I told FWH if I am able to forgive I want to have them melted and remade as a way to symbolize that its the same ring but different. Just like our relationship. I don't know if I'll make it there but I'm hoping. :)
Today he wants to R and I do find it offensive if he removes his ring however I do not wear mine. Perhaps because now they represent commitment in my eyes. I do think I will need new rings, new vows, and a new start in order to wear wedding rings regularly again as my old ones are tainted with shame, pain, and decet.
I think the discusssion of rings is a good one for the beginning of any new relationship - perhaps I forgot to ask my WH all those years ago what the meaning was to him since he could so easily wear his ring as he was fishing for others.
Your character is what you do when you think no one is watching.
My WH wore his ring while having sex with OW. After a while she got jealous about it and asked him to not wear his ring around her. Then he would just leave it in the car whenever he was with her. It's all just so disgusting. I guess it meant nothing to him either way.
[This message edited by Tammy1 at 11:09 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]
But peers and cultural messages about the almighty ring become more important when you're a young adult, and I wore an engagement ring (cubic zirconia!) in a previous relationship mostly to show off!
WH and I didn't give it any discussion and I think we both assumed we'd wear wedding bands. We picked some out before the wedding and several months later WH surprised me with a non-traditional solitaire to go with my band.
For years this was the only jewelry I wore on a daily basis.
Now in my current peer group/area where I live virtually every married woman wears at least one ring, and most wear an engagement & wedding ring combo even if they're washing dishes or out on a 10 mile run. I'd stand out if I didn't wear mine.
When shortly after d-day I confided to my boss that I was dealing with a personal problem outside of work, the first thing he did was look at my ring finger.
So I wear my rings mostly because I don't want to invite any speculation or gossip about my marriage.
I still get compliments on my unconventional solitaire. It stings a little. I want to say "Thanks, but it means nothing."
Except for one Memorial Day trip to "Atlantic City" with "friends" during which he "forgot his ring", WH apparently wore his ring the entire time of the A. In fact, after OW stopped wearing her own (paid for by her daddy!) $20k wedding/engagment rings she bought her own ring to wear while she was out with my WH.
Is it different for men / women or WS / BS?
This is an interesting question. As a BW, I'm on the fence about my rings. My wedding ring is a plain band that was WH's grandmother's ring. Grandparents were married 67 years, and I loved the meaning of that. After WH's ONSs years ago, I told him I didn't want to wear it anymore, and haven't. Gave son original diamond to have reset when he became engaged. I occasionally wear a band with some small rubies WH gave me when things were really good.
WH quit wearing his ring when he had to have another ring cut off due to hands swelling in an allergic reaction. Wearing, not wearing his ring made no difference in whether or not he cheated. Durning his ONSs he was wearing it on his hand while touching the ho's. And in 2013, he wasn't wearing it. Obviously it has zero meaning for him.
I think I just answered my own self. Zero meaning for him...why should mine have meaning?
DDays: 12/11/13, 12/18/13, 12/27/13 (he's big on TT)
Also discovered he cheats with 2 women while we were engaged, 40 years after the fact.
Shortly before I had to leave, I got the ďI have to work lateĒ phone call that just didnít sit right with me. So I went to see him at work before going out. And what did I find? He was at work, but in his truck was a bag with his nicest clothes in it. Yep, he had them in there so he would look nice for her.
Now it sucks, on the occasions when I actually want to wear my ring, I have a flashback to that day along with the resentment that WH broke his vows.
The thing is when we were first married I always wore my ring. I saw it as a symbol of our love and commitment to each other.
He never did because there was a possible danger of getting his hand caught in a machine at work. It bothered that he refused to wear it when he wasnít at work. Telling me ďIím not a jewelry guyĒ I always saw it as a lack of commitment. Guess I was right.
Now when I wear it, I tell myself itís just a way to show the world I married. But in reality, itís my desire to have back what I once thought we had.