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Newest Member: hewaseverything (44947)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Triggersville!! Took me by surprise.
watersofavalon
♀ Member
Member # 37984
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost exactly 2 yrs since Dday. Been up and down but mostly up recently. We are doing reasonably well. I thought we were nearly there.... Which is why I was so shocked by my reaction to a stupid tv programme on Sunday. Man in an affair for several years and his wife found out - he was happy to leave her and their 4 kids for ow. So what? It's just a tv drama! But boy I triggered hard! Shouting at the tv, crying, sobbing. H was actually scared to touch me. I was so embarrassed at myself. Where did that come from? I thought I was over that stuff


Me - BW 49
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years

3 children from 11 to 17.

EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.

Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?

Getting there!


Posts: 86 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: UK
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But boy I triggered hard!

Gently, that makes perfect sense to me. The nature of triggers is that they sneak up on you and bite. Your response is (probably) just residual pain coming out.

(((watersofavalon)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10085 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tv ....movies....music....all innocent culprits....this stuff didn't use to bother me....but that was then and this now....
we are going to a screening of a movie called 'The Song' next week....based on the story of Solomon....we watched the trailor today....oh boy it's got infidelity in it I'm sure...but we know it and we are going anyway...I will be eating popcorn with butter and process my way through it!


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 516 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey there. I'm over my 2 year mark, and right now, my FWH has a bruise on his arm that is almost healed, because my PTSD got triggered wildly and in trying to escape, I went by, actually through, him so hard that I bruised his arm. For which I apologized profusely when my sanity returned. The nature of triggers is that they hit you hard from out of no-where. Hopefully, you were able to process it and the next time, you won't trigger so hard. I know that we had a long heart-to-heart talk after my trigger to figure out how to handle things if that flares up again. And we were both able to figure out exactly what triggered me, so we've made some changes in our lives that will hopefully minimize the likelihood of this happening again. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Triggers have a way of taking us by surprise. Sometimes it is something that is so obscure you may even ask why it caused a trigger. I am starting my 5th year and still have triggers. From what you explained, I am not surprised it caused a trigger. I am JUST now able to start listening to music due to triggers. Have patience with yourself. It is part of the roller coaster.

Hugs to you.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1596 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
mbbd
♀ Member
Member # 41828
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The triggers that you don't see coming hit me harder all the time. I can anticipate something hitting me hard like a place or time that relates to a fact of the affair. I think you may have been especially upset because it derailed what your plans were for relaxing and it just sucks that you have to deal with this. I get it. It was good that you let it out.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2013
watersofavalon
♀ Member
Member # 37984
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your replies

Weird thing is I am still upset by it - when I think about it my heart speeds up and I feel sick. I apologised to H later - he doesn't deserve that now after all that time and work he has done. He replied that he was the one who should be apologising every day.

When I was crying he came over to put his arms around me but he said i was scared to as you were shouting and so angry. I told him I wasn't shouting at him but his reply was 'yes you were'. And he was right I guess. I was just shouting at anyone and everyone who had ever done this to anyone else.


Me - BW 49
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years

3 children from 11 to 17.

EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Dday 26/6/2012.

Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?

Getting there!


Posts: 86 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 7

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