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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It just hit me
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's moving in with her. My children will be exposed to her. I will have to drive to "their" place together. I was replaceable.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Numb)))


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Gotmegood
♀ Member
Member # 41407
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh, I'm so sorry. It will be so hard I'm sure, to buck up for your kids, but I'm certain you can do it. And guess what, HE is replaceable too.


Me: faithful wife 62.
Him: WH 64 , prostitute 20 yr old
DDay: 8-13-2013
Status: boinging up and down like a yo-yo

Posts: 525 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Florida
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear ya. My friends and co workers tell me I won't have a problem replacing him but, he's my first EVERYTHING. the only man I've ever dated, kissed, slept with, etc. high school sweethearts. I've never dated. I'm 32 and have no idea how to date. It'll be so awkward.

Ok rambling. I have a feeling I'll be on a lot tonight. I think I'm gonna plan a girls karaoke night this week.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
Numb2014
♀ Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess this should tell me something, but since me and him have been together, he's been with an additional 5-6 girls THAT I KNOW OF. Since we've started dating. That's a lot of Breakups and cheating in 14 years. I know this is for the best. But it fucking sucks.


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
bigskyblues
♂ Member
Member # 36759
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Numb,

And guess what, HE is replaceable too.
This!

You and your child deserve so much better, and believe me better does exist.

Wish you the best!
BSB


BH 50s
xWW 50s

Dday1 7-2012
Dday2 8-2012
Divorce 9-2012

4 kids all adults.

Married 22+ years.

I have moved on and life is good!


Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2012
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ this IS the truth

I know how you feel. I really do.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Daddo
♂ Member
Member # 4504
Default  Posted: 3:22 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No!!

You are not replaceable!

A step parent is never, ever the same as flesh and blood. If you and your children are lucky the OW will be nice, a sympathetic adult, a responsible sitter, maybe a teacher - but never your children's mother.


Besides which, she won't last. You will be your children's rock and protector. You can do this. I know it is hard, but it will get better.

32 - I wish I was 32. You're a baby, you life is still ahead of you.


It's just so sad
But I'm moving on feeling better

Posts: 2519 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Cupertino, CA
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw..geez. Whenever the WS makes another move towards the AP & away from you it feels like a slap in the face. It hurts but today I want you to put a smile on your face & here's why...
His fantasyland is now going to crash because moving in with her will show him he just replaced the most beautiful person in his life with a very poor stand-in. Fantasy will go away with reality of who she really is when dishes & laundry pile up & he will start to now see her for what she really is. You need to 180 hard & fast. Start NC with him, work on you, get support & counseling to decide if you will want to work later on R or replace him. Keep your smile for you know very soon he's about to find out he gave up someone really good!
JC


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 343 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Numb, (HUGS) . I too was abandoned for the affair partner. I know how much it hurts. I'm so very sorry you have to endure this. It is very much like experiencing a death of a loved one. Jersey Cowgirl has a VERY good insight! Read her post again and again.

Our self esteem takes such a beating after being abandoned/ rejected, I'm praying for healing for you. I think you're doing a very good thing for yourself to plan that karaoke night. Don't forget to sing "Hold on " by Wilson Phillips, "Nothing Broken" by Celine Dion , "Survivor" by Destiny's child, "Problem" by Iggy, "I will survive" ,"He wasn't man enough" by Tony Braxton, and "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele.

And I have to correct you, dear Numb, HE IS THE ONE WHO IS REPLACEABLE.


Posts: 303 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. My WH moved out on Dday and did the "waffling" thing over who he loved.

The betrayal and sense of abandonment is overwhelming. I know how earth-shattering it is.

It helped me to remain focused, as much as I could, to helping my kids through this nightmare. Their world has been shattered too and they need you. They will feel abandoned too. Your WH is a fool if he thinks you are "replaceable" but don't ever believe you are. As written above, you are NEVER replaceable to your kids. They need you. You will be their rock. You are the one they know won't abandon them. Be there for them and take care of yourself first and foremost.

You deserve better than a serial cheater and I know you know that! Your kids deserve a better role model. I know that doesn't make this pain any easier. It just plain sucks. I am so sorry he's turned into such a jerk. It's so very hard to wrap your mind around, I know.

Please be good to yourself. You are a wonderful person. Remember that!!!!! He does not define you!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 735 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
LonelyHusband
♂ Member
Member # 34145
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's moving in with her. My children will be exposed to her. I will have to drive to "their" place together. I was replaceable.

If you throw away the steak on your plate and put some dog shit on there instead, you have "replaced" the steak. Doesn't mean it's a good idea, doesn't mean the steak should blame itself. The steak is still a steak. Unique, perfect. The dog shit is still dog shit. He may have "replaced" you but sooner or later he's going to ask himself why his life stinks and why everything tastes suspiciously like shit.

Everyone is "replaceable". His loss, your gain. Congratulations, your life now has one less loser in it. All that's happened is that the dog shit has been scraped from your plate. One day you'll wake up and realise that the air is a little fresher in your world. Once you have your life back on the rails you may find a new steak yourself.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 4:27 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]


BS ( me) 41
fWS (OktoberMest) 35
D day #1 29/10/2011, D day #2 15/112011, D day #3 15/03/2012
Reconciling.
“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, is inadequate consolation when you vacuum up a child's hamster'

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Numb2104, you cannot be replaced because you are the real deal. You are the first and will only be the authentic wife and mother to your children. She (OW) is a fake and an artificial sexual aide to pacify his authentic suckiness. He wants another means, he did you a favor in many ways because we don’t want people who don’t want us. You were not replaced, that would be like taking a motor out of a brand new Ford F150 truck and replacing it with a kitchen mixer. It might still do things, but it is not what was supposed to be there. As for his life moving forward, well, he will always remember how lame he was and she will help him, help him remember he choose the kitchen mixer over something far more appropriate for the purpose and so far more capable of driving and operating this family he still wants. Who knows, in a year or so when the rainbows and unicorns of the affair fun wears off and he cannot sleep and he cannot eat and his job sucks and he starts thinking about his spiritual condition, he might come begging. By that time, you will have met someone like me, already on my way to recovery waiting for someone precious to love and cherish and care for until death do us part. I wish you well.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 629 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL, Lonely Husband, your analogy of replacing steak with dog shit is so original, funny, and yet so true! Thanks for making me see it in that light. Never thought of it that way, I'm glad you enlightened me a bit.

Posts: 303 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Numb...down the road when she becomes 'replaceable,' he'll probably do the same thing to her.

The guy is a serial cheater. Period.

The mistake many OW make is thinking that they're so damned special that he'd NEVER cheat on them. You'd be amazed at how many of them find out quite differently.

As I always say, when a man ends up with his other woman, she leaves a vacancy.

Sit back, grab some popcorn, and watch the show. It may happen right away, it may not be 2 months from now or a year from now. But it will happen. He's still the same lying cheater he always was and eventually, he'll do the same to her.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1887 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 15

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