Did I do okay? I sensed this was coming, and I actually feel relieved. I immediately told my H exactly what I told all of you. Should I have saved it for my husband to read? Should I have forwarded it to my husband?
I want to start our reconciliation off on the right foot and I am committed to the NC agreement. It's over; completely over.
I know this is normal and I just have to accept it, but it is really hard when my H lashes out at me. really hard. I know I have a lot more of it coming, maybe several months. When he lashes out at me, it's like a crescendo and I can feel it coming, and it is so awful. He hasn't called me names, but basically I'm a whore. I'm not defending myself or saying anything when he does this. I'm just listening and nodding my head. I'm not telling him to stop or anything like that. I'm just telling you all that it is really awful. I know I brought this upon myself and I only have myself to blame.
[This message edited by tangledknot at 2:07 PM, July 1st (Tuesday)]
The other reason I deleted it from my trash bin is so that I can't read it over and over and over again. I don't want to memorize it; I don't want to obsess. I'm trying to expunge him from my soul.
[This message edited by tangledknot at 2:25 PM, July 1st (Tuesday)]
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
You did a great job by going to your husband and telling him that the OM contacted you. However, I do agree with the others as it is still wayward behavior. You deleted the message when you had time to delete it and then you contacted your husband. I remember doing what you did and deleted all the messages I sent at work, because I did not want to see it and if i deleted it, it didn't feel as real.
Now, you have to figure out what you will do if he tries to contact you again, even if he says he won't. You have to have a plan. I remember running away when I saw OM come into my job, and I hid until he left. He then later, told my boss, that he did not like that I did that, so for me to keep it professional, I did not run, when that was my instinct, and i stayed on the other side, no eye contact, no communication and that was something BBF and I came up with together. Best of luck!
I Am Strong! I Am Beautiful! I Am Smart! I Am Worthy!
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?