I feel what your feeling here, its so difficult.
I needed to know everything, every detail but now it haunts me but I felt I could not move forward knowing that he shared something with the OW that I knew nothing about.
My OH hates talking about it too, he justs wants to 'get on' 'move forward' but its not as simple as that, us women are inquisitive beings and we delve and analyse everything sometimes to our detriment.
Only you will know what's right for you, everyone is different.
I find I throw some of the things he told me back in his face at times which I know isn't productive but im only human.
If you want to know 'everything' just be prepared for some things that will utterly devastate you, I hated hearing it but I respected that my OH was brutally honest with me.
Only you will know what is right for you, there is no right or wrong and no easy solution to get through this. Good luck. x
Tell him how you feel. Let him see your pain and anger. He needs to see the damage his actions have caused. It has nothing to do with punishing him. You have been traumatized..stuffing your feelings will have severe, negative consequences.
This is a 2-5 year process. And the first few months are usually spent talking about the affair.
If he is truly remorseful, then he won't expect you to not talk about it.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I suggest thinking about your motivation for asking your questions.
If you think an answer will help you heal, ask your Q, whatever it is.
If you think you're asking to make him feel bad, instead of asking a Q, try out saying something like, 'I'm furious that you did (fill in the blank)!' That may be more satisfying to you.
IMO, you'll probably have multiple goals for many questions. Go with the more important one - if you mainly want info, ask; If you mainly want to shame him, don't ask.
Remember that you can't unlearn what you hear, so be sure you want an answer if you ask the question - but don't hold back if you want the answer.
Now is a time to test your WS's willingness to meet your needs. Don't stifle yourself.
Don't worry about asking the same question multiple times. The answers are often so awful that they can't be taken in at once.
Your H's desire not to talk about his A seems normal to me. His willingness to answer is a strong positive for R, IMO.
Get a couple of books and give them to him so that HE can see that what you are asking for is reasonable and will help you heal. I've read "Not just Friends" and "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" both of which I'd recommend.