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Newest Member: Sunnyhopeful82 (45341)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I got my first job in 16 years today...
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I'm both excited and terrified.

It's been a while since I've been here. Things have been going very well. The biggest thing being that H and I communicate better than ever. However, after the A I began thinking hard about how things can change in an instant and how I could not support myself if the unthinkable should happen again.

And today I got a job offer, right now it's not much but it's in my dream industry and the possibilities are endless. I may even be able to finish school in a few years!!!

I'm just scared of the strain it will put on our marriage. With 6 kids (3 in fall sports), my volunteer work and now a 30+ hour a week job it's going to take a LOT of adjustment. That is the scary part and as excited as I am I can't help but be a little apprehensive about how it will all work out.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you!!

I hope the new job is fun and rewarding for you.

Be careful not to give away all of you though, save some time for you !!


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great news for you! Proud of you.

Some unsolicited advice...no one is expecting you to be Super Woman (except maybe you!). So definitely take a look and see where some time savings can occur. Cooking big meals or several meals at a time on days off can help save $ and time during the week ( you can warm something up vs. ordering convenience meals).


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for YOU! I'm so proud of you! Heck, if you weren't nervous, then you would be abnormal! Change can be good, but it's still change, and change is stressful in of itself.

I would highly, highly suggest that you and your WH sit down for a real heart-to-heart talk about running the household. I have something a little radical for you two to consider. You are now working 30 hours a week. I'm going to make the assumption that your WH works 40 hours a week. 40-30 10 hours a week. You "owe" the household 10 hours a week doing stuff that keeps the house running grocery shopping, cleaning, mowing the lawn, running the kids to the doctors, whatever. Then you two are "even."

All of the rest of the stuff that it takes to run a household should, IMO, be split by the two of you. That means that WH may have to do some cleaning. May have to run the kids to soccer and music practice. May have to stop by the dry cleaners, then do a pickup at the grocery store, then come home and wash a load of laundry. Or, it may mean that you hire out some of those chores, or task your children with chores that they are responsible for.

You can't do it all. You shouldn't even try to do it all. Put your foot down on this early and often, get that list of chores split up, and insist that each person does their share. Yeah, it may mean that the dusting isn't as good as you want, and the folded laundry isn't as precise as you would do it. You have to farm out or hire out some of the chores/errands/etc., that you were doing because now, you are working outside of the house and bringing home money as a contribution to your household. That deserves respect and it deserves you having your "off" time as well. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4926 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations!

That is great for you. I agree....sit down with H and have a game plan.

Enjoy the moment!


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! Skan gave some excellent advice. It is important that WH knows the expectation and his expected role in helping with the kids and house. You need to do this for you...great job!


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all!! Wonderful advice! I knew this was the place I needed to come for understanding and support. :)


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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