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User Topic: rings?
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is not necessarily another *do you still wear your ring* thread.

Im interested in the meaning our wedding rings have to us.

I dont know if its a male / female thing. or a WS / BS thing. or just a individual thing.

Is a wedding just a lump of gold? Just a shiny bit of jewelry? or is it something more?

Is a wedding a symbol of commitment to a spouse and the M and something to be deeply proud of?

For me. Im not a jewelry kind of guy. BUT I was deeply proud of my wedding band. I was SO HAPPY to be M to my wife. I was committed to her and what that M meant. My ring was a symbol of her commitment to that and her ring was a symbol of my commitment to the M. So my ring was much more than simple jewelry to me.

Is it different for men / women or WS / BS?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
BrokenheartedWif
♀ Member
Member # 40955
Angry  Posted: 12:18 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The engagement ring was a promise, and the wedding ring represented his vow to me, and his was my vow to him. Since he could F**k her for 16 plus years his promise and vow were worthless as tits on a bull, and don't mean anything to me except his betrayal.

My vow to him, which is still intact, meant nothing to him, since he wore it while he put his hands all over her fake, fat body, and then in her slimy c**t with it on his hand. He's tarnished it and I don't ever want to see it again. He carries it in his pocket to remind him he's married Why now when the marriage and I didn't matter before.


He claims he loved me the whole time of his LTA. I'm not sure I'll survive his kind of love.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Central IN
LostButInLove
♀ New Member
Member # 43926
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ring meant the world to me. It was a symbol of our love, our twelve years of commitment. In fact, it would piss me off when men would hit on me when I was wearing my ring. How dare you disrespect my marriage? It was invaluable to me. I loved wearing it but feared loosing it because it was a bazillion dollar ring to me. I took it off the day he told me. And even if we reconcile, I don't know that I will ever put it on again.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Far from home
ThrownAwayTwice
♀ Member
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I loved my wedding ring. To me, it was a symbol of the commitment we had made. The love that we shared. The life we were building. It was rather shiny, so people would notice. It always gave me a jolt of pride getting to tell them that this was my wedding ring, that my husband chose it for me.
My other rings, from his grandmother, still mean so much to me. But that is more about me being a part of their family. And that hasn't changed or been tainted.


BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
No clue what current status is.. kind of don't care...


Posts: 58 | Registered: Apr 2014
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wore my ring on and off throughout our M. Sometimes I took it off b/c it got in the way of something I was cooking and then just forgot to put it back on. I did put it on whenever I would go on work trips though. Very conscious of that. It wasn't so much that the ring meant something to me, but more of making sure I'm not putting out the single vibes when I was away from home.

Funny, now the ring seems to have more importance to me in that I can't bear to wear it at all. It's more symbolic to me as a symbol of loss than it ever was as a symbol of M. I'm wondering if that will lessen in time...


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 494 | Registered: Jan 2014
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wore no other jewelry, but was proud to wear my ring. I will wear it till the final hearing, and when the judge declares the M over I will take it off and throw it in a box with other mementoes for the time being.

My ring is wide and was uncomfortable and did not fit well the first couple of years of the M, but then my finger adjusted to it as I adjusted to the M. Lately, I have noticed that hand being and finger being sore again.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 12:54 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4129 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
HeartFullOfHoles
♂ Member
Member # 42874
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We found a ring we liked for me at a custom jewelry shop, but couldn't find anything she liked that matched. I worked with the jeweler and custom designed my STBXWW ring set. They are inscribed with "true companions" and our initials. So our rings were never just lumps of gold to me. Part of who I am is in her ring and I was proud of that. I am still married so I wear my ring, but it has certainly felt different since her EA.


BH - Divorcing
D-Day 4/28-29/2012
Two daughters in HS

Posts: 141 | Registered: Mar 2014
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im kinda hoping a WS contributes to this thread.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
tearingaway
♂ Member
Member # 28618
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wore my wedding ring every day until D-Day. I stopped wearing it and then it got lost somehow. I have no desire to wear one again.

My WW wears her wedding ring, but now I look at it with disdain because she was wearing it while the mOM was screwing her.

For me, the ring was a sign of our commitment to one another. When that was broken down, the ring became meaningless to me.


Posts: 323 | Registered: May 2010
Lark
♀ Member
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wedding ring was very symbolic to me, of my love, of our history, of our future, of our vows, of our commitments. Of something material to hold onto and cling in the rough moments.

My husband's was symbolic at the beginning. He took the ring off the first few times he was with the OW. He stopped taking it off. I guess that alone speaks volumes.


"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul." - William Ernest Henley

Posts: 515 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
TheGivingTree
♀ New Member
Member # 43672
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Funny, now the ring seems to have more importance to me in that I can't bear to wear it at all. It's more symbolic to me as a symbol of loss than it ever was as a symbol of M. I'm wondering if that will lessen in time...

This is exactly how I feel. I took all my rings off last November, when he broke a commitment to me on his recovery/12 step work. That he could so easily put his ring in his wallet when he went to f**k her, that she knew he was married, that he sent me and the kids away while taking her to a $200 a night hotel, and then when he said wanted me and our marriage but didn't do the work he committed to, I decided that the rings no longer meant anything. Even though we are trying to reconcile, and he is now doing the work, I'm not sure if I will ever be able to wear those same rings. Which is a shame, because I loved my antique engagement ring, and the custom made wedding band to match.


