing okay without him and he will be attracted to you being so strong and mysterious.

Good luck hun, i am here if you need to talk. Been there done that.


Together 13 years
Married 7
Me: 27
Him: 26
3 kids, 1 on the way
D-Day May 1, 2014

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jun 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So last night, after he left and my son left, it was just me and dd. My best friend came over and we just sat and talked for about an hour. around 9pm, she left. i noticed that he was not home yet. Normally, he is home by 9pm at the latest. I figured he was staying out late with her because our 14 year old son was not home to notice something was up (as if he didn't already notice...) I tried my best to not think about it. About what he was doing. at 10pm I get a text from him, telling me that he stopped by a friends house. I responded with "thanks for sharing, but what you do is not my concern anymore. Roommates only" and he never responded. Woke up this morning and he was asleep on the couch. Up until this point, we had been sharing a bed, so I was a little happy to see that he chose the couch, and a little more hurt. Its a confusing time. I don't want to reconcile. But I didn't want this to happen. I wanted us to be the couple that was made stronger because of all of this. I wanted to know that I was worth fighting for.

I texted him because I do not want to know what he's doing, who hes with. I don't need a play by play anymore. I don't need him to feel like he owes me an explanation anymore. He said it's done, so it's done. I don't need him checking in with me anymore, because frankly, I need to move on, and I cannot move on if some days he decides he wants to treat me like a wife and some days he wants to laugh in my face and tell me I drove him to this. I just want 100% no contact unless it is absolutely necessary.

My new motto is "one day at a time". I am in control of my emotions, NOT HIM.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh.

In-house separations simply don't work. They're like an endurance test - not for the feint of heart.

Is there a plan for the very near future that one of you will be moving out?

Good luck to you.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1807 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never Again, yes, he will be moving out August 18. I am trying to be a amicable as possible, so I gave him a 2 week extension of the state requirement 30 days to get his shit together. It will be tough, but we have been living miserably together for 3 years anyways, so whats an additional 18 days. Once he's out, he's OUT. I can wash my hands and move on. It does suck.

I am trying to force myself to eat. I had a good 40lbs to lose anyways, so I guess this will be my jump start. starting the gym tonight. I need to do things that make ME feel good.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
missingmyhubby
♀ Member
Member # 43723
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I must say i admire your decision not to R. I only wish i could have been that strong when my d-day came. You have more strength than you realize just for making that decision. I am not sure i could ever be that strong, although i'd love to. Was it his decision to move out, or did you kick him out? Either way, the fact that you are putting your foot down and not letting him string you along is wonderful.

good luck with these next few weeks, hun. I can only imagine how hard it will be. Please keep us updated. I will be thinking of you.


Together 13 years
Married 7
Me: 27
Him: 26
3 kids, 1 on the way
D-Day May 1, 2014

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jun 2014
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never Again, yes, he will be moving out August 18. I am trying to be a amicable as possible, so I gave him a 2 week extension of the state requirement 30 days to get his shit together. It will be tough, but we have been living miserably together for 3 years anyways, so whats an additional 18 days.

Well I think 18 days of hell is a really long time. Of him throwing the A in your face, leaving you in tears.

Why would you be "amicable" with him and subject yourself to 18 more days of emotional abuse??

Id tell him you changed your mind. I just hate to see you and your kids exposed to such horrible treatment for even a day more.


Posts: 440 | Registered: Feb 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just feel like I can either give in on this, and not endure another 30 days of him doing everythign in his power to make my life hell teh next 30 days. He texted me today:

"I really think we can both grow and be more successful separated. You can be yourself with dd. And I can be myself with dd. We can both give her completely different examples for how to be successful contributing members of society. You are more free will and free spirited and more artsy lol I'm more military live by the schedule die by the schedule. We can both teacher her how we really are and she can be more like one of us or she can master both of us and she can be 50/50 us all our best qualities and she will run the world. I don't what to fight and I don't want to argue. We are different and that's ok. We are both amazing people. I will stop using over 700$ of your income. And you can really flourish without the weight of me financially. I'm asking you to help me get it under control and be patient and don't let me miss any payments or anything please. But mainly i need to stop looking over my shoulder. I need to know you won't do anything that will hurt my future. You have mentioned several ways you could do that but I'm asking you to help me. I need to know you’re not looking through my stuff in any way and not looking for reasons to get mad and ruin my career".

It just hurts that I'm not worth the fight. Some other girl who helps him with his homework is though...

[This message edited by Numb2014 at 2:36 PM, July 1st (Tuesday)]


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just with I was worth teh fight. I wish I was loved the way I loved. that he loved me the way I loved him.

I don't understand why he made plans for our future as recent as Monday. We were discussing bills, and he was mapping out with me our finances so that we could finally get a house next year. He was at Lowes last weekend looking for things to make repairs to the house. All the while he had a girlfriend, who he still denies even though I showed him my proof. He keeps saying "I don't have a girlfriend, I didn't cheat. Those emails aren't what they look like but it's not worth explaining". My brother said its because he doesn't care about this girl so to him, he's not invested. but I can guarantee he is moving in with her come august.....

I started teh day off strong. Now I am sitting at my desk, struggling to not cry. I just want to go home, in my room and just cry hysterically.

[This message edited by Numb2014 at 2:48 PM, July 1st (Tuesday)]


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
missingmyhubby
♀ Member
Member # 43723
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get what you mean by wanting to be loved the way you loved. That is what was hardest for me. Why wasnt i worth every ounce of his love? For years i was and then all of a sudden it stopped. Although we are working on R and he has started showing me love again, he is still being very cautious as am i.

I obviously dont know your H but why do i have a feeling he will crawl back to you like a sad puppy. What would you do? Are you sticking with D or would you give it a chance?


Together 13 years
Married 7
Me: 27
Him: 26
3 kids, 1 on the way
D-Day May 1, 2014

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jun 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This was his second chance. He cheated and left me when I was pregnant 5 years ago. I took him back after I divorced him. So, no. I couldn't take him back. I have a LOT of people holding me accountable too. That's the other piece that makes this hard. It's iver. Forever. There are no third chances. He fucked up his last chance. It wasn't a gift to him. It was something he used as a stepping stone to get to the "next level".


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
missingmyhubby
♀ Member
Member # 43723
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs))) this has to be extremely hard, but the worst is over sweetie. You can only go up from here. I wish i had your strength, please keep us updated.


Together 13 years
Married 7
Me: 27
Him: 26
3 kids, 1 on the way
D-Day May 1, 2014

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jun 2014
Topic Posts: 22
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