I'm looking for a way to get past the hurt and anger. I look at the ws section and pray they are gassed. I peek in the reconcile forums and i think they are naive fools. I come here and I'm just another bitter cynical bs. I don't want to be like this. Please help.
I found out sunday night when she went for a run and she left her phone behind. The guy lives in Florida and we live in Cali. They exchanged pictures, videos and I love you. She was making plans to leave me for him too. I don't know how long its been going on or if they ever met but to me it doesn't matter. If she wants to leave then this is her chance. When I confronted her later that night she cried and said it was just fantasy talk and she never loved him or had plans to leave me. I called her parents to pick her up and she has been staying with them since.
My family thinks I'm overreacting but of coarse they would say that. Infidelity haunts my family. And noone talks about it.
My grandfather left my biological grandmother for another women while my father and his siblings were all young.
My father and mother constantly cheated on eachother during my childhood. My father even brought the OW and their love child, who is my age, to OUR family vacation.
My uncle cheated on my aunt and drove her to suicide.
My aunt from my mother's side is on her 4th husband. All of which she cheated on.
My sister got pregnant and her bf cheated on her when he found out. Oh she was also 15 at the time.
My younger sister's husband decided he wants to be a rapper and left her 3 months after the birth of their second child to live with some drugie stank.
Then theres the infidelity that hurts me the most. My wife knew about my families history and how strongly I felt about it.
In the last 3 days I think I've slept a total of 5 hours. I want to get better but I just don't know how to start.
I'm so sorry that you find yourself here, but great job knowing your dealbreakers and not making yourself suffer worse by going through false R.
Know that there are some really tough days ahead, but you'll get through this.
SL gave you some great advice.
Can you get into IC? I was near suicidal at D-Day, and IC really helped me.
The books "Getting Past Your Breakup" and "Journey From Abandonment to Healing" are helpful.
Exercise, spend time in nature, try to keep your mind busy. Try to go as NC as possible. You (and me) are so lucky we didn't have kids with these cheaters, so you can go really NC, which helps the healing.
I know you may not believe it, but your life will get so much better. In 5 years, you'll look back and see this as a blessing in disguise.
One caution -- especially with your family history, please do not date. You need to work on you a bit so that you don't pick a next partner who is as bad as or worse than this one.
Good luck. Post often if you need support. We've got a really good group of people here.
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
She was making plans to leave me for him too.
Yeah, I'd help her out with that and box up her stuff for her.
Clearly this is a deal breaker for you and I completely understand why.
Start looking for an attorney, pronto. I agree that you can be thankful you did not reproduce with this person. NC all the way baby.
Eat, drink, sleep. It will get better.
Who cares if it was just fantasy. It is her fantasy and excludes you. Maybe some guys can accept that. Maybe you can't. If you can't, then separation is the best thing for you D is in process. No contact equals no new hurts as is repeatedly said here. You can't control her behavior. She made the choice to engage Mr Florida in this fantasy, not you. What if the next one lived in the next town?
You have no kids. D without kids is way easier than D with kids. You basically divide assets and debts, and your relationship is over. No need for continued contact for the next X years. You move on, she moves on.
My best friend swung by this morning to check on me. He is like a brother to me and invited me to spend the weekend with his family to get my mind off of things. Its nice to know I still have one person in this world I can count on.
It makes me sad that I will lose a father in law and mother in law that I was closer to me then my own parents. Then I get mad again thinking about it. FIL and I are also business partners so I'm not sure if I can fully cut my wife out of my life.
I will contact a lawyer soon. I'll order the recommeded books tonight and I also need a new phone since it wouldn't stop ringing so I broke it. I'll hold off on counseling until I can get some sleep and anti-depression meds. I don't think I'm suicidal but I did tell my wife if she came home I would burn down the house with the both of us in it.
I ate this morning with my friend but when he left I started crying so hard I threw it up. Its been a recurring problem. Hopefully the doctor has pills for this to.
I want to thank everyone for the advice and support. Coming here was my first step in getting better.
I got a doctors appointment tomorrow for some much needed drugs, then a lawyers meeting thursday. Still unsure what to do about my business partner/FIL. He built the business and brought me on but I like to think I did my fair share of the work and I don't want to walk away from what has been my whole adult career. I might have to talk about this with my lawyer too.