Me: FBW, 48. Him: SAFWH, 57 (SFGary)
3 fantastic kids: DS 16, DS 15, DD 10
DDay 1: 1/8/13, multiple DDays with TT for an entire year.

Working hard at R.
If all you wanted was love, why would you use me up, cut me down, build a boat and sail aw


Posts: 42 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: San Francisco
lostcovenants
♀ Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The other night, after learning my husband lied to me (again) about something STUPID, and then lied about lying, I took my rings off and handed them to him. I don't know why I did it - it just seemed right. I now have a 37 year old indent in my ring finger - with nothing in it. It feels very odd - but not as odd as wearing a ring in a half-assed relationship.

He wore his ring through all the years of cheating. He took it off for a few months last year before D-Day, because "it was uncomfortable" and he "kept forgetting" to put in back on. Now he admits at the time he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore. I can understand that feeling now. After the latest lie my ring was feeling "uncomfortable" too.

NOTE TO ALL WSs out there: For God's sake don't lie to your BS about ANYTHING. Don't omit things on purpose - FYI that is LYING. If you don't know what a lie is - look in the dictionary!!!

Jeeze - forgot to answer the question! My ring meant a lot to me - committment, love, eternity. I was proud to wear it, proud to show I was married, I was not available, don't flirt with me, etc. Now, meh!

[This message edited by lostcovenants at 5:12 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday)]


BS 60; fWH 59; 2 children, 1 grandchild; Married 37+ years, he is my only; D-day 7/8/13; Married OW, PA 2009-2011; sexting with same MOW 2012-2013. Broke it off about a week before I found out.

Update-Sexting on cheating forums 14 YEARS. Idiot me


Posts: 161 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
OverIt27
♀ New Member
Member # 43902
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me it was a symbol of our love and commitment. Now that I know he wore it while with her, it means nothing to me, and neither of us are wearing one anymore.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jun 2014
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We exchanged those rings, each saying

"Thake this ring, as a symbol of my love and fidelity"

Which is why I took that ring off and never wore it again.

We renewed our vows about 5 years ago, I got a pretty shiny new one, but more importantly, with a more meaningful and real commitment.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3618 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor, you said you'd like a reply from a WS. This is my point of view looking back at when I was M.

Having been very immature when I got married, and having no grasp of the covenant aspect of the marriage, my rings were purely symbolic of the fact that I was legally married. I liked them, ostensibly because they were pretty, but (sadly) they held no more profound meaning to me other than that a ring was what you wore when you were married.

Those rings went to the pawn shop after the divorce was filed.

My XH, despite quite understandably wanting the divorce, still has his wedding ring. He told me even this past weekend that it still means a lot to him to have it.

We have purchased new wedding rings for our impending remarriage. New rings for a new start.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciled and remarried.


Posts: 2135 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
Raspberry
♀ Member
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My.engagement ring and wedding band mean the world to me. Im a bit heavier than I was pre pregnancy so they dont.fit but I always wore them with pride.

When my asshole husband decided to cheat on me (while pregnant) with hookers.....his rings don't mean shit to me. Why? Because if he took it off before the encounter, he was being a scumbag.....and if he left it on its more.disrespectful to me. So whichever way he did it, he loses.


Posts: 116 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
heme
♀ Member
Member # 40684
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To me they symbolized the commitment and our family. I have to admit I didn't wear them that often because it was a problem (I didn't calculate in children and my ring kept cutting my kiddos when I played with them) but anytime my husband was away Id make sure to have them on. If I was going somewhere without him I wore them. Basically I wore them as a sign of "Im taken, not available" not that it worked. I still got hit on but at least I knew I was doing what I could to avoid being hit on.

Now? Ill never wear those rings again. What obviously meant a lot to me and they meant nothing to him. I actually can't stand the fact that he wears his ring still..

Interesting enough, his right actually cracked right down the back just prior to DDay. A sign of things to come maybe? Because DDay definitely cracked out family in half.


BS: Me (30)
WS: Husband (31)
Married 8 years, together 9
D-Day: Sept 10, 2013
D-Day2: May 31, 2014
Children: 5, ages 7, 5, 3, 1 and due in September

Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.


Posts: 205 | Registered: Sep 2013
Raspberry
♀ Member
Member # 42853
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And.sorry to thread jack but how can I quote someone? I wanted to quote somone in the previous.messages but dont know how.

Posts: 116 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Raspberry
Lark
♀ Member
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you post a message, there are a few options on the left - bold, italic, quote, and image. If you copy in the text into the textbox, then select it, and hit "quote" while it's selected, it'll put it in quotes

or, you could do [ quote ] and [ / quote ] with no spaces around the text.


"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul." - William Ernest Henley

Posts: 515 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
goingthru
♀ New Member
Member # 43648
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't wear jewelry, save for an occasional necklace or pair of earrings, but I wore my wedding band every day and was proud to. I was also proud of my H's band and the commitment our rings symbolized.

My WH started taking his off a few years ago and had various excuses for it: it was too small, it was itchy, it was getting in the way of work, etc.

Since reconciliation, he wears a ring that he bought when we were dating and calls it a wedding ring. I still wear my ring, and told him I would like him to wear his. Again with the excuses, so I ordered him another wedding band, to match mine/ours, in his size. He says it's too big.

My ring still means a lot to me (and I wear it out of respect for my marriage and my H), but not nearly as much as it used to, and less and less since I've been wearing it alone.


Me: BS 40
Him: WH 42
M 14 years, together 20
DS 8 and DD 6
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: New York
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