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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 10 days in and struggling.
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't disappear. There are other topics here including General which is where you may migrate to now given the situation when other issues arise (and they WILL arise), or someday Reconciled (but not now, you AREN'T reconciled -- you've just heard her say she wants to start).

The posters here are smart (well, maybe not me) and have had many years of collective experience. You aren't the first one down this path and won't be the last. Save yourself doubt and agony by reading here and applying the appropriate lessons. Worked with the "stand firm" suggestions so far, hasn't it?

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Their relationship was built on trying to help each other with their marriages, as strange as that sounds. But in the process things went way too far and they fell "in love".

You are only ten days out. So take a deep breath and do not do anything rash.

Just stay calm, talk to an attorney so you know your rights, and see your counselors to know if the marriage can be saved.

As for helping each other with their marriages.

That is a very common profile or "type" for someone prone to an affair.

These type of people insert themselves in the marriage, with the claim of trying to counsel the other person.

They then both start revealing personal details and complaining about their spouses. It is a very common pathway to an affair.

The complaining also creates a negative mindset of the marriage, often where there was none prior.

So, it may sound odd, but the "helping" thing is very common.

Going forward, if you hear of some opposite sex friend counseling your wife, claiming to want to help her save her marriage, be very wary of that person.

ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
♂ New Member
Member # 43948
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, July 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I believe the advice given here has been very helpful so far in setting the foundation for our attempt at R. I do plan to stick around the forums. I realize we have a long road ahead and we are at the very beginning. In the short term I believe our hopes at R rest on the ability of my wife to make a clean break from her AP. All I can do is stress how important that is to me and let her know what the consequences will be if she is dishonest with me again. Based on the advice given here I think I have done both of those things.

Me: BH - mid-30s
Her: WW - mid-30s (EA & PA w/ coworker, ~5 months)
Married 11 years, together 14
D-days 6/20/2014 & 7/2/2014 (continued EA)

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Midwest, USA
Topic Posts: 123
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