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Newest Member: new2this2 (45757)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What is the new narrative after the A?
♀ Member
Member # 42195
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Immediately after DDay, I told a very small number of friends what had happened. Only one of them responded in a way that could be perceived as blaming me for my H's actions. She actually told me to "go home and put on make up, get dressed up, and win him back." Yep, she actually said that. But she is from a different country and very different culture from my own, and it just struck me as comic relief, even in that moment.

Her response, so natural coming from her background, was so absurd coming from mine, that it seemed more amusing than offensive.

I think it is a fascinating topic to look at how societal expectations and beliefs affect the process of healing from infidelity. This thread is a great reminder that even within my own culture, there seems to be a pretty broad interpretation of how society views infidelity, for either partner. That realization is helpful, because as much as I "know better", I DO struggle with the feeling that I will be seen as weak, or pitiful in some way, for staying married to someone who could betray me. It's a hangup I'm trying to shake, but it's not easy.

Me (BW): 40
Married: 15 years
3 kids
D-Day: 10/13

Posts: 164 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ Member
Member # 40181
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I probably won't be back on again tonight. My wife just invited me to spend time with her on the couch and have dessert. As good a conversation as this is, the priorities are are pretty easy to figure out!

Me: WH
Her: BW
Dday 7/11/13
"May you be protected from hearts that are not humble, tongues that are not wise and eyes that have forgotten how to cry."

Posts: 256 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Enjoy your dessert.....I have read all the comments here...
I have listened to you all...I can only add that at the end of the day I am the BS choosing to stay with my H one else ...not society...not Hollywood not SI can write this story or how it is ours to write...
That CARPENTER though ....he's with us on this journey....and has been all along
you guys are all well spoken and well versed...
I'm an Italian I speak with my hands!
The one thing I have learned on this journey is to be a good listener....I hear you all and I appreciate what you have all said!

3 adult children 1D 2S
LTA 06-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr

Posts: 678 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
♀ Member
Member # 44154
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Thank you so much for what you said. This will stick with me in the times that I have doubts about R.

Me: BW, 28
Him: WH, 28
DDAY 7/4/14 TT till 7/18/14

"Reconciliation means working together to correct the legacy of past injustice." - Nelson Mandela

Posts: 249 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad I revisited this. . . That made me smile! You are welcome.

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2158 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

who do Betrayed people get to be in our society after infidelity?

Unlike the WS the BS remain "people of Integrity"

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2134 | Registered: Nov 2011
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely spot on WAL. (How very nice to see you. :))

Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5149 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 67
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