Nope. Instead I'm filled with rushing emotions... dread, sadness, anger, to name a few. 2 weeks ago, my WH lied to me and betrayed me... not with an affair, but with shady WH behavior. It knocked me down to day one, with 3 years of HARD work down the drain.
WH took this week off like he does every year... vacation during the week of D Day. Usually It's a relief... right now, I'm anxious and feeling awkwardly towards him.
He isn't exactly helping calm me, either. He is supposed to be getting counseling through work... thats at a stand-still. It took nagging him to get him to put spyware on his phone. We don't talk about it. He doesn't make much of an effort to comfort me.
This is going to sound absolutely pathetic, but I am on narcotic pain killers due to lots of injuries from a head on collision, and right now they are my saving grace. They allow me to relax around him and not really give a crap... but when they wear off, the pain comes rushing back in more ways than one.
It's just sad that our marriage is back to him lying to me and going behind my back, and me basically rugsweeping because I can't do what needs to be done. My life is such a stressful cluster-fuck right now. I'm so disappointed in him, I really thought he finally got it and I was FINALLY getting the husband I wanted and deserved. How could he do this to us??
[This message edited by HurtButHoping12 at 12:35 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]
On the fence... do I stay or do
You said "I'm so disappointed in him, I really thought he finally got it and I was FINALLY getting the husband I wanted and deserved," and I am wondering why you would "really" think that, because you also said:
"He is supposed to be getting counseling through work...It took nagging him to get him to put spyware on his phone. We don't talk about it. He doesn't make much of an effort to comfort me....and me basically rugsweeping"
So, while I know it is breaking your heart, it's really horrible, I think you knew deep down it was coming, because you saw the signs (even if you wanted to shut your eyes hard so you didn't have to admit you knew it was there).
I'm so sorry HBH.
[This message edited by HurtButHoping12 at 1:29 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]
Are you seeking individual counseling and are you guys in marriage counseling? It might help with these feelings?
Do I understand correctly that you just caught him last month chatting with a woman and he later lied about it?
If so, I am sorry I would expect to be heartbroken as well.
I understand your pain and fear. ... but no rug sweeping, please. It will only delay the inevitable.
Do you need these meds for your pain from the accident or are you now self medicating with them?
Can you go see an IC just for you? When we are traumatised a second time it really can pull the rug out. You need to figure out what you want, what you need and how to take the steps to heal enough to get there.
Please be patient with yourself. You do deserve a husband who is all in........I hope he steps up.
In the interim please see someone to help you.
I am not self-medicating, don't worry. I have a ton of injuries to the right side of my body and need the pain meds while I wait for surgeries time be planned. I'm just glad that they relax me so I'm able to deal with WH.
I think I need to see someone. On top of all this BS, my Dr thinks I have PTSD from the car accident. Life is just too intense right now. Too much to deal with all at once!
[This message edited by HurtButHoping12 at 5:55 PM, July 5th (Saturday)]