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User Topic: hard week ahead
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are closing in on the 3 year antiversary of D Day. In the past year, I really thought that this antiversary wouldn't be as bad as the previous ones, and that I'd finally feel like we made it.

Nope. Instead I'm filled with rushing emotions... dread, sadness, anger, to name a few. 2 weeks ago, my WH lied to me and betrayed me... not with an affair, but with shady WH behavior. It knocked me down to day one, with 3 years of HARD work down the drain.

WH took this week off like he does every year... vacation during the week of D Day. Usually It's a relief... right now, I'm anxious and feeling awkwardly towards him.

He isn't exactly helping calm me, either. He is supposed to be getting counseling through work... thats at a stand-still. It took nagging him to get him to put spyware on his phone. We don't talk about it. He doesn't make much of an effort to comfort me.

This is going to sound absolutely pathetic, but I am on narcotic pain killers due to lots of injuries from a head on collision, and right now they are my saving grace. They allow me to relax around him and not really give a crap... but when they wear off, the pain comes rushing back in more ways than one.

It's just sad that our marriage is back to him lying to me and going behind my back, and me basically rugsweeping because I can't do what needs to be done. My life is such a stressful cluster-fuck right now. I'm so disappointed in him, I really thought he finally got it and I was FINALLY getting the husband I wanted and deserved. How could he do this to us??

[This message edited by HurtButHoping12 at 12:35 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. You will get through this. Try not to give the antiversary any more power than it already has, you know?
It's just another day on the calendar.

(((Hugs)))


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will be very gentle because I know how badly you're hurting but two things in your post struck me.

You said "I'm so disappointed in him, I really thought he finally got it and I was FINALLY getting the husband I wanted and deserved," and I am wondering why you would "really" think that, because you also said:

"He is supposed to be getting counseling through work...It took nagging him to get him to put spyware on his phone. We don't talk about it. He doesn't make much of an effort to comfort me....and me basically rugsweeping"

So, while I know it is breaking your heart, it's really horrible, I think you knew deep down it was coming, because you saw the signs (even if you wanted to shut your eyes hard so you didn't have to admit you knew it was there).

I'm so sorry HBH.


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 364 | Registered: Feb 2013
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, he was a model remorseful WH before this latest things went down. I was truly blind-sided and caught him completely on accident. Those things i mentioned are things I demanded after this latest discovery. I think that's why it hurts so much right now, I truly did think things were great.

[This message edited by HurtButHoping12 at 1:29 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
Lark
♀ Member
Member # 43773
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs!!

Are you seeking individual counseling and are you guys in marriage counseling? It might help with these feelings?


“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore

Posts: 740 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: California
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he was *truly* a "model remorseful WH" before, you'd still be seeing that.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever, I didn't post this to get 2x4ed. I'm just looking for some support. This really did blindside me, despite What you believe.


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lark, he was supposed to be looking into IC through his company. He told me today that he is supposed to have a session Monday. I guess we will see.


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry I misunderstood, and I know you're hurting so badly, that's why I was saying it gently. Nobody deserves to be blindsided and I know your heart is just aching so take all the comfort you can. I didn't mean to sound harsh at all.


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 364 | Registered: Feb 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shit... this sucks

Do I understand correctly that you just caught him last month chatting with a woman and he later lied about it?

If so, I am sorry I would expect to be heartbroken as well.

I understand your pain and fear. ... but no rug sweeping, please. It will only delay the inevitable.

Do you need these meds for your pain from the accident or are you now self medicating with them?

Can you go see an IC just for you? When we are traumatised a second time it really can pull the rug out. You need to figure out what you want, what you need and how to take the steps to heal enough to get there.

Please be patient with yourself. You do deserve a husband who is all in........I hope he steps up.

In the interim please see someone to help you.

(((Hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3846 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh MissMouseMo, I wasn't referring to you! You were gentle.

I am not self-medicating, don't worry. I have a ton of injuries to the right side of my body and need the pain meds while I wait for surgeries time be planned. I'm just glad that they relax me so I'm able to deal with WH.

I think I need to see someone. On top of all this BS, my Dr thinks I have PTSD from the car accident. Life is just too intense right now. Too much to deal with all at once!

[This message edited by HurtButHoping12 at 5:55 PM, July 5th (Saturday)]


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 11

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